


we were born to make history

by lu_woo



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Inspired by Yuri!!! on Ice, M/M, Romance, Slow Burn, figure skating, hints at yuwin
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-07
Updated: 2019-02-07
Packaged: 2019-10-22 12:55:09
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 42,239
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17663045
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lu_woo/pseuds/lu_woo
Summary: “I’m interested in you.” The words make Doyoung’s eyes widen and he can’t help the surprised look on his face. It makes his head skip a beat and he’s sure that it’s not what Jaehyun actually means. The other nods slowly, fingers pushing his hair back slowly, eyes never breaking contact with Doyoung’s. “I just-” Jaehyun sighs, hands pushing into his own pockets, head tilting back enough for his eyes to look up at the ceiling. “You’re such a unique skater. You have this energy,” Jaehyun sucks in a breath, letting it out with more words, “So cold but the way you skate is really beautiful. I wanted to get to know you.”“You didn’t have to fly to Korea and show up at my apartment at four in the morning to get to know me.” It comes out as a low mumble and Doyoung is positive that Jaehyun didn’t hear any of what he just said.But like this whole thing, Jaehyun has proved him wrong. “I did. I may not personally know you but I can tell that you wouldn’t be all that great at replying to my messages on social media.”





	we were born to make history

**Author's Note:**

> { hello everyone!! uwu this is my first jaedo fic and i had TONS of fun writing it! so i really hope you enjoy it as well!}  
> { this fic has a playlist and you can listen to it here [☺](https://8tracks.com/lehunn/we-were-born-to-make-history) }  
> { also please don't kill me if not all the details are correct ;; i did a ton of research but im not a skater so i did the best i could}  
> {this is for jaedo week!! [@jaedo_week](https://twitter.com/jaedo_week) }

One, two, three, _breath_ , and jump. There’s a sharp sound as blades hit the ice. Perfectly. Doyoung feels his lips curl into a smile, teeth digging into his bottom lip to try and keep his composure. The way the crowd is cheering for him makes it hard. It’s loud, louder than the music coming through the speakers. It’s a compliment to the soft touch of piano keys. He feels it in his heart more than the nerves still running through him.

Feet move beautifully, intertwining between each other as he slides backwards. Arms go out slowly, hands curled gently up, fingers pointed to the ceiling. One, two, three, _breath_ , and jump. Body uncurls quickly right before he tightens back up again, knees bending and feet pushing him off the ice. Once again, Doyoung can’t help the smile that pulls his lips up when he feels his skates hit against the ice. 

It comes more than naturally, the way he pushes himself along the cold surface. His thighs, covered in velvet, have done this a thousand times now. More than that. They’re used to the burn. Used to the cold air that they’re surrounded by. Even his torso doesn’t twitch to the feeling anymore. The sheer polka dot top doesn’t give him any warmth but he doesn’t need it. All he needs is the music. 

Doyoung finds himself in the middle of the rink. Body crouches down, left leg extended, firm hands gripping right past his knee. It’s fast, it always is, the way he spins. His eyes focus on the darkened velvet of his pants. There’s a breath. One more and he begins to stand up. Hands are still gripping at his leg, sliding down past his knee. His leg is all the way up, toes pointed to the ceiling and eyes watching the way water slides down the blade of his skate. 

His hands slide down his neck as his knees hit the ice. Doyoung’s chest is rising and falling quickly. The ice is beginning to melt under his knees, skin becoming wet. He licks his lips, letting out soft laughs with every breath he exhales. There’s not another single feeling like this in the world. The way it feels to see people standing, blurring into one another in the high seats against the walls. The way the roses bounce off the ice, only settling down for a moment before they’re picked up. The best feeling though, is the satisfaction that comes from his heart. 

“That was an absolutely spectacular performance from Kim Doyoung!” 

“I have to agree. It’s by far the best we’ve seen from him this season. Maybe even his whole career.” 

Doyoung runs his hand through his hair, ignoring the fact that it’s nicely styled, as he grabs his blade covers. There’s hands on his back, patting them gently before there’s a familiar smiling figure running towards him, bangs bouncing on his forehead. Soon, there’s arms wrapped around him and he’s being lifted up, groaning at the way his chest is pressed harshly against the other’s. 

“Oh my god that was amazing!” The boy smiles, one that practically reaches the sides of his face, as he puts him down gently. “I’ve seen you practice it so many times but that,” he sighs, hands grabbing at Doyoung’s shoulders. “That was breathtaking.” 

“Thanks, Jungwoo.” Doyoung says, laughing at the way the boy’s eyes are sparkling, almost as much as his top. 

Jungwoo follows him to the scorebox. Technically he shouldn’t. His skate is next and he really should be getting warmed up. Instead, he’s pressed against Doyoung’s side, hands wiggling on his thigh. There’s anticipation. Doyoung bites down on his lip, arms wrapped around the large teddy bear that had been thrown onto the rink as he skated off. There’s still several skaters left to go. One being Jungwoo who is _fantastic_. But Jungwoo isn’t who he’s worried about. 

“And it looks like that’s enough to slide Doyoung into first place!” 

The smile that pulls his lips up is big enough for his gums to show. Jungwoo’s got his hands on his shoulders again, wiggling him as he emits just as big of a grin. First place. Doyoung feels his heart begin to race and his breathing shorten because he’s never been in _first place_. Not even during the qualifying rounds. It’s always been second. Or third. More often than not he’s in the late single digits, barely passing to the finals. But this year, it was going to be different. 

“Wish me luck,” Jungwoo says, fingers plucking off the guards on his skates. He jumps once, twice, and one more for a laugh, skates hitting against the ice. 

He doesn’t need it. Jungwoo’s never fallen below fourth. Never fallen even once. But Doyoung responds anyway. “Good luck.” 

Their arms go up, wrists tapping together before they lean forward, pressing a gentle kiss to each other’s fists. It’s nothing romantic. It’s a routine. _Their_ routine. Something that gets them through the hard times. A tradition they’ve done since they started competing together. And with a wink, Jungwoo’s thighs push him along the ice. He stops in the center, legs crossed, toes pointed, hands at his chest. Even from off the rink, Doyoung watches the way his chest expands with his breath. Glittery eyes are closed and as the music starts, they open slowly. 

Jungwoo is graceful. More so than Doyoung. They have slightly different styles, to be fair. The taller one likes the soft piano sounds to match his long strides and dizzying spins. Doyoung opts for a slightly stronger choice of music and routine. One that allows him to pause and dance, tips of his blades pressed into the ice. Likes to be more daring, more jumps, more difficult combos. Doyoung likes to take risks. Ones that are the cause of his low scores most of the time. Because as many risks as he takes, not all are successful. 

Doyoung lets his eyes wander away from Jungwoo. They scan along the edge of the rink, blinking at all the other competitors. There’s not many of them that have made it into the finals. A mere eight. Most of them he doesn’t even know. Though he thinks he remembers some of their names from the list that Jungwoo had pulled up on his phone during the walk to the stadium. 

There’s only one he really cares about. The boy is standing there, fingers curled against the top of the barrier separating them from the rink. His eyes are staring at Jungwoo and Doyoung even sees the dimple appear as the crowd begins to cheer. Jungwoo glides passed them, skates making a wonderful sound against the ice, and the boy’s eyes follow him. All the way to Doyoung’s. And then he waves.

Doyoung blinks, feet bumping against the barrier as he tries to focus on something else. Something other than his top rival. The one that always manages to land in first place. Doyoung thinks he might hate him. Sometimes when he watches him land the second triple axel, knowing without even seeing the scores that Doyoung’s going to be bumped down. Or the times when he walks over to him after it’s all finished, bright smile and dimples almost as glittery as his shirt. He’s always nice. Always too nice. When his spirits are low and his fingers curl into his palms because he’s not that good. He could _never_ be that good. Times like that, make Doyoung think he hates him. Hates the confidence he exudes. 

The cheer of the crowd pulls him away from his thoughts. Jungwoo is already skating towards him bangs sticking to his forehead and cheeks rosy from the cold. Doyoung feels slightly guilty for not watching the whole performance. He always does. Always has his arms waiting for the boy when he steps out from the rink. He still does though, and Jungwoo falls into his arms, burying his face against his shoulder. 

Just as Jungwoo had done for him, Doyoung accompanies the younger one to the score box. The boy’s thighs are shaking, skates still snug on his feet, tapping against the floor. He’s always nervous before scoring. The way he chews on his lip, making it become as red as his cheeks, proves it. 

“And it looks like it’s not enough to snag that first place spot, meaning his fellow skater Doyoung is still holding onto the lead.” 

Doyoung feels like his breath has been taken away. He sucks in a deep one, it’s not enough though and he takes another one. Jungwoo’s looking at him. There should be a sad look on his face. One of disappointment because he’s better than that. Better than the second place he’s in. Jungwoo has _never_ been under Doyoung. Not once in their entire career. Instead of the sadness he expects to see, Jungwoo’s eyes are curled down, lips curling up as he smiles brightly. 

He holds his breath though. Wishing the competition could end right there. There’s still time for him to fall. Still time for his name to slide down into a spot he’d have to hang his head low about. And there’s a strong possibility it’ll happen. Doyoung is almost positive it will. Especially the way the crowd cheers when the person capable of bumping him down skates out onto the rink. 

“Ladies and Gentlemen, this is the skate we’ve all been waiting for,” Doyoung sucks in a breath, toes curling in his shoes at the announcer's voice. “That’s right, our Valentine’s day boy is the favor to win the Grand Prix this evening.” Jungwoo slides next to him and there’s a hand on his back, rubbing it gently. “He’s gone undefeated in the last three competitions leading up to this and I’m sure tonight will be no different.” 

“The United States has been running into some luck lately too. Their newest skater, a boy who got a rather late state to the sport, has nearly matched Jaehyun’s scores at all their events.” 

“That’s right. It seems that Jaehyun’s been coaching him too. That probably has something to do with it.” 

“Here we go folks, the performance of the night!” 

It’s almost sickening how much the announcers love Jaehyun. Their voices practically drip with addiction as they speak about him. Though, Doyoung doesn’t think he can actually blame them. Jaehyun is spectacular. A walking piece of art and when he’s skating, he’s a _masterpiece_. There’s a reason he’s beaten not only Doyoung but nearly all the other skaters. His presence is hypnotizing. And even before he starts, Doyoung can’t take his eyes off him. 

There’s a long sleeved, red, velvet top covering him. It’s got diamonds stuck along the sides and strings that haven’t been tied hanging off his wrists. Black satin pants that are loose around his ankles, the same diamonds in the same spots on those as well. It’s not as sparkly or flashy as Doyoung and Jungwoo’s but it doesn’t need to be. There’s not heavy glitter on his eyelids or shadow fading against his skin. There’s the smallest lines of eyeliner and Doyoung can see the glimmer of his chapstick when the TV zooms in on his face. 

It starts slow. There’s quiet taps on a piano playing through the speakers. Doyoung sucks in a breath, foot tapping against the ground. Jaehyun glides along the ice beautifully, like he was born to do this. He almost wants to watch through one of the large TV’s hanging from the ceiling. They give a closer view, one from above even. The program is nearly halfway over and Jaehyun’s skated around, face full of emotion and spins full of purpose. Doyoung knows his trick. Knows what he’s carefully planned out. The tricks are what they all do. Though it’s not always successful or it’s too much of a risk to take. Sometimes playing it safe, executing everything perfectly, is better. 

“Here comes the first jump,” the announcer says as Jaehyun turns around, head tilted back as he sways his hips, picking up speed. “It’s going to be a combination of three jumps; triple axel followed by a quad and finally another triple. It’s arguably one of the hardest combinations of this season and so far, Jaehyun’s landed it flawlessly each time.” 

“If he lands this combination, even if a few technical points are taken off, there’s no doubt that he’ll knock Doyoung off of first place.” 

It will. Doyoung knows it will. And he knows that Jaehyun will land it. He’s watched it on TV each time. There’s never even been the slightest mistake. His coverage with each jump is perfect. Height perfect. Feet position perfect. Landing even more perfect. Doyoung doesn’t even want to watch as Jaehyun pushes his feet off the ice. So he closes his eyes, squeezes them shut. 

“And he’s done it! Jaehyun has landed the combination and will push Doyoung out of first place!” 

The crowd is loud. So, so loud. Doyoung can’t even think. Even the announcers have been drowned out by the cheering. But Doyoung’s almost glad he can’t hear his own thoughts. He’s sure they’re full of rotten words and all the things he should have done. All the times he should have stayed at the rink and practiced one more time. All the times he thought about adding that last lutz to his combination but didn’t because he couldn’t land it. All the times he could have just been _better_. 

“Let’s leave,” he says quietly, eyes finally opening, staring at the way his knuckles are white from clenching his fists so hard. 

Jungwoo whines softly, biting down on his lip, tilting his head down to look at Doyoung. “Doyoung, there’s still three skaters left. Don’t you want to-” 

The boy’s voice trails off when Doyoung pushes himself away from the barrier. He doesn’t want to stay. Doyoung sighs, running his hand through his hair. There’s no way he’s even going to be in the top five. Jaehyun is going to take first. Then Yuta from Japan was going to take second. Followed by that other American boy Johnny. Doyoung knows how it’s going to end up. He doesn’t even know why he thought for a second that he was going to keep his spot on top. 

With quick hands, he tugs his bag over his shoulder. It’s rather light. The only thing in it is his skates and water bottle. His coach is busy talking with the others. Arms moving as he talks. Doyoung sighs, biting down on his lip because he knows he’s actually going to have to be here until it ends. At least he can go wait somewhere else though. Somewhere he can’t watch his name sliding down on the scoreboard. 

He almost gets there. Almost walks out the doors leading into the gallery. There’s familiar skates in front of him, eyes trained on the ground. Doyoung sighs, lips pressing together slowly. He doesn’t have the energy for this. “Doyoung,” the other says and he feels his shoulders slump at the softness of his voice. There’s a smile on the boy’s lips when their eyes finally meet. “I meant to tell you before, your skate was wonderful.” 

“Thanks,” Doyoung replies, fingers curling around the strap to his bag. There’s more on the tip of his tongue but he bites it instead of letting it slip out. There’s no point. “You too,” is all he says before he pushes passed the other, elbows bumping and even with his eyes looking down, he can tell Jaehyun is watching him. 

 

 

 

 

Doyoung takes a breath. He grips the luggage cart, knuckles turning white from the force. There’s a crowd of people, a large one. Banners with his name and face on it hang from their hands. There’s even some posted on the walls. Ones of Jungwoo too. Though the other is much more excited about them than he is. They all say the same things. _‘Welcome back!’ ‘Congratulations!’ ‘We’re proud of you!’_ Doyoung wonders if they even watched the program. 

Jungwoo’s hand grabs at his arm, smile lighting up his face. “Isn’t this nice? It makes me feel special. To know all these people support us!” 

He sucks in a breath, letting it out slowly as he lets his eyes wander down to his hands. “Yeah,” he says quietly. 

Suitcases tumble over as Doyoung pushes them into his room. He doesn’t bother to try and pick them up. Instead, he walks straight over to his bed, pressing his face against the pillow the moment he lays down. The position doesn’t last long and soon Doyoung pushes himself on his back, hands raising to rest above his head. 

His bedroom is still the same. There’s the lightest wisps of a spider web in the corner of the ceiling but that’s really all that’s changed. There’s still the large posters of his favorite skaters stuck to the wall. The corners are curling and most of them are crooked. There’s the banner that Jungwoo made him during their first official competition as adults, nearly five years ago. His various medals and trophies still shimmer as the light through his curtains hit them. Doyoung scrunches his nose up at the amount of dust that’s collected on them. 

It’s been four months since he’s been home. Four long months off training in Busan. Days long, nights short. It’s created dark circles under his eyes that he doesn’t think will ever go away. Five in the morning wake up call. Jungwoo was the one to wake him up most days, the days he actually fell asleep. They would grab their packs of instant coffee, shoving it in their bags. They didn’t need to pack anything else, their skates, change of clothes, and headphones never taken out from the night before. 

Stretching would be long, muscles tight from the lack of sleep and proper hydration. Sleep would be tempting when Doyoung leaned forward, hands stretched out between his legs and forehead pressing against the floor. It was always too cold for the first few hours. The sun wasn’t up, not that it mattered in the rink since there was a lack of windows. But it just felt warmer when the time passed eight. 

Their coach would take turns working with them. Jungwoo was always first. That’s how they liked to do it. Doyoung needed time. Needed to practice the skate a few times by himself before he was ready for guidance. So Jungwoo would use the rink in all its entirety. Doyoung would watch for a bit, liking the way the boy looks while gliding on the surface. Jungwoo rarely fell. When he did, it was a simple stumble, nothing like the way Doyoung lands. Not on his arm, body sliding into the wall. Or on his back, letting out a cry as he feels the scrapes and wetness from the ice on his skin. Jungwoo was more graceful. More _careful_. 

With a sigh, Doyoung rubs his face. If only he had been more careful with his movements. If he had the confidence to add another jump in his routine. Maybe then he could be proud of something then. Those banners and signs with praise on them could mean something to him. 

There’s a knock on his door. Doyoung closes his eyes, hands grabbing the blanket, tugging it up to his chest. “Come in,” he says quietly. 

It’s Jungwoo. He can tell by the smell of his lotion and the sound of his steps. The other plops down on the bed, body leaning back against his legs. Doyoung tilts his head down, fingers curling into his palm. “Wanna go get something to eat?” Doyoung blinks. He’s hungry but he isn’t sure he’s ready to go out and eat. But he knows Jungwoo. Knows he won’t take no for an answer. Especially not the way his stomach is growling under him. Jungwoo laughs, fingers running through his hair as he looks at Doyoung. “I’ll take that as a yes.” The boy pushes himself up, feet gently tapping against the floor. He’s leaned back, hands curled against the blanket that covers Doyoung. “Let’s go see Sicheng and Lucas. They’ll be happy we’re home.” 

They are. It’s quiet in the restaurant. Only a small group of elderly women are seated in the corner. Chopsticks in hand and mouths full of food. They don’t even budge when Lucas practically screams, hands full of bowls up to his chin. Doyoung’s rather surprised that they didn’t slip out of his hands from the way he does a small jump of excitement. 

Lucas goes to Jungwoo first. Hands free of porcelain bowls and wide grin on his lips. There’s arms around him, lifting him up as Jungwoo laughs. His head leans back before their foreheads press together. The words they share can’t be heard. It’s small whispers, noses pressed together and cheeks flushed. Doyoung presses his lips together, head turning to Sicheng when the boy calls his name. 

They sit at one of the tables closest to the counter. Doyoung feels slightly guilty, especially the way Sicheng gets up every few minutes to check up on the new customers. He should have just stayed home. The two of them are more interested in Jungwoo anyways. Lucas has his arm around him, smile still on his face, the same one that’s been there since they walked in. Even Sicheng has his cheeks in his palms, eyes sparkling at the way Jungwoo speaks. 

“You should have seen it in here,” Lucas says, arms waving as he laughs. “The whole restaurant was full! It was like everyone in town was here to watch!” 

Sicheng sighs, cheeks puffing as he runs his fingers along Jungwoo’s cup of water. “Yeah, including you.” 

Lucas scoffs, hand falling over his chest. Jungwoo bursts out into laughter, head leaning back and hands hitting the table. It’s not that funny but for some reason, everyone always finds everything Lucas does annoyingly funny. “I had to watch Jungwoo! How could I not?” Lucas leans over the table, finger poking at Sicheng’s nose. “Don’t act like you weren’t practically drooling over that Japanese guy. You’re just as bad as me!” 

Sicheng’s entire face goes red and he lets out a huff. “I liked his choice of music. It’s from one of my favorite animes.” He sighs, leaning back in his chair before looking at Doyoung. “But seriously, you guys did so good. You make it look so easy.” 

“I came in fourth place,” he says quietly. “I would hardly call that good.” 

It had gone just as he predicted it. Jaehyun was in first. Yuta came in second. That other American, the one with the name he always forgets, came in third. Then him and Jungwoo following. Their performance at the Grand Prix wasn’t their best by any means. 

“Doyoung,” Jungwoo says with a frown. “Don’t be so hard on yourself. I didn’t do my best either but it’s okay.” 

“Yeah, there’s plenty of competitions,” Sicheng says, hand coming to rub at Doyoung’s shoulder. “You guys are always going somewhere.” 

Sicheng is right, technically. There are lots of opportunities for them. Doyoung knows in a few months, it’ll be time for them to travel and compete again. But that wasn’t the point. Doyoung was never going to slide into first place and _stay_. Was never going to beat Jaehyun, the only one he cared about beating. The boy has beat him many times. So many times. Shoved him right off the podium with his perfectly practiced jumps and romantic presence. He’s been so close before. Sitting in third, Jungwoo in first, only to end up in fourth after Jaehyun’s skate. 

“I bet you could do what he did,” Lucas says, hands hitting against the table loud enough to make him jump. His finger points at him, grin on his lips. “I bet you could do it even better.” Lucas leans back in his chair, crossing his arms over his chest slowly. “He might be fancy with his jumps or whatever you guys call them but you’re _Doyoung._ ” 

Jungwoo smiles, clapping his hands quickly. He lets out a noise that sounds like a cheer. Sicheng follows suit, hands grabbing at Doyoung’s shoulders, shaking them gently. He can’t help the smile that curls his lips up. It’s small but noticeable. Even if his skills were lacking, the support from his friends wasn’t. And it felt nice, it did. Doyoung could be in the worst mood. Have a terrible day, skin scraped and body aching from practice. But they always knew how to cheer him up. Always. 

 

 

 

 

There’s never anyone on the subway this early. One or two people that always look like they’ve stayed out all night. Girls in short dresses, heels off and bare feet against the floor. Their long hair a mess, strands in all different directions. Makeup smudged and eyes hooded with sleep. He doesn’t mind them. They don’t attempt to talk to him. They’re too busy trying to stay awake until their stop comes. 

Doyoung leans his head back, bumping it against the window. There’s no official practice today. They have another few days to rest before it’s time to continue practicing. A little over a month until they go back and do the same thing over again. But here Doyoung is, five fifteen in the morning, skates shoved in his bag and headphones already on. He had snuck out quietly, not wanting to wake the pair that were fast asleep on the couch. The two had been up late. Doyoung heard them giggling and Lucas’s deep voice until the early morning. It’s been months since they’ve last seen each other so Doyoung can’t blame them. Especially not with the way Jungwoo’s lips were pulled up into a soft smile, even asleep under Lucas. 

It’s rather easy for Doyoung to be away from home. Well, his shared apartment with Jungwoo. There’s no one to come home to, in terms of romantic relationships. There’s always a slight desire to hang out with Lucas and Sicheng. To hear Lucas’s loud laughter and see his bright smile. Sometimes craves the dumplings that Sicheng makes, often bringing them over when they hang out. But there’s no one to come home to. Which was okay. Perfectly okay. Doyoung could go out this early without worrying about anyone else. Could spend all day at the rink until he’s falling asleep standing up. That’s how he liked it. 

Fingers flick on the lights, watching as they slowly light up the room, taking their time in the cold. Doyoung sighs, breath becoming a long white puff against the air. It’s colder than usual, the winter air pressing against his back from the large door that’s still closing. It doesn’t bother him though. He’s become accustomed to it and even now, he could say he prefers it over the warmth of summer. Mostly because Doyoung hates to be sweaty. Really hates it. 

He takes his time getting ready. Lets his feet stop him in front of the glass display case, eyes flickering along the various medals and trophies that fill it. They’ve grown over the years. Names that he barely knew, big eyes staring at the awards with face pressed against the glass before his lessons. Doyoung used to love watching the new trophies be put in whenever the skaters came back from competition. Loved saying to himself that it’s his name that’s going to be in there one day. Even now, he still wishes that more of his accomplishments could be shimmering under the spotlights. 

There’s enough. More than a handful of things with his name on it dating back to when he was just twelve and competed in the junior league. Small pictures of him on the podium, bright and gummy smile lighting up the shot. There’s a lot more from when he was younger. There wasn’t as much competition. The only people he went up against were the ones he could easily outskate. Now though, it’s different. He’s not a preteen anymore and neither are the others. It’s not a game of who can fall the least or have the most twirls. It’s more than that. Yet sometimes, Doyoung feels like he hasn’t gotten out of those simpler days. 

Doyoung takes his time, skates sliding along the ice slowly. His hands fall on his hips as his thighs push him slowly, following the outline of the rink. He rolls his neck, making large circles along his shoulders. Fingers scroll through his playlist until they settle on the song he wants. The one he’s heard at least a million times by now. Doyoung sucks in a breath, setting his phone down on the ledge. He lets his feet push him into the middle of the ice. Doyoung takes one breath, tapping against his ear to make his music start. 

It’s the gentle sound of the piano that fills his ears. Hands go up, head tilting against it as he pushes himself forward. Even though he’s done this so many times, more than he can count, Doyoung still gets the thrill from it. The feeling is gentle, like stagnant static throughout his body. He lets his eyes close, knowing the performance by heart. The music is loud in his ears, sound turned all the way up. He can’t hear the sounds of his skates against the ice but he can feel them against the soles of his feet. Feel every small push and tilt of his feet.

There’s absolutely nothing like this in the world. The way he glides against the ice, body light and mind even lighter. The way the cold air makes his cheeks red and his nose run as he pushes himself backwards, blindly going off memory. Sometimes it feels like he’s flying when he bends his knees, feet pushing off into a jump. It’s thrilling. He can’t see anything at all. Whole vision is blurred and it happens so fast that he wouldn’t be able to see anyways. Once he’s up in the air, all he can do is hope that he doesn’t over rotate. Hope that his feet are pointed in the right direction when he lands. 

Doyoung lets out a breath when he feels his feet hit the ice. Only seconds pass before he’s back in the air again, the same thoughts running through his mind. And he lands it perfectly. Instead of gliding back into the center, Doyoung sucks in a breath, turning around, thighs pushing quickly. Then he pushes himself off, hands against his chest as he spins in the air, holding his breath. The breath is let out as a sigh when he lands. Not a single stumble or over step. There’s not an abnormal amount of ice coming out from under his skates. He doesn’t turn one notch too much or under rotate either. It’s exactly what it needs to be. 

Hands go on his hips, skates slowing to a stop. The music is still playing loud in his ears and by the time the song finishes, Doyoung is at his phone, fingers pausing the next song. There’s frustration running through him. Regret as well. Doyoung should have done the jump during the competition. Should have just taken the chance. If he had, he’s certain he wouldn’t have landed so far down in the rankings. But he had convinced himself otherwise. The chances of him landing it were slim. He’s never been one to be able to land combinations comfortably. Jumping wasn’t his strong suit and he knew that. The problem was, the others were talented at executing those combinations. That’s why they’re always ahead of Doyoung. Because they knew how to play. Knew what the performances needed for top scores. Doyoung knows too. He also knows that falling is a even bigger blow than not taking chances. 

He lets himself catch his breath. Hands wrapping around a water bottle, tilting his head back to take several long sips. Then his fingers scroll through the lists of songs again. One could say that it’s embarrassing how many times that Doyoung has watched Jaehyun perform. Especially the skate that he did at the Grand Prix. It’s the skate that got him there. The skate that Doyoung’s watched over and over and over again. Enough to know every part of the choreography. 

Doyoung’s nowhere near the talent level that Jaehyun is. He has the technicalities down. Can hit every turn and shake of his hips. Able to cover the whole rink as he skates. There’s just the lack of emotion. The same emotion that can win the judges and audience over. Sometimes, Doyoung thinks that even if he fell, the judges would still score him high, purely because of his charisma. Though that would be terribly unfair and against the rules, it seems like it could be possible. There’s this aura around him, one that radiates confidence and draws in anywhere standing near. Doyoung could do the performance flawlessly but the lack of emotion is what would keep him from earning the score that Jaehyun does. 

The ice is hard against his shoulder. Doyoung covers his face with his arms, body sliding along the cold surface. His skates shriek against the ice as he pushes his feet down, attempting to slow his body. He stops when his knees hit against the walls of the rink. Doyoung groans, taking a moment before rolling on his back. Teeth grind together, head leaning against the ice. It takes him several minutes to get up. The ice has begun to melt under him, wetting his shirt, making it stick to his skin. Elbows are red and wet and he can see the small drops of blood right above his left elbow, a result of the fall. 

“Doyoung.” 

The voice is quiet, echoing softly throughout the room. The music has long stopped in his ears, fingers having tapped it to pause after he rolled on his back. The only thing filling the air is the soft hum of the fans above him and the sound of his skates against the ice. 

Taeil is staring at him, leaning over the barrier of the rink. He’s got his hands hanging over, fingers tapping against the wall. Doyoung sighs, fingers pulling out his headphones. He really didn’t want to see anyone. Didn’t think anyone would even be here. There’s still an hour before the rink officially opens and there was no reason for anyone else to enter. 

“What are you doing here,” the other says, head tilting and voice cracking into a gentle laugh.

Doyoung skates over to him slowly. His hand runs through his hair, sighing as he lets his hands come to rest on his hips. “Skating.” It’s a simple and obvious answer but it’s what he’s doing. He came to practice. Practice the routine he’s already done and won’t do again. But he had to do it once more. Had to put that third jump in that could have landed him on the podium. Had to give himself validation that he _could_ do it. 

“You should rest instead,” Taeil says softly, hand reaching out to fix the way Doyoung’s sleeve has rolled up. “There’s a few days before we have to officially start. Spend time with your friends instead of isolating yourself in here.” Doyoung parts his lips, brows furrowing before he presses his lips together again at the sound of Taeil’s voice. “You need a break, Doyoung. Don’t keep doing this to yourself.” 

_Doing this to yourself_ , means spending his days and nights, endlessly skating around the rink. It’s a habit of Doyoung’s, one he can’t seem to break. There’s no rest for him. No official break that he gives himself. It doesn’t matter how tired he is or how sore his legs are from jumping, he has to be in the rink. Has to be on the ice. Because he’s just not good enough. 

Doyoung wants to spit back, asking why Taeil is here. He knows the answer though. He’s here to make sure the choreography for both him and Jungwoo are perfect. There’s no doubt that he’s been working on it since before the Grand Prix, but with only a few days away from them starting to train again, he has to make sure everything fits well. Taeil doesn’t have much room to complain about Doyoung being at the rink all the time, he’s just as bad. But Doyoung is thankful for it. Taeil is a spectacular coach. 

“Can you show me how to get my rotations right again?” Doyoung’s voice is quiet, knowing that Taeil will tell him no. It’s worth a try though, he thinks. 

“Doyoung,” Taeil says in a sigh. “No.” It’s as he predicted and Doyoung can’t help the way his lips curl down into a frown. “Go home, _please_. I don’t want you to wear yourself out before we even start training.” 

He doesn’t want to step off the ice but he does. Hands push on the guards quickly, brows furrowed and lips pressed tightly together. He’ll just come back tonight when Taeil’s long gone. Doyoung doesn’t need rest. He’s fine. If he stops skating, even for one day, he fears he might lose talent. Might lose the ability to land jumps and even skate in general. A rather ridiculous fear since he’s been skating for almost his entire life. It’s a fear though, and fears don’t have to be rational. 

“Just take it easy for a few days, okay?” Taeil’s hand is on his shoulder as Doyoung shoves his skates in his bag, slipping his feet into his sneakers. “I know you’re upset about the Grand Prix, Doyoung.” There’s sadness in his voice and it makes Doyoung’s throat begin to tighten as well. “There’s nothing you can do about it now. The only thing is to take that and use it to make yourself even better.” Taeil squeezes his shoulder gently. “You know you’re an amazing skater. It’s one competition and you’ve got plenty of trophies to prove that you know what you’re doing.” 

They’re simple words. Ones that he’s even said to himself a few times. Ones he’s heard from Jungwoo several times on the way back from Japan. It makes him feel better for a little. Puts a small smile on his lips because they’re right. Doyoung’s strong enough to make it into multiple championships and the Grand Prix every year. There’s more medals and trophies with his name on it than he can count on his hands. But until he’s the one standing on the top of the podium, he can’t take any breaks. 

 

 

 

 

Jaehyun’s bright face is shining on the TV screen. Dimples are more than obvious as he holds his hand up, shimmering gold medal hitting the light. Next to him is Yuta, the skater from Japan. Then the camera zooms in on the other American. Johnny, the name that Doyoung always forgets. Partially because he’s new. Brand new. It’s his first Prix and Doyoung curls his fingers against the table he’s seated at. First Prix and he’s managed to land in third place. He was the one to officially knock him off the podium. The final skater. 

Doyoung tilts his head, eyes focusing on his coffee that is no longer steaming. It’s still black, two packets of sugar sitting untouched next to his mug. He takes a sip, face scrunching up at the bitterness. Yet he doesn’t bother to grab the sugars, just takes another small sip. When he looks back up at the tv, hoping there’s something else on, he sees Jaehyun’s face again. Doyoung waits another moment and he feels his heart skip a beat, sucking in a breath when it’s his face that pops up next. 

He tears his eyes away once again, not wanting to see himself. If he was being honest, he’d rather see Jaehyun than his own face. He hated watching himself skate. Hated seeing all the small mistakes that he made. It’s always a terrible time, having to watch a recording of himself during training. Watching it over and over again with Taeil next to him, finger pointing at everything he needs to improve. That’s all he can do now when he sees himself gliding on the ice. Everything wrong. 

“You’re Kim Doyoung, right?” 

There’s a bright eyed boy staring at him. He’s got his mouth open and the two other boys behind him look equally as stunned. Doyoung nods slowly, lips curling into a gentle smile. “Yeah,” he says, watching the way all of them look at each other in awe. The one in front scrambles to grab his bag. It’s large and Doyoung blinks when he pulls out a pair of skates. 

“I’m a really big fan,” the boy’s voice is shaky and Doyoung can see how nervous he is in front of him. “Would you be able to sign my skates?” 

With a laugh, Doyoung nods slowly. “Sure.” One of the other boys reaches in his own bag, pulling out a marker, carefully setting it on the table in front of Doyoung. It’s not often that Doyoung gets asked to sign things. Especially not near home. It’s mostly overseas at competitions. Doyoung looks up at them as he grabs the marker, slowly grabbing the skates in front of him. He takes his time to write his name, even adding a small heart. 

Fans aren’t really his thing. He’s terribly awkward at interacting with them and often is at a loss for words. It helps this time though, that the three boys in front of him seem to be more flustered than he is. “How long have you been skating,” he asks, smile on his lips as he slides the marker on the table. 

“Only about a year,” the boy says, eyes sparkling as he looks down at his skates. “But I practice every day! I want to be like you!” 

Doyoung feels his cheeks heat up at the words. His lips part, only to be pressed together again quickly. They don’t want to be like him. They should want to be like Jaehyun or Yuta or even Jungwoo. Doyoung is--just _Doyoung_. Always falling right in the middle of everything. But if he’s learned anything from being in the spotlight for several years, he knows to keep his personal thoughts tucked away. “Keep practicing like that and you will.” 

The boys are ecstatic. They talk amongst themselves before bowing quickly, pushing each other away from the table with bright smiles. The sight makes his heart flutter. Doyoung once was like that. Eager and big eyed. Remembers when he quietly walked up to Taeil before he became his coach, hands shaking and cheeks pink, asking for his autograph. He was only six at the time. Six years old and still slightly wobbly on his feet whenever he walked onto the rink. Young enough to only spend a few hours after school, skating around freely with his other friends. Now he often finds himself alone. Body tired and blisters on his feet. Things were much different in the world of adult figure skating. Much different. 

Cold coffee is what he swallows. It’s worse that it’s still bitter, sugars untouched. Doyoung sighs, pushing his chair back, fingers grabbing at the mug. Brown eyes watch the way it swirls down the small opening for liquids on the trashcan. It’s a shame and a waste of money but Doyoung can’t bring himself to drink cooled coffee. As much as he loves the cold, coffee has to be hot. No other way. Even in the middle of summer when he’s got sweat on his forehead and on the curve of his back, coffee must _always_ be hot. 

 

 

 

 

Hands are the first things that hit the ice. Then his hip and then his cheek. Doyoung groans, nails curling up against the cold surface beneath them. He pushes himself up, wiping his hands on his pants. Doyoung taps his ear, pausing the music. With a hand running through his hair, he settles back into the middle of the rink. Three more taps on his ear and the music starts again, this time from the beginning. 

It’s been a routine for the last two days. Doyoung’s gets up at five. Brushes his teeth, pats his face with moisturizer and brushes his hair. It’s been easier to sneak out quietly. There’s no Lucas or Jungwoo sleeping on the couch. Doyoung has been there to wave the younger one goodbye before midnight. Jungwoo wishes Doyoung a good night shortly after, wandering sleepily into his room. He’s still rather quiet, leaving their apartment, not wanting to wake the other up. 

Then he catches the five fourteen subway to the station by the ice skating rink. It only takes twelve minutes usually but this early, it takes just under ten. There’s not dozens of people pushing and shoving each other. The doors only open for a brief moment, especially if there’s no one at the stations. Doyoung pushes money in the vending machine, reaching down and grabbing his favorite coffee. By the time he pushes the door to the rink open, the coffee can is empty and his hand tosses it in the trash while the other hand flicks the lights on. 

Perhaps it’s an obsession, he could call it one if he was being honest. Doyoung’s heard that song, the one that makes him see Jaehyun’s face every time it plays, more times than his own song he thinks. But Doyoung knows he can do it. Knows he can skate it perfectly. He’s got everything down. Everything but the last jump. 

Once again, he finds himself pressed against the ice. He’s on his back this time, having laid back after falling on his butt. Doyoung presses his hands against his face, palms pushing on his eyes. He can do this. Doyoung knows he can. So he pushes himself up again, not bothering to wipe the water off his hands this time. 

It has to be done just right. He has to push off at the right angle. Has to make sure his feet are pointed and he doesn’t over rotate. Or else he ends up against the ground, body sore and wet. The combination is hard. Even Taeil can barely land it. Jungwoo’s done it once but he’s fallen more times than he can count as well. It’s hard to imagine how many times that Jaehyun’s had to practice. There’s no way that he didn’t spend hours, days, months, doing the jumps to be able to land them every time. 

Doyoung takes the deepest breath he can before he pushes off. His feet land once and it only takes him a few seconds before he’s in the air again. They land a second time and Doyoung feels his heart start to race when he turns his body, blades pressing into the ice. He waits for his feet to lose balance. Waits for his body to slam against the ice and the pain to hit him. That doesn’t happen though. Instead, his feet land quietly and it takes everything in him not to stop there to soak in what’s just happened. The jump combination is the only thing that’s held him back from completing the performance and Doyoung wasn’t going to stop just to celebrate. 

Knees hit the ice when the music stops in his ears. Doyoung runs his hands through his hair, lips curling into a smile. He lets out a breathy laugh, letting himself fall down onto his butt. It’s the first time he’s ever landed a three jump sequence before. Unable to do even the smallest jumps in a trio. It’s surely just a coincidence. Doyoung’s positive he wouldn’t be able to do it again. It didn’t matter though because he did it once. That’s all he needed. 

There’s the soft sound of feet coming towards him. Doyoung tilts his head up to see Jungwoo running towards him. Well, as much as he can run on the ice in his sneakers. There’s arms around him and suddenly the boy is on his lap. Doyoung blinks because he didn’t even realize that Jungwoo had come in. Though he’s had the music in his ears playing at nearly full volume. Not to mention he’s been too focused on skating to notice anything else around him. 

“That was fantastic!” Jungwoo yells, a little too loud for how early it still is. 

“What are you doing here,” he breathes out, letting a small laugh slip past his lips. It’s not that Doyoung minded having Jungwoo watching him. That’s what they did. It’s something that he can’t avoid. It’s not like the whole world wasn’t watching him anyways. Though this was the time he thought he had alone, away from critical eyes. 

“I came to practice too.” Jungwoo smiles, sliding off of Doyoung’s lap and onto the ice next to him. “Then I saw you doing Jaehyun’s skate and I didn’t want to bother you.” Jungwoo looks at him with big eyes, hands grabbing at Doyoung’s arm. “I can’t believe you landed those jumps. Doyoung-” The boy looks like he’s about to cry and Doyoung quickly covers his mouth with his hand, preventing the boy from saying anything else. 

“I know,” Doyoung says, letting out a breath. “I can’t believe it either.” 

He can’t. It has to be some odd trick of fate to have him land the jumps. Doyoung wasn’t that good. Never has been that good. Yet he just did the combination that won Jaehyun first place. And if he could do that, even once, Doyoung thinks he has a chance of landing it again. Chance of getting first place in the next competition or at least stand on the podium. 

Jungwoo joins him. Skates past him quickly, tongue out and laughs falling from his mouth. It’s nothing serious. They skate around each other, Jungwoo warming up. With a water bottle in hand and smile on his lips, he watches as Jungwoo skates backwards, feet pushing into the ice and body spinning quickly. Lands once. Then up again before landing again. 

“Should I go for it?” 

He asks too late and Doyoung parts his lips to respond but Jungwoo’s already in the air. It’s not the same combination as Jaehyun’s. It’s easier and Jungwoo lands it with ease. He pushes his fist into the air, bright smile lighting up his face as he skates towards Doyoung. The water bottle gets taken out of his hands, pressing against Jungwoo’s lips instead. Jungwoo takes larges sips, finishing what’s left of the water. There’s a smile on both of their faces when they step off the ice. 

“Training starts tomorrow,” Jungwoo says, foot pressed against the edge of the bench, fingers busy tying his shoe. “You ready?” 

Doyoung was never truly ready. Mind and body not prepared for the intensive training that would take place over a short month. Then competitions would start and the balance between training, performing, and getting enough sleep and food, was never easy to find. It was going to be like every other time. Waking up early, sleep deprived and body sore. Food would consist of coffee and snack bars that Doyoung always eats too fast. Or walking to the convenience store by their apartment at two in the morning to have three bowls of ramen. 

It meant putting ice packs and heating pads all over their bodies before bed. Even between skates, when Taeil focused on one of them, letting the other rest. Meant hours of their eyes becoming dry from watching too many old skaters do jumps and spins. Hearing the same song day in and day out, even when they aren’t at the rink. The days of training meant hours of repetition. Hours of doing the same thing every single day. All for a handful of minutes in the eyes of judges, hoping for a chance at a heavy metal around their necks. 

This time was going to be different. Doyoung was sure of it. He raises his arm and Jungwoo smiles, doing the same. Their wrists touch and the kisses are placed on each others knuckles. “I’m ready.” Doyoung says, gummy smile making Jungwoo sputter out a laugh. 

 

 

 

 

 

“Doyoung, get your speed up. You’re not going to get enough air if you don’t.” Taeil snaps his fingers quickly. His hands are on his hips, eyes watching as the two circle around him. “Jungwoo you need to make sure your legs are closer together when you jump. You’re getting sloppy and it’s making you lose balance when you land.” 

Taeil’s words are loud, he’s practically screaming. Not in a mean way, just an assertive one. They’ve long passed the nice critiques. Doyoung is no longer an amature. They’re professionals, both of them. They can take the firm voice and truthful words. That’s something Taeil has never struggled with giving. Their time limit is short for the amount of work they have to do. They have only five weeks until the start of competitions. There’s no real time to pamper them. 

Doyoung feels the sweat begin to form on his forehead. With the back of his hand, he wipes it away, nose scrunching at the feeling of his skin becoming sticky. His feet don’t slow down though and he quickly picks up speed, body twisting quickly. Jungwoo is on the opposite side and Doyoung watches the way his thighs move, muscles showing through his pants. The other jumps first and as Doyoung pushes himself up, he hears the shrieking of skates against the ice followed by a loud thump. By the time he lands, feet wobbly, he sees Jungwoo laid on the ice, hands covering his face and feet kicking against the ice below him. 

Jungwoo reaches his hand out to him as Doyoung skates over to him. He tilts his feet, stopping before he stumbles into the boy. Jungwoo lets out a grunt, hand gripping at Doyoung’s as he gets pulled up to his feet. It’s hard to watch him fall. Hard to see the pain on his face. Both from frustration and how hard they always land. They’re used to it though and Jungwoo soon has a soft smile on his face. 

“Let’s take a break,” Taeil says, hand running through his hair slowly. “I can tell you’re both getting tired.” 

Tired was an understatement. It’s nearly four and they’ve been practicing the same jump sequence since ten. Not because they couldn’t land it. They both did with ease for the first few hours. Always having some slight flaws. One time it’s legs not being close together. The other it’s feet landing in the wrong position. Not rotating enough. Rotating too much. Falling. Stumbling. Having too much ice fly out from under their skates when they land. Taeil picks out every minor detail that will have points deducted from their scores. 

Jungwoo presses a tissue against his ankle, sucking in a breath as he blots the blood away. Doyoung watches, mouth full of at least half of a kimbap. “Ah,” the other says, hissing softly when he pulls the tissue away. “What did I even do,” he laughs, folding the tissue before pressing it back against his skin. 

It’s not uncommon for mystery scratches and bruises to show up. Most of them are from the ice. It can cut their skin like a blade. Bruises from how hard their muscles tighten and the way they bump against the walls of the rink. Doyoung tilts his head, shoving the rest of the kimbap in his mouth before leaning down and pressing the tissue against Jungwoo’s ankle, flicking his fingers away. The boy gets the hint and laughs, hands digging into his bag to pull out the bag of chips that he didn’t eat yesterday. 

Not even thirty minutes go by and they’re already back on the ice. Jungwoo has a bandaid sticking to his ankle, a sparkly one that glimmers in the light. Thankfully, they’re given a break from the jumps. And even from halfway across the rink, he can hear the sigh of delight come from Jungwoo. Though the same can’t be said for Doyoung when Taeil says they’re going to be practicing spins instead. Spins aren’t Doyoung’s favorites. He has no problem doing them, none at all. He likes the thrill of the jumps more. Likes being in the air, adrenaline running through him each time. 

“Jungwoo, the two spins in your skate are good. You can hit all the right angles and the right speed. But you need to learn how to relax. How to not tense up as much.” Taeil presses his hands together, a small clap echoing. “I think if you practice your transition into the spins it’ll help. Maybe work on your flexibility too. If you’re able to get in the positions more comfortably, it’ll loosen you up.” 

The boy’s face lights up, lips grinning to both sides of his cheeks. Jungwoo’s always had good flexibility. Able to do splits as stretches, acting as if it was nothing. Doyoung’s tried the spins that Jungwoo does. Tried and failed miserably. To be fair, he only practiced by himself and only once. It was enough for him to know he wasn’t cut out for it. 

“Doyoung, I’m also going to have you work on your flexibility,” he feels his stomach turn at the thought of bending his body like that. Though he’s acting as if he wouldn’t be able to do it when he knows he could perfect it after some times. “And I’ve been thinking of changing your second spin to a death drop.” It’s not as bad as it sounds. No one has died, no one is going to die, hopefully, from doing it. And Doyoung’s done one before in a competition. One of the skates that landed him in second place because of it. He was ready. Ready to take the difficulty higher. The way Taeil is looking at him, makes him think that his coach is more than ready as well. “It’ll boost your technical points.” 

The phone in Jungwoo’s hand reads just after ten. Doyoung has his headphones in, music playing softly as they wait for the subway. It’s his new song, freshly added to his playlist. It’s beautiful, like most of the things that Taeil picks out for him. There’s just the right amount of crescendos and variety in volume for him. Makes it exciting. 

“I’m going to the restaurant, if you wanna come,” Jungwoo says when they settle down in the row of seats. “Sicheng made dumplings again.” He doesn’t look up from his phone, body leaning back against the seat, legs stretched out, sparkly band aid still on his ankle. 

Doyoung doesn’t really want to go. His thighs hurt and the blisters on his feet are going to pop if he moves too much. But Sicheng’s dumplings are what makes his lips part and agree to come. “Sure,” he says with a gentle smile. “I’m not gonna stay long though. I’m exhausted.” 

Exhausted and bruised up in more places than one. Learning a new routine is always hard, even if it’s added one or two things to an old one. There’s many components leading up to it, at least the way Taeil teaches them. First they practice the basics, even though they’re well mastered in them. Body control, simple spins and jumps, it’s a warm up, basically. Then comes the breathing exercises, making sure they can maintain themselves and keep a smiling face. Taeil throws bits and pieces of their new routine at them. Jumps, spins, dance sequences, all separately. The music comes while the skate is still broken into pieces. It’s nice, really. Doyoung has only certain elements when he firsts listens to the music and as time goes on, the pieces start to fall into place and the music begins to make sense. The process is somewhat magical, if Doyoung was to put it into words. 

“That’s fine.” Jungwoo’s eyes still haven’t left his phone and there’s a smile on his lips when he continues. “I think Lucas is coming over though but we’ll sleep in my room so you don’t have to worry about waking him up.” 

Doyoung nods slowly, heels knocking together. Jealousy is a terrible feeling. One that Doyoung hates to admit that he has sometimes. There’s no feelings for Jungwoo. At least not anymore. They were there before, many years ago when Jungwoo and him first started training together for the men's league. But he couldn’t help it. The boy is so likeable. So supportive and caring. Jungwoo was there with him through everything. Through the falls and scrapes. The tears and heartbreak when they didn’t win medals. There when Doyoung won his first gold in nationals. Everything was skating, skating, skating, and Jungwoo. 

Those feelings faded away when Lucas came into the picture. He’s been there all along, really. Always been at the restaurant they walked into late at night. Right there with Sicheng. Doyoung didn’t even see it coming. He should have. Jungwoo was constantly going out instead of coming home after practice. His face would be full of blush and eyes constantly at his phone during any breaks they had. But Doyoung was too busy focusing on skating. Then one day, Jungwoo came into his room, eyes sparkling and hands held against his chest, telling him that Lucas asked him out on a date. 

Then it was back to just skating, skating, skating. It didn’t hurt as much as he thought. The feelings had been nothing more than a crush that maybe wasn’t even a romantic one. Feelings that had developed from spending every moment of every day with Jungwoo. It was only natural. And it was easy to go back to focusing on training. Probably easier than it should have been. 

The jealousy isn’t from the fact that Jungwoo is dating Lucas. Doyoung could really care less. They were happy, Jungwoo was so happy. The jealousy is not having someone to come home to. Doyoung’s always in a fight with his mind about it. He doesn’t need anyone. Likes to come home to no one to spend time with. It sounds terrible, it does, but when he’s training, he doesn’t have the energy. He barely has enough for himself, let alone a significant other. The thought of having someone there waiting for him, smile on their face, ready to ask about his day, always makes his lips curl up into a grin though. 

Doyoung’s eyes light up at the smell of the restaurant. Hands cover his stomach when he hears it growl because three kimbaps and a banana isn’t technically enough. Lucas is already on Jungwoo, gentle kisses pressing against his face. Doyoung sucks in a breath, watching the way Jungwoo’s whole body moves as he talks, hands swinging and a smile brighter than his eyes on his lips. 

They sit in the usual spot, the far right corner, pressed up against the wall. Doyoung plucks off a dumpling before Sicheng can even put the plate down on the table, earning him a laugh from Lucas. Even though he’s tired, eyes heavy with sleep and body aching from sitting in the hard chair, Doyoung can’t say that he doesn’t enjoy this. The three of them are the only friends he has. There once was more, back when he was in elementary school. Tons of friends that he could sit next to during lunch and ones he would see at the rink that evening. But the more he invested into skating, the more he loss the time to spend with others. It was easy to become friends with Sicheng and Lucas. They weren’t overbearing, weren’t texting him all day, asking to hang out. They had jobs too so they didn’t expect him to be able to reply in a timely manner. They weren’t mad when he didn’t wander into the restaurant for a few days, just happy to see him when he did. 

“Doyoung,” Sicheng says, mouth still slightly full with a dumpling. He chews, swallowing before continuing. “I saw your video of Jaehyun’s skate. It was really amazing!” 

Doyoung blinks, head tilting. “My what?” 

Sicheng smiles, hand pressing against Doyoung’s shoulder. “The video that you posted of you skating Jaehyun’s performance at the Grand Prix.” The boy pauses, smiling as he nods his head. “I think you did it better than Jaehyun.” 

“Oh yeah!” Lucas says, hands clapping together loudly. “I saw it too. You totally did it way better. The emotion,” Lucas pauses, hand coming up, fingers closing together before he kisses them with a laugh. “Amazing.” 

Brows furrow in confusion because he didn’t take a video of him skating. There was no way he could have and no way he would have. Doyoung licks at his lips, eyes looking over to Jungwoo who is awfully quiet. His cheeks are slightly pink. Head tilted down and hands between his thighs. Then it clicks. Jungwoo was there after he skated. Said he watched the whole thing. Doyoung sucks in a breath, hand curling against his thigh at the realization.

“Jungwoo did you take a video and post it online of me?” He already knows the answer. The two sitting with him have already given it away. But Doyoung wants to hear it from Jungwoo. 

There’s a whine and he hears as Jungwoo kicks his feet against the floor. A pout on his lips and puffed cheeks is what he gives Doyoung as he looks at him. The boy parts his lips before whining again. “I’m sorry! Doyoung it was just so beautiful, I had to take a video. I wanted to show everyone that you could do it too. You’re just as good as Jaehyun.” 

In a way, Doyoung isn’t mad. Jungwoo was right. He wanted the world to see that he was better than fourth place. He could do difficult jumps and spins just like Jaehyun could. Wanted to prove that he could be as good as him. But posting it online, especially without Doyoung even knowing, is hard to take. If Jungwoo had told him before, it would be different. Now he’s finding out days later that his video is all over the internet. 

“It’s already almost at five million views!” Jungwoo says quickly, eyes wide and pleading for him not to be mad. “Doyoung, people love it.” 

Conveniently, Sicheng slides his phone on the table. The video is staring at him straight in the face. Doyoung bites his lip, watching the way he moves along the ice. Jungwoo’s even done the job of putting the music on top, matching with what was playing in Doyoung’s headphones. And Jungwoo’s right, the comments under the video are flooded with positivity. It makes Doyoung’s breath hitch at the way people are reacting to it. 

“I even heard a rumor that Jaehyun watched it,” Sicheng says, leaning his elbow against the table. “There’s some article that has a picture of him watching it on his phone.” 

Doyoung feels his stomach flip. That’s not what he wanted. He slightly begins to panic, wondering if Jaehyun will think it’s some sort of challenge. It’s not. It was just something for him to prove to himself. For his own validation. Prove to himself that he could be as good. That Jaehyun wasn’t all high and mighty when it came to figure skating. 

“Please don’t be mad,” Jungwoo says quietly. 

He can’t be. Doyoung’s never been mad at Jungwoo and he doesn’t even think it’s possible. Especially not the way he’s looking at him, tears starting to form in his eyes. Doyoung sighs, shaking his head slowly. “I’m not mad.” 

It was just a video. That was it and hopefully, it’ll get him more exposure. Show others that he’s more than forth place. He could do what Jaehyun does. Looking at it now, the way his body moves, the emotion on his face, especially after landing the last jump, Doyoung can’t help but smile. 

 

 

 

 

Sunday’s are their days off. Not completely. They still end up at the rink late at night. But Taeil isn’t there. They do it for themselves instead. Right now though, Doyoung finds himself, fingers searching through the rack of clothing in front of him. His free hand has a coffee, one that hasn’t gone cold this time. He’s alone, headphones stuck in his ears, listening to the playlist full of songs that don’t remind him of skating. 

Outside of routine, Doyoung likes simple things. Likes to take walks as the sunsets, wandering down the streets of Hongdae or Itaewon. Especially now since they’re back in Seoul. It’s comforting to walk on something other than ice. Even now, the air still cold around him, almost simulating being in the rink, it feels different. It’s open, fresh air being sucked in with every breath. There’s no fluorescent lights hurting his eyes or making odd humming noises. Skating will always be on his mind, no matter what he does, but going out like this, is refreshing to say the least. 

There’s three jackets hung over his arm as Doyoung sips his coffee. He doesn’t shop often. The only thing he buys is skating outfits that have too many sequins and sparkles on them for his own good and various essentials for both ice skating and daily life. Doyoung doesn’t need many clothes. He’s got his staples, jeans, t-shirts, cardigans, and fancy button ups for important interviews. As much as he would like to have a wardrobe full of the latest fashion, it would never get worn. He spends too many hours in tight sweatpants and long sleeved shirts, feet gliding against the ice. 

It’s an accomplishment for him to be setting the jackets down at the register, head tilting down in a bow at the middle aged man staring at him. Doyoung doesn’t try and hide the grin on his lips, bag on his wrist and hands shoving his wallet back in his pocket. He takes his time wandering around the streets. Fingers pulling money out whenever he spots a food stall that makes him lick his lips. His hands become warm, holding a small bag of chestnuts. Doyoung even stalls eating them, liking the way it makes his hands feel. 

The sun begins to set as Doyoung makes his way back to the subway station. It’s barely five but winter always has the sun going down far too early for his liking. Before he can make it out of the street, the Christmas lights flicker on around him. There’s a group of children, eyes wide and hands pressing against the window of a shop that’s displaying various stuffed animals. Their bodies jump, pointing to which ones they want. Doyong lets out a small laugh, listening to their parents tell them to wait for Christmas. 

Christmas is only a little over two weeks away. Decorations and spirit are in full swing. There’s even decorations in the subway station. It’s nothing like the glittering lights outside but there’s posters and reminders to spend Christmas with family and friends. It’s a gentle reminder of all the things that Doyoung has to miss. The first few years were hard. Ones where he was too busy to go home to his parents for the holiday. Nights where he would fall asleep with tear stained cheeks and long texts from his mother and father. They understood though. They were more put together than he was when it came to the topic. Now it’s become normal. They share a phone call and a video chat throughout the month, checking up on him. It’s not ideal, in any way, but it’s what’s become of it. 

The subway is packed. It takes Doyoung two tries to get on the one he needs to. He’s pressed uncomfortably against others, body contorting into odd shapes. He hates the way they all move as one whenever the car shakes or stops. Hates being this close to other people. But the car soon empties out, all the major stations having passed, leaving only the small local ones. Doyoung’s managed to slide into a seat, bag on his lap and fingers scrolling through his phone. 

Headlines with his name on it are scattered throughout his news feed. _‘Kim Doyoung shows the world what he can really do!’ ‘Fourth place Kim Doyoung shocks fans with his perfect skate of Jung Jaehyun’s Grand Prix performance!’_ Doyoung puffs his cheeks out, sighing as he leans his head back against the window, still unsure how to feel about the situation. It was refreshing though, seeing his name talked about in a better light. Rather than the simple mentioning of him in articles about the Grand Prix. They all focused on Jaehyun and Johnny. Valentine’s day boy and the first time winner Johnny, landing in third after only two years of training. Doyoung clicks his tongue, lifting his hips up to push his phone back in his pocket. 

The apartment is empty when Doyoung opens the door. There’s the faint smell of coffee in the air, meaning that Jungwoo left not too long ago. Doyoung pushes his hand through his hair, swapping the bag on his wrist for the heavier bag with his skates. Jeans have been changed to sweatpants and turtleneck for white t-shirt. 

He’s back squished between strangers, moving together with the subway car. Doyoung has to push his way off, bag undoubtedly hitting a few people in the process. No one seems to mind though and even one of them taps his shoulder, asking if he’s Kim Doyoung. He doesn’t have time to properly respond, simply giving them a nod and a gentle smile before stepping off of the car. 

Jungwoo’s face is already pink, hand running through his hair, the other on his waist. It’s rare for the boy to be the first one on the ice. Normally it’s Doyoung, warmed up and stretched by the time Jungwoo arrives. Especially on a Sunday. 

“Hey,” Doyoung says with a smile, finger tapping Jungwoo’s shoulder. He waits for the boy to pull his headphones out before he continues. “What’s got you here so early,” it comes out as a laugh and Jungwoo smiles back at him. 

“A little extra practice never hurts,” Jungwoo licks his lips, head tilting as his brows furrow. “Didn’t you see the news?” Doyoung blinks in confusion. “Apparently Jaehyun is going somewhere new for training,” Jungwoo sighs, foot tapping against the ice. “Somewhere in Asia so that means he’s going to get even better probably. I think it’s Japan. I saw him and Yuta talking at the Grand Prix and you know they have some of the best coaches there.” The boy tilts his head, lips pursed slightly as he looks at Doyoung. “We gotta practice a lot if we wanna beat him this competition.” There’s a pause before Jungwoo reaches over, hands grabbing at Doyoung’s. “I want _you_ to beat him.” 

For Jungwoo, it’s never been about winning. Of course, it’s always something that’s in the back of his mind. All the training finally being rewarded with something only a select group of people can say they receive. It’s always been more about the sport itself. Jungwoo has fun. He enjoys doing what he does and the competitions and chances to have his name go down in history are added bonuses. For Doyoung, it’s more than that. It’s the desire to win, desire to show everyone he hasn’t wasted his life away on the ice. It’s not that he doesn’t enjoy it, he does, honestly. Enjoys everyday he walks in with sleepy eyes and hand wrapped around a warm coffee. Enjoys every time he lands a jump or successfully completes his skate without a single flaw. It’s something he’s devoted his whole life to. 

“Let’s win together, yeah?” Doyoung says, fingers wrapping around Jungwoo’s hands. The other smiles, nodding quickly as he tightens his hands, gripping Doyoung’s harder. “You and I, first and second place.” There’s a glimmer in Jungwoo’s eyes and for a moment, he wonders if it’s actually the reflection of his own eyes. 

 

 

 

 

Taeil is speaking to him, mouth moving as Doyoung’s eyes watch him, thighs pushing him backwards. There’s a clap, not a sound but a visual, and Doyoung nods. He already knows to jump. Already listened to the song a thousand times and memorized the timing. There’s still a lot to work on. Landings are sloppy and Doyoung feels his feet tap against each other when the blades touch the ice, ankles wavering. The music doesn’t stop, even when he stumbles. Doyoung sucks in a breath, picking up his speed again, trying to catch up to where he needs to be on the ice. 

Jungwoo is the one to hand him the covers for his skates. There’s a sleepy smile on his face, time way past when they usually pack up. Even Taeil is yawning, fingers tugging on the laces of his skates. Doyoung feels the way his muscles have tightened up, minutes after stepping out of the rink. The result of not having heat packs stuck to his legs after practice yesterday and probably a few other things as well. 

“What should we do for Christmas this year?” Jungwoo smiles, feet bouncing him ever so slightly. Enough for his bangs to lift up and plop back down on his forehead. The boy turns around, hands gripping the straps of his bag as he walks backwards, eyes blinking at Doyoung. “Oh, let’s have a movie marathon! We haven’t watched movies together in so long.” 

Doyoung laughs, rolling his eyes as he follows Jungwoo, eyes on his feet, making sure he doesn’t trip on anything. “We watched some on the plane on the way to the Grand Prix.” 

The other whines, body turning back around and he stops, waiting for Doyoung to be next to him to continue walking. “Yeah but it’s not the same.” Jungwoo gasps, hand reaching out to hit at Doyoung’s arm gently. “We could make hot chocolate and get in our Christmas pajamas my mom got us.” Jungwoo smiles, cheeks turning just the slightest tint of pink. “That sounds really nice, actually.” 

The air is cold around them. Both of their breaths being able to be seen in front of their lips. Thankfully Jungwoo is smart and both of them have hot packs in their pockets, keeping them slightly warmer. It’s far too late for the subway. Too late and they never like to ask Taeil for rides, even if the coach graciously offers it to them. They like the walk. They like the way their legs can slowly relax, not going from skating to sitting down in a matter of minutes. Doyoung doesn’t mind the cold. It doesn’t bother him anymore. It’s the same for Jungwoo as well, unbothered by the way his fingers have turned slightly purple from the temperature. 

The temperature isn’t any better in their apartment, truly. Doyoung taps on the heat, shivering at the way the floor feels against his socks. “You can shower first,” Jungwoo says with a smile, body sliding onto the couch, head leaned back and phone in hand. “Lucas just got off.” 

Doyoung takes his time. Starts the water off cold, not freezing but enough to make goosebumps on his skin. Hands run through his hair, shampoo sliding down his wrists. Doyoung slides down, letting his legs stretch out as the warm water hits them. It’s slightly awkward, the way his torso isn’t under the spray of the showerhead. But all he can think about is having the warm water on his thighs. 

Jungwoo is still on the couch when Doyoung walks out into the living room, towel wrapped around his waist. He can’t help the small laugh that comes out of his mouth at the sight of the boy. Jungwoo is in the same position he was when Doyoung went to shower. Body upright, head tilted back, hand holding his phone. Though his phone is barely in his hand anymore, having slid down to his wrist. Jungwoo’s cheek is pressed against the fabric, mouth parted slightly enough to see the shimmering start of drool seeping out the corner. 

The phone has fallen to his lap as Doyoung gently runs his fingers through Jungwoo’s hair. He’s changed, top covered by a simple t-shirt and old shorts that have a rip in the pocket. The boy whines, nose scrunching at the feeling but Doyoung knows that Jungwoo hates sleeping anywhere else but his bed. Jungwoo finally gets up, eyes barely open as he makes his way to his bedroom. Doyoung follows shortly after, fingers tapping the alarm on Jungwoo’s phone, setting it slightly earlier, knowing the boy will want a shower. 

The same news articles are staring at him as he lays in bed. _'Kim Doyoung shows the world what he can really do!’ ‘Fourth place Kim Doyoung shocks fans with his perfect skate of Jung Jaehyun’s Grand Prix performance!’_ There’s a few new ones but they’re all relatively the same. Though there’s a few that catches his eyes, not enough for him to click on though. As always, there’s articles about Jaehyun. Ones about Johnny now too that he doesn’t bother to read either. During this time of the year, it’s mostly backstory on them. History of their skates and predictions for the next series of competitions. The same things they always put out every year. 

Doyoung’s lips curl into a frown when he pauses his thumb, sore from scrolling too much, and lands on Jaehyun’s article. ‘ _Jung Jaehyun spotted at the airport. Rumors of new training grounds! Goodbye America, Hello ?”_ And Doyoung scoffs at the terrible quality of the fantaken pictures of him. Ones so bad that he couldn’t even tell that it was Jaehyun. It might not even be. With his eyes beginning to hurt and time quickly passing, Doyoung slides his phone on the nightstand. Fingers tug his blanket up over his shoulders and his body turns on it’s side. If he was going to beat Jaehyun, he needed to do several things. Proper sleep is one of them. 

 

 

 

 

There’s knocking. Doyoung presses his face against his pillow, legs curling up slowly, not bothered by the sting of his muscles at the position. More knocking. Eyes open slowly to the darkened room. He lets out a sigh, hoping that it’s just Jungwoo waking him up. Maybe he’s overslept. Hands push him up, fingers rubbing at his eyes as he taps on his phone. It’s only just past four, he still had another forty five minutes. It couldn’t be Jungwoo. The boy liked to get up early but not this early. 

Feet slide against the floor, not bothering to take proper steps. Doyoung tilts his head, eyes blinking to focus on Jungwoo. He’s still fast asleep in his bed, body nearly pressed against the wall. There’s another knock. Doyoung sighs. It might be Taeil. Probably not. Their coach hardly ever wanders to their apartment. He’s been over once and it only lasted about fifteen minutes. It was early on in their career with Taeil as their coach. Both of them had overslept, eight in the morning displaying on their clocks. Needless to say, they’ve never overslept again. 

It wouldn’t be Sicheng or Lucas. Both of them would call if something was wrong instead of showing up in the early morning, fist knocking on their door. There was no one else. Both him and Jungwoo’s parents would call as well and definitely not show up randomly. Doyoung squints as his fingers flick on the light so he can see the small display that shows their front door. It only takes him a moment to see something familiar on the camera. 

A dimple. Two dimples to be more precise. Doyoung blinks again. Once more. He tilts his head, pressing his lips together before letting his feet begin walking back to his room. A dream. That’s all it was. Probably from reading all those articles before bed. Seeing that stupid name over and over again. A nightmare, he could call it. But another knock and the chime of his doorbell makes him stop, head turning back to look at the door. 

A dimple is sunken into soft cheeks. A smile that’s nice enough to star in a commercial is staring at him. Eyes that are curled down into crescents, head tilted slightly and fingers wrapped around a suitcase. Doyoung blinks again and he hopes that he doesn’t get asked if his eyes are dry from the amount of times he’s blinked in the last minute. It _has_ to be a dream. Because at four in the morning, at his apartment, there should not be a smiling boy staring at him, looking much too awake for the time. 

“Doyoung, can I come in? It’s pretty cold out here.” There’s a pout on his lips and Doyoung swears he hears the smallest whine. Though the other doesn’t wait for a response. Instead, he pushes his suitcase in, making a rather loud noise as it hits against the wall. Shoes come off and soon he’s wandering around the living room, eyes taking everything in. “This is nice. Do you live alone?” 

“No,” Doyoung says quietly, yawn interrupting what he wants to say next. Once he’s finished, he sucks in a breath, continuing his sentence. “I live with Jungwoo.” 

“I suppose that makes sense,” the other says, hands falling on his hips. “Though it’s a little small for two people, don’t you think?” 

It’s not really. Not when their time at the apartment is really only for sleeping. It has a big enough living room for a comfortable sized couch, a tv against the wall, and a kitchen off to the side. One bathroom but that’s all they truly need. They honestly could have gotten away with a one bedroom, both of them sharing a bed, but Doyoung decided against it when they were looking. 

Sometime during the time Doyoung thinks back to when he was first looking for apartments, the sleep seems to wear off of him. With the sleepiness fading, his mind starts to put the pieces together that this isn’t a dream. Doyoung feels his heart begin to flutter, not in a good way. Fingers curl against his thigh, pinky pressing into the small hole that’s been there since he could remember. 

“Wait,” he says, fingers pinching between his brows. “Wait, why are you _here_?” 

There’s more that he should say. More he could say. Jaehyun is staring at him. Staring at him with a smile on his face and a grin on his lips, those dimples looking deeper than ever. Jung Jaehyun, his subconscious rival, is standing in his apartment at four in the morning. Needless to say, there’s almost too much that Doyoung could say right now. Too much that his mouth and mind have lost connection. 

Jaehyun smiles. Smiles wide enough for his eyes to be crescents and at this point, Doyoung thinks his dimples have become permanent on his cheeks. “I’m here to be your coach.” Jaehyun lets out a laugh, hand running through his hair. 

“I already have a coach,” Doyoung says quickly, lips pressing together after. Jaehyun knows that. Everyone knows that. Taeil _talks_ to Jaehyun’s coach. And Doyoung doesn’t need a new coach, there wasn’t even anything signaling that he did. And it definitely wouldn’t be Jaehyun even if he did. “I-,” Doyoung pauses, hands pressing against his cheeks as he stares at the way Jaehyun is looking back at him. “Why are you here? Why did you come here? There’s absolutely no reason for you to be in Korea. In Seoul. In my _apartment_. How did you-” Doyoung knows he’s being too loud. Knows he’s asking too many questions but he can’t stop. “How did you even find where I _live_?” 

“Hey now,” Jaehyun says, hands coming up to his chest, palms facing Doyoung as he lets out a sigh. “Let’s not get too worked up so early. I’m still tired from the plane ride. Do you know how long it took to get here?” Doyoung’s mouth falls open when Jaehyun walks to his tiny kitchen, hand tugging the fridge door open, head dipping into the light. “Do you have any water? Water bottles? I only drink out of water bottles.” Jaehyun’s head is turned, eyes looking back at Doyoung. 

Doyoung lets out a groan. “No, I don’t. Now please-” he takes a breath, letting it out with every step he takes towards Jaehyun. “Please leave.” It comes out more like a question than a statement. Jaehyun is staring at him, light from the fridge lighting up half of his face and even in the imperfect lighting, Doyoung can’t help the way his breath hitches at the smoothness of his skin. “I don’t know why you came here,” he breathes out, voice shaky as Jaehyun stands up, hand pushing the fridge door closed gently. “But I really don’t want you here. I don’t need a coach. I don’t _want_ a new coach. I’m-” Doyoun realizes how quiet he’s talking now, voice fading to mix with the soft hum of the fridge next to them. “Please leave.” 

Even in the silence between them, Doyoung doesn’t hear the footsteps coming out of Jungwoo’s room. Doesn’t even notice him until he’s saying his name. Jaehyun is still staring at him. There’s not a particular emotion on his face. Doyoung doesn’t think there’s one on his either. He’s never been this close to Jaehyun before. The boy’s face has been far too close on TV screens and in pictures but he’s never gotten to see the dots of his blurred freckles on his cheeks before. Seen how long his lashes are and how they barely touch the tops of his cheeks when he blinks. 

“Doyoung,” Jungwoo’s voice is soft and much closer this time. “Jaehyun?” There’s still sleepiness laced through his voice but the sight of Jaehyun seems to wake him up. “What’s going on?” 

Jungwoo is still in his clothes from last night. Tight sweatpants and a long sleeved shirt that hangs off his shoulders. Bangs are different directions and cheeks are slightly swollen. Jaehyun starts talking. Doyoung can’t hear him though. He’s blocked his voice out, eyes staring down at the way Jungwoo’s feet rub against each other, toes curling slowly as he speaks. He hears the way they both call his name while he slips his shoes on. Hears but doesn’t listen as he opens the door, cold air hitting his chest, making him almost lose his breath for a moment. Then the silence of the early morning is what surrounds him. 

Doyoung doesn’t have a particular place he’s going. No destination in mind. The only thing he wants is to be alone. Somewhere far away from those cheeks that have dimples that could kill. Even away from the softness that’s Jungwoo. Even away from the cold that’s surround him because for once, Doyoung finds his arms wrapping around himself, attempting to warm himself up. 

Lights make a soft hum as his fingers flick the switch. They take their time warming up, long fluorescent bulbs brightening with each step that he takes. There’s no skates on his feet. No blades that can slide against the ice with ease. Only old sneakers that are falling apart at the heels. Doyoung feels his feet slip even as he steps onto the ice. There’s no point in him being on the rink. No point in attempting to walk across. But the ice is the only thing that is able to clear his head. And that’s all he wants. 

There’s no music filling his ears. No headphones that have been made custom to make sure they never fall out. There’s nothing filling the silence of the open rink. But there doesn’t have to be. Doyoung lets his hands fall into place, right over his chest. Lets his mind create every note of the song that he’s memorized. And just as his mind has memorized it, his body has too. It’s far from pretty. Feet slide on the ice, threatening to make him lose balance with every step. He doesn’t travel across the whole rink, legs taking long strides to cover as much as he can. They stay rather still, only bending and moving to change his body direction. 

It’s comfort. That’s what it is. Doyoung lets out a breath, knees pressing into the ice. It’s part of the routine but he does it for a different reason. The ice takes longer than usual to melt under him. Mostly because his skin is cold, body temperature not as warm as it is when the music stops. Hands press against his face. They only stay for a moment before they press against his thighs, fingers spreading out along his shorts. 

“You’re going to catch a cold.” 

Doyoung doesn’t budge. Eyes are staring down at the way his knees have become red from the ice under them. The way his knuckles are white from how tightly he’s gripping his thighs. It didn’t matter, if he got sick or not. Nothing would change. And Doyoung would rather stay put, letting his eyes melt the ice faster than his skin can. 

It’s not Jungwoo’s shoes that are in front of him, dangerously close to his knees. Not Jungwoo’s voice that is speaking to him silently. Not even Taeil’s. It’s the voice that’s always talking through microphones and on TV. The voice that anyone in the world of figure skating could recognize these days. The voice of someone that Doyoung told to go home. Because he still doesn’t understand why he’s here. Why he came to Korea. This is not what he wants. This is not what he’s ever wanted. Never wished for. 

Maybe he should be excited. Perhaps he’s overreacting. The person standing above him is the reigning champion. The Grand Prix first prize winner. Doyoung thinks about the group of boys that he met at the cafe. How they probably would cry at the sight of the person in front of them. More happy than they were to meet him. Jaehyun was better. So much better. In plenty of ways. 

“What do you need to prove,” Doyoung says quietly, fingers curling around the ends of his shorts that rest on his thighs. “You’ve already shown what you can do, Jaehyun. Why are you here? To make fun of me? To laugh in my face about getting forth place? I’ve already done that enough.” 

Everything comes out at once, in one breath. So fast that it leaves him out of air, voice shaking at the end. Doyoung feels his cheeks begin to heat up, filling with regret. Maybe he’s said too much. Jaehyun hasn’t done anything wrong. Nothing at all. The boy has never been mean to him, no matter what the situation. But Doyoung just can’t--can’t accept that he’s right in front of him. There was no reason other than a selfish one. 

Jaehyun sits down in front of him. His legs cross and he leans forward, head tilting enough so he can look Doyoung in the eyes. Doyoung quickly looks away, pressing his lips together, not caring the way Jaehyun lets out a laugh. “I already told you, Doyoung. Were you not listening to me?” Doyoung scrunches his face up. Of course he was listening to him. He even responded to the statement several times. It just didn’t make _sense._ “You want to beat me, right? You want to get first place instead of me.” 

Doyoung blinks, head tilting up just enough to see the way Jaehyun’s fingers are playing with his own bangs. Jaehyun has a smile on his lips when he realizes that Doyoung’s looking at him. One that lives up to his name as Valentine’s day boy. It makes Doyoung suck in a breath slowly. He was right. It wasn’t a secret, honestly. He’s sure many people wanted to snatch the boy’s fame away. Rid him of his talents or become better than him. 

“I saw you skate. _My_ skate. It was good,” Doyoung feels his brows furrow and his lips twitch, wanting to open to say something. “But I can help you make it perfect. Help you be as good as I am.” 

“Aren’t you,” Doyoung breathes out, teeth biting at the side of his cheek. “Don’t you have your own training to do? And there’s Johnny too and just-” a breath before Doyoung feels his body slump against itself, muscles relaxing and hands falling off his thighs. _“What._ ” 

“I’ve seen the way you look when you watch me skate,” Jaehyun says, hand resting against his cheek, elbow pressed against his knee. “Doyoung, I read the article where you said I’m the skater you admire the most.” 

He does. He really does. Jaehyun is _perfect_. Perfect and sitting in front of _him_. At _his_ rink. In _his_ country. Offering _his_ skills to Doyoung. There’s silence between them for too long. Far too long and if Jaehyun wasn’t still staring at him, smile on his lips, he’s almost positive that he would have left, thinking Doyoung wasn’t ever going to respond to him. 

“I can make you win,” Jaehyun says. Voice is so thick with a promise that could be as empty as the rink. “What’s there to lose? I’m certainly not going to make you a worse skater.” It’s true. Jaehyun helping him would only benefit him. Jaehyun’s flown all the way here from the states. A ridiculous move but one that he did. To come help Doyoung. And Doyoung has absolutely no idea why he would do such a thing. With a deep breath, he realizes it’s because that’s what kind of person Jaehyun _is_. 

Doyoung doesn’t hate Jaehyun. He hates the confidence he exudes. Confidence that Doyoung could never have. Even though he’s younger than him, only by a year, Doyoung has always looked up to Jaehyun. Admired how he can capture everyone’s hearts with his smile. With his dimples. With his personality. All of them combined with his talent of skating, makes for someone that can win over everything and everyone. 

So maybe while sitting here in front of Jaehyun, knees practically touching, ice melting into their clothes and hum of the fans above them, maybe Doyoung nods his head. It’s the slightest nod, one that doesn’t even have his bangs moving against his forehead. One he’s not sure can even be considered a nod. Maybe the idea of Jaehyun helping him makes him nod again. The same idea making his cheeks turn a soft pink, head tilting down to hide it. Maybe it’s because he knows this will be beneficial that he nods for a final time. 

It’s the first time that Doyoung looks at Jaehyun and lets his lips curl into a smile. A small one. But it’s there.

 

 

 

 

 

Jungwoo is staring at him. Eyes blinking slowly and head tilted. Doyoung is trying to ignore him. Trying. But Jungwoo’s stare isn’t something that can be ignored easily. Especially not with the way he’s been saying his name softly every few minutes. 

Doyoung sighs, fingers tugging on the laces of his skates, pushing his heel against the ground. “What,” he says, a little meaner than he wants it to come out. Jungwoo doesn’t seem to mind though. 

“Why is Jaehyun here?” 

Jaehyun. The boy is currently in the middle of the rink, hands on his hips as he talks to Taeil. They’re both laughing, smiles bright on their face. Doyoung sucks in a breath, letting it out slowly as he arches his back, arms stretching out in front of him and fingers tangling with each other. “He’s here to help.” 

Jungwoo stands up when Doyoung does. He’s close, chest pressed against Doyoung’s shoulder. “Doyoung this is-,” there’s confusion on the boy’s face and Doyoung honestly can’t blame him. “You don’t _like_ Jaehyun.” 

Lips are pursed out slightly and Doyoung sighs, head gently rolling back along the line of his shoulders. Jungwoo was right. Doyoung didn’t like Jaehyun. Even now, watching him talk so casually with Taeil makes his chest expand with a breath of jealousy. “This isn’t about liking him,” Doyoung says simply, letting his head tilt to meet with Jungwoo’s concerned eyes. “This is about winning.” 

Doyoung bites his lip, watching the way Jungwoo’s face doesn’t change. Still the same concerned look contorting it. Even as he pulls away from him, skates wobbly against the floor, hating being on anything but ice. He hears the soft laughter that comes from Jaehyun before he looks up at him, eyes meeting with his. 

“I’m excited to see you skate.” 

There’s a feeling in his stomach, one that makes it do the smallest of flips but a big enough one to make his cheeks turn pink. He can hear Jungwoo stepping into the rink behind him, skates softly scraping against the ice. Doyoung nods, tilting his head down to no longer meet with Jaehyun’s eyes. 

They do their usual routine. Stretching, warm up, spins, jumps, stretching again, over and over again. It last hours, how it normally does. Jaehyun stays to the side, watching. Lips are pressed together, arms crossed over his chest and body leaned back against the edge of the barrier. The other hasn’t said anything. Hasn’t moved since they’ve started. He’s simply observing. Eyes following their every move.

Jaehyun doesn’t even budge when Doyoung’s body slaps against the ice, sliding several feet before stopping. Taeil is the one to grab his arm, helping him off the ground. Doyoung’s eyes flicker over towards Jaehyun. The other licks at his lips, dimple showing as Jungwoo slides past him. Jungwoo jumps, body spinning quickly before his skates touch the ground, leg coming out to balance himself. 

“Are you okay,” Jungwoo asks, still trying to catch his breath when Doyoung wipes the ice off his leg. “That looked like it hurt.” 

It did. Doyoung nods, arm twisting and chin resting on his shoulder to see the nice scrape that he’s gotten from sliding. Taeil moves away, saying something about getting a bandaid before he’s stepping off the ice. Jungwoo looks at him only for a brief moment before his eyes flicker over to where Jaehyun’s watching them. 

“Doyoung, I really don’t think this is a good idea.” There’s a pout on Jungwoo’s lips before he looks back at him. “He unpacked all his things too. They’re _everywhere._ Doyoung he’s really planning to stay.” 

Jaehyun _has_ unpacked. Doyoung watched him from behind his bedroom door, tiny crack between the frame and the actual door being enough for him to see through. Watched him hang possibly his whole collection of outfits off the doors that close off the kitchen counter. There’s twice as many shoes against the door as both Jungwoo’s and Doyoung’s combined. And Doyoung watched as he shoved two pieces of gum in his mouth, rolling up the wrappers only to throw them on the couch instead of the trashcan. 

Taeil comes back. There’s a wrapped bandaid in one hand and a small tissue in the other. Jungwoo skates away, hands rubbing his elbows as he slowly moves around the rink, careful to not get too close to Jaehyun. Doyoung doesn’t even realize he’s staring at the other until there’s a hand waving at him, smile brightly shining at him. 

“I’m going out,” Jungwoo says as he shoves his skates into his bag, hand lifting it up to hook it over his shoulder. His voice is firmer than usual and it makes Doyoung narrow his eyes. Jungwoo presses his lips together, only looking at Doyoung for a moment before tugging the other strap to his bag over his arm. “Lucas wants to go out to have dinner,” he says quietly. “And spend some time together before he has to go home for Christmas.” 

Doyoung nods slowly. Jungwoo doesn’t normally say so much about his plans. It’s always a simple _‘I’m hanging out with Lucas’_ or _‘I’ll be back later.’_ And the way he’s speaking, voice quickened, and the way his fingers are curled against the straps to his bag, make Doyoung think there’s another reason he’s going out. 

He doesn’t move off the bench. Jungwoo leaves, the sound of the large doors shutting echoing through the rink. Taeil has long gone too, leaving just after nine. Doyoung doesn’t rush to move. Doesn’t push himself off the bench until several minutes later. It’s only when his hand reaches out for the door that a different one lands on his shoulder. 

Jaehyun’s staring at him with gentle eyes. The boy’s cheeks are slightly pink from the cold and Doyoung didn’t even realize that Jaehyun was still here. The boy had left nearly an hour ago and he definitely didn’t see him come back in. Yet here he was, fingers cold against his shoulder and lips pressed together in a smile. 

“Let’s skate.” he says quietly. 

Doyoung wants to say no. Wants to shake his head and walk out the door instead. Like normal, his whole body is aching. Possibly even worse than most days from his lack of sleep. All he wants to do is go home, shower, and go to sleep. Especially since Jungwoo isn’t going to be home. He doesn’t have to hang around the living room and make conversation, not that it’s honestly ever a problem because Jungwoo is a delight to be around. Just, having to not worry about keeping up with social interaction and tucking his headphones in his ears and falling asleep, sounded so much better. 

Instead, he’s back on the ice. Doyoung has his arms crossed in front of his chest, eyes blinking slowly as he watches Jaehyun skate around him. It’s nothing particular, nothing routine or anything with reason. He just _skates,_ eyes staying connected with Doyoung’s as he moves around the rink. 

“What are you least comfortable with?” He asks, making Doyoung almost turn around to keep the eye contact. “I’d say jumps, if I had to take a wild guess based on your skating earlier.” There’s a grin on Jaehyun’s lips and it makes Doyoung narrow his eyes. 

“Jumps.” he says with a breath. It is. It’s absolutely the thing he’s least comfortable with. It’s the one with the highest failure rate for him. More often than not, he lands on the ice, sliding across it in the middle of the routine. 

“You’re overthinking them.” Jaehyun says flatly. “You’re thinking too much about the landing before even jumping.” He stops talking as he turns his body around, tilting it slightly forward and Doyoung puffs his cheeks out, realizing what he’s doing. Jaehyun pushes himself up. It’s quick, only a few seconds, before he’s grounded again. Balance never lost and form _perfect_. 

“How can I not think about landing? That’s the main part. If I don’t think about it then I’ll-” 

Jaehyun rolls his eyes, scoffing as his body stops in front of Doyoung. Cheeks are slightly more red and Doyoung watches as Jaehyun catches his breath slowly. “You’ll what? Fall? Doyoung,” he says with a laugh, hand running through his hair, bangs falling slowly onto his forehead. “You know how to jump. There’s no reason to think about it. Your body _knows_ what to do.” 

“That’s the stupidest thing I’ve ever heard,” Doyoung says, foot tapping against the ice, eyes tearing away from Jaehyun’s. 

“Try it.” Jaehyun responds and when Doyoung tilts his head up enough to look at the other, his lips are pressed together, arms crossed on his chest and head tilted. “Just jump. Don’t think about how your legs are positioned. Don’t think about your toes or even your arms. Jump and trust your body.” 

Doyoung takes his time skating into the jump. He circles the rink several times, earning a few snaps from Jaehyun to hurry up. He doesn’t understand what Jaehyun means. How could he _not_ think about jumping? How could he not think about landing? If he doesn’t think, he might forget. Might turn too many times or not enough if he doesn’t count. The timing could be off and his skates could knock together and have him falling before even landing. Not thinking wasn’t an option. 

Then he’s overthinking about overthinking. Teeth press together and his jaw tightens as he turns around, head turning enough for him to see behind him. By the time he’s in the air, he knows that it isn’t going to end like he wants it to. Instead of landing, the edge of his skate scrapes the ice, making his balance practically nonexistent. As expected, he tumbles to the ground, the curves of his body that stick out hitting way too hard for his liking. 

Jaehyun doesn’t help him up. He stands over him, bangs hanging off his face as he looks down at him. “Thinking too much.” Is all he says before skating away. He starts again when Doyoung finally pushes himself up, fingers rubbing at his shoulder. “Do you think about every movement in your routines when you skate?” Jaehyun waits until Doyoung stares at him to start again. “Do you think about every single twist that your body has to take? Or how it needs to be at a certain place on the ice when that one piano note is played?” 

Doyoung sucks in a breath, letting it out slowly. He does. He really and honestly does think about all of those things. Doyoung is technical, incredibly so. Loves to create a kind of equation in his head about everything. If the music is at this point then his body must be at this angle to create the perfect result. It’s his way of making sure that he does everything correctly. 

“Thinking too much,” Jaehyun says again, for the thousandth time. “Stop overanalyzing everything, Doyoung.” He hates the way Jaehyun says it. Hates it. The boy talks as if they’re friends. As if they’ve known each other for their whole lives. It’s as if he didn’t just fly here on a whim, all to help Doyoung get the first place medal everyone knew he was desperate for. 

“It’s late,” Doyoung says quietly. “I’m going home.” 

It’s a rather stupid thing to say considering Jaehyun has decided that he’s going to make a temporary home out of Doyoung’s apartment. His intentions are to avoid Jaehyun. Mind already tired from practicing all day and now Jaehyun’s practically telling him that he’s skating wrong. Maybe it was a bad idea. Maybe Doyoung should have never answered the door at four in the morning to his smiling face. Jungwoo is right, Doyoung doesn’t like Jaehyun. Doesn’t like him here in his rink, telling him how to skate. It’s Doyoung’s routine. Doyoung’s way of performing. And he thinks as he steps off the rink, maybe it’s okay if he doesn’t get gold next season. 

“Doyoung.” Jaehyun’s voice is soft, not in volume but in tone. “Doyoung,” he says once more when Doyoung doesn’t turn around and continues walking. 

“What,” Doyoung spit out, eyes narrowing when he stops walking, shoulders slumping and lips scrunching together slightly into a pout. 

“I’m just trying to help you-” 

“What if I don’t want your help, Jaehyun?” Doyoung swallows, fingers curling up against his thighs. He turns around slowly, biting down on his lip only for a second before letting it go. “I didn’t ask you for help,” he says in a breath, eyes focusing on the way Jaehyun’s laces are barely tied. “I didn’t tell you to come here.” Doyoung didn’t need another person. He had Jungwoo. Had Taeil. That’s all he needs. That’s all he’s ever needed. Jaehyun can’t just show up and expect Doyoung to follow his every command. The thought makes Doyoung’s cheek twitch, nails digging into his pants. “You’re acting like you’re all high and mighty. Like you know everything there is to know. You may know skating but that’s _your_ way of skating. I have mine.” 

Doyoung sits down, bangs lifting slightly then plopping back down on his forehead from how fast he sat on the bench. Fingers work quickly at the laces of his skates. It takes longer than he wants it to. They stand in the uncomfortable silence for far too many seconds. Doyoung almost wishes that Jaehyun would say something instead of staring at him like he’s doing. 

Jaehyun doesn’t follow him. Doesn’t open the door after it closes behind him. There’s no dimple cheeks that smile at him as he walks down the hill that leads up to the rink. Absolutely no one calling his name or talking to him. Doyoung shoves his headphones in, neck rolling with the line of his shoulders. His jacket is still in his bag, hair on his arms standing up from the goosebumps that have textured his skin. It’s fine. It’s what he likes. 

Jungwoo isn’t home when he turns the lights on. No sign of him either. There’s not even the boy’s skate bag that normally rests by the door. For a moment, Doyoung thinks about texting him. Possibly apologizing for nothing. He doesn’t. Instead, he turns on the shower, shutting the door behind him, thumb pushing in the lock. 

The water starts off cold, practically the same temperature as it is outside, at least that’s what it feels like to Doyoung. It makes his body shiver, tingling all the way down to his spine. Doyoung lets the shower warm up slowly. Didn’t even bother to wait after turning on the hot water. Once it’s warming him instead of making him shiver, Doyoung doesn’t want to leave. It’s so warm, too warm for his liking if he was being honest. But it’s what he wants right now. Warmth. 

Two blankets get pulled over him and his fingers press the play button on his playlist, headphones snug in his ears. But before the first song can finish, Doyoung finds himself in the living room, feet sliding against the floor. Slowly, his fingers unlock the door. Doyoung knows that Jungwoo will come home. He always comes home. He hates to sleep anywhere but his own bed. And this was just a nice gesture, leaving the door unlocked. At least that’s what Doyoung thinks to himself. Maybe he’s out drinking or maybe he’ll come home too tired to be bothered with the lock, even if it is simply a fingerprint. 

Doyoung nearly trips over the bag that’s sticking out from under the coffee table as he walks back to his room. 

 

 

 

 

 

There’s loud cheering from the right side of the rink. Doyoung watches off to the side, hands curled around the wall of the barrier, nails digging into the small foam that covers the top. Lucas is on the other side, arms up and smile brighter than the way the fluorescent lights illuminate the white of the ice. It isn’t often that Lucas comes to watch them practice. Doyoung’s only seen him a handful of times. He wonders if they have plans after, even though they won’t be done for several more hours. Lucas probably just has off work, that’s why he’s here. 

Music is no longer played through headphones. Instead, it comes from a speaker in Taeil’s hand. It normally comes through the sound system throughout the rink but it’s far too early for that. The music needs to be stopped and started constantly. Over and over again. Jungwoo doesn’t even get through the first half before needing the music to stop. 

Jungwoo is gorgeous on ice. He doesn’t have to be in sparkly clothing or under a handful of spotlights illuminating his face. Doyoung presses his lips together, letting his arms cross over his chest as he watches Jungwoo. It’s only practice, very, very early practice. So early that Taeil’s even talked about changing his song. They haven’t even been home for two weeks yet but this is how they like it. They don’t waste time, never liked to. 

The way Jungwoo’s face follows the music with the same emotion is breathtaking. It’s something he’s always been good at. Even if his technical scores aren’t always high, his component scores made up for them. Doyoung isn’t the only one fascinated by Jungwoo. Lucas is looking at him like he’s the most wonderful thing on the planet. To him, Jungwoo probably is. Doyoung watches the way he pats his hands on his cheeks when Jungwoo begins to skate backwards. Lucas isn’t a figure skating expert, not by any means, but he knows enough to recognize when Jungwoo is going to jump. The boy can barely keep his eyes open when Jungwoo does. The boy lands with grace. Light and his skate barely makes a sound against the ice. 

Jungwoo stops there. He runs his hand through his hair a few times, lips curling into a smile at the way Taeil pats his shoulder. It only takes a few seconds for him to skate over to Lucas, gaining a long kiss from the boy. Doyoung feels his lips curl into a frown and lets his head tilt down. The tip of his blade digs into the ice and Doyoung pushes down harder, making it even worse. 

“Where’s Jaehyun?” 

Doyoung looks up at Jungwoo’s voice. His fingers are pushing his bangs to the side. They’re light and fluffy and immediately return to their original position. Jaehyun. Doyoung wasn’t exactly sure. He didn’t care, honestly. Perhaps a little but not enough to voice it. Though Doyoung heard the door open twice sometime during the night and even if Jaehyun wasn’t there on the couch, his things were still scattered around the living room. 

“Why would I know?” He says quietly, eyes blinking as he watches Jungwoo suck in a breath. 

“Isn’t he supposed to be helping you?”

“I told him I don’t want his help,” Doyoung says, fully knowing that Jungwoo is going to say something back to him. Something that he can already predict. 

“That’s not what you said yesterday,” he breathes out in the exact way that Doyoung expects him to. “I thought he was going to help you win gold.” 

Nothing comes out of Doyoung in terms of a response. He doesn’t know what to say back to Jungwoo. Doesn’t know if he wants to say anything at all. All of it had seemed like a good idea at first. Seemed okay when they were on the ice together, way before dawn. The way Jaehyun talked to him, gentle and thoughtful. The promises of finally having that gold medal around his neck seemed wonderful. Now too, that thought still makes Doyoung’s heart flutter. But Jaehyun couldn’t just comes into his life and act like he knew everything about Doyoung. That’s not how things work. That’s not how Doyoung works. 

“I can do it by myself.” Doyoung nods, gentle smile tugging his lips up. He reaches out, fingers brushing against the curve of Jungwoo’s elbow. “I’d rather do it myself.” 

Jungwoo leaves. The other is always the first to pack up on most nights. Lucas is gone but Jungwoo mumbles something about hanging out with him again. Doyoung nods, waving him goodbye, skates still tightly on his feet and cheeks still red from the cold. He’s alone. Not a single person left in the rink. It’s been quiet all day, only a few couples coming and going. When Doyoung grabs his phone off the barrier, he sighs. Christmas is only two days away. Though, it’s not like it matters. At least not to Doyoung. 

Doyoung stays. With hands running through his hair, he circles along the barrier, skates making the slightest bit more noise due to the silence around him now. One breath. Two breaths. Three breaths. Then he’s in the middle of the rink. Fingers tap on his ear and when Doyoung hears the music begin to play, he closes his eyes. 

It’s wrong of him to think of it but he can’t help but remember what Jaehyun said to him. Wrong of him to even think about Jaehyun. But it’s only natural when the song playing in his ears is the one he’s heard every time Jaehyun’s face is on the TV. The first few movements are shaky. Doyoung finds himself taking a breath, a longer one than usual when he skates. Stop overthinking. Jaehyun’s voice is so clear in his head that it’s annoying. 

All Doyoung wants is to better himself at skating. All he wants to do is be better than Jaehyun. Be better than Jungwoo even. It’s the most frustrating thing. Doyoung knows he’s good. Knows he has what it takes to outperform them. All he can think about is finally hearing Korea’s anthem being played through the stadium. Having his gummy smile and glittery face showing on the multiple screens instead of someone else. Having Jungwoo next to him too, equally as happy and exciting. 

That’s what he wants. Wants so bad that it’s incredibly annoying. It feels like he’s said the same things in his head for the last three years. Said the exact same words and phrases that kept coming short of reality. Even in the duration of the song playing through his headphones, the same thoughts have been running through his mind. Doyoung is chasing them, feet moving quickly along the ice, hoping to catch up to his dreams. 

The music stops but something else fills the silence that begins. Doyoung turns around, lips parted as he tries to catch his breath. There’s hands pressing together in gentle claps. Feet that are tucked tightly in skates move towards him in a fluid string of glides. Doyoung presses his lips together tightly when his eyes meet with Jaehyun’s. 

“You weren’t thinking about skating, were you?” 

If they were to get technical, Doyoung was. Skating is always on his mind, no matter what or where or who he’s with. But he knows that’s not what Jaehyun means. “No,” Doyoung breathes out slowly. There was no calculated steps or counting in his head. Doyoung didn’t think about the next move or the next three moves either. He let his mind wander where it wanted and his body take over. It’s only then that he realizes that he didn't fall. Not once. Not even during the jump combination that’s taken him over a hundred tries to even barely land. 

“I’m sorry,” Jaehyun says quietly. The apology isn’t connected to anything. At least nothing that Doyoung can think of. Doyoung watches as he takes a breath, letting it out slowly, making the air in front of his mouth turn into a gentle white puff before disappearing. Like usual, silence falls between them. A lack of comfortability and familiarness getting the best of them. Jaehyun breaks the air between them. “That was beautiful, by the way.” There’s the smallest smile on his lips, one that’s barely even noticeable and wouldn’t be if it wasn’t for his dimple starting to sink in. “I could tell the difference. You may not think it but it shows when you don’t overanalyze everything.”

He hates to think about it. Hates to think that Jaehyun is right. For almost the entire time, Doyoung didn’t think about how his toes need to point right at this time or his hips need to be angled when he goes into a spin. He did exactly like Jaehyun had told him to. Doyoung had let his body do what it knows how to do. 

“Doyoung,” Jaehyun starts. There’s a pause and Doyoung blinks slowly at the way Jaehyun’s face contorts into concentration. “I know it’s odd, this whole thing.” The boy lets out a laugh, teeth biting down on his lip for a moment. “But I came here with good intentions, I promise.” 

“You don’t-” Doyoung frowns, brows furrowing and eyes focusing on the ice below him. “You don’t even know me. Why do you want to help me so much? Am I that much of a failure?” 

The look on Jaehyun’s face turns from concentration to confusion. Doyoung doesn’t see it happen but he can hear it in his voice instead. “Doyoung, that’s not what I said. And,” a pause and a breath, “you’re not.” 

Their eyes meet and Doyoung pushes his hands in his pockets, fingers curling at the slight warmth the fabric brings. “Then tell me why you’re really here. Honestly. I have a coach, a wonderful one so I don’t need you to coach me. If you’re not here to,” Doyoung’s brows furrow before he continues, “to mock me or whatever.” His mouth parts for a sigh as he lets out the last part, “Then why did you come here? You’re a skater, you have a life, you have your own training to do and your own trainee to be with. So why did you fly all the way to Korea to help me?”

Doyoung doesn’t blame Jaehyun for the look on his face. He’s just said too much in one breath. Too much in general and his chest rises and falls slowly, attempting to catch his breath. Jaehyun takes his time to respond. Let’s Doyoung start to breathe normally and his lips to press together, not desperate to get as much air as possible anymore. 

“I’m interested in you.” The words make Doyoung’s eyes widen and he can’t help the surprised look on his face. It makes his head skip a beat and he’s sure that it’s not what Jaehyun actually means. The other nods slowly, fingers pushing his hair back slowly, eyes never breaking contact with Doyoung’s. “I just-” Jaehyun sighs, hands pushing into his own pockets, head tilting back enough for his eyes to look up at the ceiling. “You’re such a unique skater. You have this energy,” Jaehyun sucks in a breath, letting it out with more words, “So cold but the way you skate is really beautiful. I wanted to get to know you.” 

“You didn’t have to fly to Korea and show up at my apartment at four in the morning to get to know me.” It comes out as a low mumble and Doyoung is positive that Jaehyun didn’t hear any of what he just said. 

But like this whole thing, Jaehyun has proved him wrong. “I did. I may not personally know you but I can tell that you wouldn’t be all that great at replying to my messages on social media.” Jaehyun lets out a laugh, dimples sinking into both cheeks. “And you never really seem that interested in talking to me at competitions so.” 

Doyoung parts his lips to say something, anything, to prove him wrong. But Jaehyun is so painfully right that he can’t. So right that Doyoung finds a laugh bubbling in the back of his throat. And he lets it go. A hand comes up to cover at his mouth to attempt to cover the fact that he’s laughing. 

“But I’m serious about helping you,” Jaehyun says, laughter still laced through his words. “I’ve had my fair share of victories and you deserve them too.” 

This time, the silence between them is welcomed because Doyoung’s cheeks are too hot and there’s a tickle in the back of his throat that makes him press his lips together tightly. 

 

 

 

 

“Merry Christmas!” 

Doyoung turns his head, eyes blinking at the boy standing in the doorway. Jungwoo laughs as he runs out of his room. Arms are wrapped around him and soon Lucas has Jungwoo in the air, pressing kisses along his jaw. Doyoung smiles at the pair, liking the way their greeting always seem to be the same, no matter how long they’ve gone without seeing each other. 

Sicheng is behind them, arms full of presents and pout on his lips. Doyoung laughs, walking quickly over to the boy. “Come on, move it love birds,” he says, sticking his tongue out as he pushes past the pair, hands grabbing as many presents out of Sicheng’s arms as he can. 

“Yeah it’s not like you guys didn’t see each other _last_ night.” 

“Lucas has to leave though!” Jungwoo whines, face burying against his boyfriend’s shoulder. “I’m not going to see him for a whole week and a half.” The last sentence can barely be heard from the way Jungwoo’s face is pressed into Lucas’s jacket. 

Right. Lucas was only here for a moment before he has to turn right back around and get on the subway towards the airport. He shouldn’t even be here. The boy is cutting it far too close for Doyoung’s comfort. Though to be fair, Doyoung likes to get to the airport _hours_ early. Just in case. But here Lucas is, only a little over an hour before his flight, lips pressed against Jungwoo’s. 

“Yeah and you know I can’t stay long either,” Sicheng says with a sigh. “I promised my family I would only be over for a little.” 

There’s a frown that begins to form on Doyoung’s lips. The frown is for several reasons. The main one being that somehow, he’s going to be all alone for Christmas. It was supposed to be Jungwoo and him. The two of them curled up on the couch watching movies all day and drinking hot chocolate. It’s what they planned. Then Jungwoo got a call from his parents, saying that they’re coming up for a few days. And naturally, Jungwoo made plans to see them. 

Doyoung’s parents had called too. Called asking if he was going to be coming over. If he could take a small break and enjoy the holiday. But just like every year, Doyoung declines, telling them he’s much too busy. Even if he knew that he would be alone, he still wouldn’t have made the trip. It sounds terrible, him not wanting to see his parents for Christmas. But Doyoung knows them. Knows how the holidays are. Much too wine and criticizing the way he’s too thin and the bruises over his skin. Things he’d rather not make an effort to come home to. 

Jungwoo’s eyes meet his. They’re soft, softer than they’ve been the last few days. Doyoung knows it has to do with him staying at Lucas’s house. Something he admitted to this morning when Doyoung was the one to watch him walk through the door at seven. His voice was quiet, eyes down and fingers playing the the strings of his hoodie. Doyoung had hoped that he was just being quiet because of the way Jaehyun was sleeping soundly on the couch. 

They haven’t talked about it. Only soft comments about Jaehyun since he’s been here. Jungwoo avoids him at all costs, which is odd for Jungwoo. He’s usually eager to speak with others. Even if he’s a bit shy at first, he always comes around quickly. It’s even odder that it’s because of Jaehyun. Someone that even Jungwoo would have hearts in his eyes for. Jungwoo loved to watch him skate, always begged Doyoung to stay and watch at competitions. He didn’t have the same distaste for the boy like Doyoung did, or thought he did. But just like most things when it came to Jungwoo, Doyoung didn’t ask questions. Didn’t pry. 

“Merry Christmas, Doyoung.” 

Jungwoo’s voice is soft. So soft. Just like it always is. Doyoung smiles gently, nodding slowly as he watches the way Jungwoo parts his lips to take small breaths. Their eyes are looking at one another. Jungwoo has his eyes staring at the ground while Doyoung has them staring at Jungwoo. 

“Are you spending it here?” Doyoung nods at the question, the other still not making eye contact with him. It’s only when he speaks again, does his head tilt up and they look at each other. “At least you have Jaehyun.” 

There’s an almost bitterness in his voice that makes Doyoung tilt his head, lips parting in confusion. Jaehyun wasn’t anywhere to be found. He had left quietly, soon after Jungwoo came home. He had given Doyoung a smile, whispering something that he couldn’t hear. Then with an oversized sweater, sweatpants, and large bag over his shoulder, Jaehyun left. 

“I,” Doyoung starts before he has to pause. Jungwoo’s looking at him, eyes sad and lips threatening to purse into a pout. “I wanted to spend it with you.” 

It comes out in a way that doesn’t sound like Doyoung. The words sound desperate almost, desperate for Jungwoo to stay instead of getting on the subway and riding an hour to see his parents. What’s worse is that it shouldn’t sound like that. But Jungwoo is comfort. That’s what he is and as much as Doyoung likes to spend his free time alone, Jungwoo is an exception. 

“I’m sorry,” he says, fingers running down his arm. “That came out wrong.” It did. Doyoung doesn’t mean it in the romantic way that his mouth made it come out as. Maybe he did, slightly. But he likes to convince himself that he’s long forgotten the crush on the boy. “We had plans, is all.” 

“I haven’t seen my parents properly in almost two years, Doyoung.” Jungwoo sighs. He reaches down, fingers wrapping around the bag that he’s set next to his feet. It gets put over his shoulder with ease, slipping onto his thin shoulders. 

“I didn’t-” Doyoung wants to continue but the door opening behind Jungwoo makes him stop. Jaehyun doesn’t look up, eyes watching the way he slips his shoes off. There’s earphones playing music loud enough that Doyoung can hear the soft beat. 

Then Jungwoo is gone. Jaehyun is staring at him instead. There’s a blush on his cheeks that Doyoung knows is from the cold. He can feel it radiating off of the other. There’s a smile on Jaehyun’s lips that Doyoung’s watched form. Watches them part and listens to the words that come out of his mouth. “Merry Christmas, Doyoung.” 

They end up on the couch. Jaehyun has a soju bottle between his fingers. Cheeks already red and eyes glossy from the two empty bottles on the table in front of them. Doyoung isn’t quite as bad. There’s only one empty one in front of him and his fingers have just opened the second on that he has in his hand. 

“Look!” Jaehyun gasps. His whole body flings itself to the TV. Doyoung grabs the coffee table, scared that the other is going to knock it over by the way he’s leaning across it. “That right there. You see that? The way your foot is pointed, that’s why you fell.” Jaehyun sighs, back hitting the couch as he lifts the bottle of soju up to his lips. One sip. Two sips, and then he speaks again. “If you had it tilted just a tiny bit more, you would have landed it perfectly.” 

It was Jaehyun’s suggestion, to watch their past performances. Or Doyoung’s past performances for that matter. And they’ve sat there analyzing each time he’s fallen. Each time his name isn’t in the top three on the overall scores. Doyoung’s watched them so many times. Too many times that he can even quote what the announcers say about him. 

“But how am I supposed to get it in that position from that angle?” He huffs, hand set the still full bottle down on the table and letting his arms cross over his chest. “See, this is exactly why I think the way that I do. Because if I don’t think about it exactly how it should be, I make mistakes like this.” 

“No,” Jaehyun says with a laugh. “That’s bullshit.” He turns to look at Doyoung, eyebrow raising and finger pointing at him. “You know it is. The other night when you skated without thinking, that was the best skate I’ve ever seen from you. Not to mention it was _my_ skate.” 

Doyoung presses his lips together. Not for the usual reason of keeping words from coming out. Instead, he’s keeping laughter from spilling from his lips. It doesn’t last long because Jaehyun is still staring at him with his eyebrow raised. Doyoung laughs, head leaning back and hand covering his mouth, a habit of his due to how big his mouth gets when he laughs. 

“Stop looking at me like that,” he breathes out, small laughs still escaping from his lips. 

Jaehyun starts laughing too, dimples sinking in quickly. “Like what?” This time, he raises both eyebrows and for some reason, Doyoung loses it. 

“Maybe you aren’t as cold as I thought you were,” Jaehyun says, sighing out another laugh. He tilts his head back, lips wrapped around the soju bottle. Doyoung watches the rest of the liquid wobble down until there’s nothing left. Jaehyun licks at his lips, hand reaching forward to set the bottle on the table. “You’re not the cold ice bunny everyone thinks you are.” 

“First of all,” Doyoung says with a scoff. “Don’t ever call me that again.” Doyoung can’t even get the whole sentence out without laughing. Especially not since Jaehyun is still a giggling mess. “Second of all,” Doyoung suck a breath through his teeth slowly before continuing. “You’re drunk so you’re not even going to remember any of this tomorrow and you’ll go back to thinking that I’m the cold, meany, skater that hates you.” 

Jaehyun stops laughing slowly and so does Doyoung. They both catch their breaths, throats clearing and shifting to a more comfortable position on the couch. Doyoung has his arms wrapped around his knees, chin leaning against the tops when Jaehyun finally speaks. “You hate me?” 

Doyoung parts his lips. He feels his brows furrow together and teeth press against his lip slowly. “No,” he says quietly, finger reaching out to pick at the string coming from the bottom of his sweatpants. “I don’t hate you.” Doyoung tilts his head, eyes flickering up to look at Jaehyun. “If I hated you, would I let you still be here?” 

Jaehyun doesn’t answer. But he doesn’t need to. The way the corners of his lips are curled up speaks for him. 

 

 

 

 

 

 

For once, Doyoung doesn’t wake up at four thirty. Instead, his phone reads past eight when he grabs it, holding it above his face. There’s only one notification and Doyoung quickly swipes it away, being a weather alert telling him it’s going to snow. He sighs, hands rubbing at his face slowly, eyes peeking through the gaps in his fingers at the ceiling. 

“Doyoung?” 

There’s a gentle knock on his door. Knuckle hitting hard enough to make the door creak open though. Jaehyun peeks his head in, eyes blinking at him slowly. Jaehyun’s hair looks like it’s just been brushed, it looks smooth and his bangs are hanging nicely on his forehead. Even though Doyoung can’t see all of him, he can tell that he’s gotten dressed. Wearing clothes that are meant to go out in. 

“I was going to go out and explore some,” he says, shoulder leaning against the door, hand holding onto the doorknob to keep the door from swinging away from him. “I could use the help getting around though.” 

Doyoung buries his face in his scarf as they walk. He’s dressed warmer than he wants to be, despite still being cold. A sweater would have been absolutely fine. But Jaehyun insisted on shoving Doyoung in one of the four winter jackets that he brought along with him. It’s far too big and stuffy and it makes Doyoung feel like a marshmallow. 

Jaehyun is the talkative one as he walks. He points to things he likes and runs over to the food stalls when he sees something that he wants to eat. Doyoung stands from afar, hands in his pocket and nose pressed into the scarf, which also happens to be Jaehyun’s. The boy doesn’t talk about anything in particular. He mentions that he’s been to Korea a few times before. Mostly for competitions. Never being able to walk around like he is now. Or at least, he never wanted to. 

“My mother is Korean,” Jaehyun says, teeth biting into a hotteok. He takes a breath through his teeth, humming in delight when he begins to chew. “So we would come every once in a while to visit my grandmother when I was younger.” Doyoung nods to himself, eyes blinking slowly at the way Jaehyun takes another bite, practically fitting the whole thing into his mouth. He doesn’t bother to swallow before talking, jaw still chewing. “But I was only five or six so I don’t remember anything.” Jaehyun pauses finger coming up to lick at it gently as he shoves the rest of the hotteok into his mouth. “Mm,” he says with a smile. “Can we get another one of these before we leave?” 

Doyoung nods, laughing quietly at the way Jaehyun’s cheeks have turned a bright pink from the cold. “Only if you buy this time.” 

Jaehyun does. He buys them both a hotteok and they find themselves on a bench. Doyoung has his scarf low enough for him to eat with ease. Though his chin dips into the soft fabric everytime he bites down. And after he’s finished, he blinks at the small flakes of crumbs that have fallen from his food. 

“This is nice,” Jaehyun says with a smile, eyes flickering over towards Doyoung. “Nice to do something other than skate.” The boy sighs, hand running through his hair as his legs stretch out. “All I do is practice, practice, practice,” he sighs, leaning his head back. “I sometimes forget what having a life actually feels like.” 

With a roll of his eyes, Doyoung presses his face into the scarf for the thousandth time since they’ve been out. “We’ve barely even done anything.” 

They haven’t. The only thing they’ve managed to do is get off the subway successfully, because Jaehyun insisted on trying to read the Korean, and eat hotteok. That was it. Oddly though, Doyoung was okay with it. He never was one to go run into every store that he saw something nice in. He wasn’t like Jungwoo or Sicheng who have to go into each store that they pass, even if it’s the same one again. Doyoung knows which shops he likes and those are the ones he wanders into. 

“Doyoung!” There’s a slap on his knee and it _hurts_. “Doyoung,” Jaehyun says again, hand squeezing around his knee. “Let’s go to Namsan.” 

Doyoung tilts his head, brows furrowing and his lips parting, nose scrunching up slowly. “Jaehyun-” 

“Please,” the boy says, eyes as big as can be. And Doyoung sighs because there’s sparkles in them and sparkles are his weakness. “I’ve never been and today is the perfect day to go.” 

Today is not the perfect day to go. It’s not for many reasons. One being that the holiday just ended and Doyoung is sure that plenty of families are going to go visit and it’s going to be crowded. Two, it’s cold, even for Doyoung. They didn’t bring heat packs and it’s going to take hours to see everything and even get up to the top. Doyoung looks at the other. Looks at how his lips are pursed into a pout and somehow, his cheeks have become even more pink. 

There’s about twenty people squished around Doyoung on the cable car. One being Jaehyun. Children, elderly, an annoying couple that’s trying to take pictures and keeps hitting Doyoung in the head with their phone, they were all surrounding him. It’s right now that Doyoung wishes he didn’t have the winter jacket on because he’s actually _hot_. Possibly the most annoying part is the way that Jaehyun keeps smiling at him. Face filled with excitement. And Doyoung likes to think that his cheeks are red from how warm he’s getting and not how he’s awkwardly pressed against Jaehyun. 

Doyoung would be lying to himself if he said the sight wasn’t beautiful. Even though the sky is gray, clouds ready to let the snow fall at any minute, it’s truly stunning. Doyoung’s only been a few times himself. Normally it’s during the spring or autumn. When the flowers are blooming or the leaves are changing color, painting the ground with colors during both times. He’s never ventured up during the winter, mostly because he’s too busy indoors. 

“Wow,” Jaehyun says as he lets out a breath. “This is beautiful.” He turns to look at Doyoung, smile wide enough for his teeth to show. “I’ve seen it in pictures and on a few dramas but this,” he pauses, eyes focusing back on the city below them. “This is incredible.” Jaehyun claps his hands quickly, pushing one in his pocket, fingers holding out his phone. “Oh, can you take a picture of me? I want to show it to my parents.” he tilts his head, before nodding again. “And Johnny. He’ll be jealous.” 

Jaehyun takes his time to get where he wants to be. Makes Doyoung follow him around like a small puppy as he picks the perfect view to have in his background. Once he finally gets settled, Doyoung holds his phone up in front of him. It takes longer than it should. Much longer. Doyoung’s finger hovers over the shutter. His eyes are staring at the way Jaehyun is smiling. It’s just as bright as before, as it’s been the whole day. Dimples are impossibly deep and the way his bangs flutter in the wind make Doyoung suck in a breath. 

“Did it come out good?” Jaehyun’s next to him, head pressed against Doyoung’s as he takes his phone back from the by. “Oh,” he says with a nod. “That’s wonderful. Let me take one of you now.” Doyoung nods, hand pushing into his pocket to grab his phone when Jaehyun grabs his wrist. “I’ll take it on mine.” Doyoung blinks, lips parting to speak but Jaehyun seems to know what he’s going to say since he answers the question himself. “I’ll send it to you.” 

Doyoung’s lips don’t shut when Jaehyun responds to his question that he never got to ask. Instead, he presses his face against the scarf as he walks over to where Jaehyun was standing only minutes ago. The wind is blowing and it makes Doyoung’s bangs tickle against his forehead. The feeling makes him shiver, eyes closing and fingers coming up to quickly rub at his forehead. Jaehyun shouts his name, hand waving at him. Doyoung sucks in a breath, hands pushing down the scarf so it doesn’t cover half of his features. 

“What’s your number,” Jaehyun asks, fingers busy tapping away at his phone when Doyoung walks back over to him. Doyoung tells him slowly, watching the way he adds him into his contacts. If Jaehyun was holding his phone just a little higher, Doyoung would have missed the bunny emoji he put next to his name. “Make sure to add me too,” Jaehyun says with a smile when Doyoung’s phone buzzes in his pocket. 

Jaehyun gets excited about many things, Doyoung realizes. Though, he can’t blame him. It’s his first time here and Doyoung is sure he’d be just as happy and eager to look around. And Jaehyun eats too. Buys popcorn when they get inside, fingers pushing several pieces at a time in at once. Doyoung finds himself digging his hand in the small bucket every once in a while as well. Though he stops once his fingers bump against Jaehyun’s too many times for comfort. 

They each have an ice cream cone in their hands next, despite it being terribly cold outside. This one was Doyoung’s idea. The wonderful flavor of strawberry on his tongue with each swipe of it, makes his hand freezing worth it. Jaehyun is sitting next to him. Right next to him. So close that their jackets are slightly squished together at the shoulder. Close enough that every time Jaehyun raises his hand to lick at his ice cream, the fabric makes a soft sound as it rubs together. 

“This is really nice.” Jaehyun says. His head is tilted, teeth biting down onto the cone. 

It is. It’s not as bad as Doyoung thought it would be. They’ve gotten used to the cold air now, legs not even shivering anymore as they sit. There’s even a bear keychain shoved in Doyoung’s pocket. One he doesn’t actually need but ended up grabbing it after seeing it in Jaehyun’s hand while they walked around the gift shop. 

“Thank you for this.” The words coming from the boy next to him are soft, they almost melt into the wind that makes both their hair flutter. “I know you’ve probably been here a thousand times but,” Jaehyun pauses, body leaning back against the bench they’re seated on. “It’s nice of you to come with me.” 

Doyoung nods, eyes blinking slowly as he continues to look at Jaehyun. Cheeks and nose are red and Doyoung knows that he looks the same. Jaehyun’s finished his ice cream, thin paper that was covering the cone is being folded between his fingers. Doyoung still has a little bit left but can’t find it in him to focus on anything other than Jaehyun. He’d be lying if he said he didn’t enjoy today. Not that he thinks that he could actually lie about it because Doyoung is a terrible liar. Can’t lie for the life of him. So he doesn’t. 

“I had fun,” he nods, lips twitching into a small smile as he leans back, shoulder meeting with Jaehyun’s again. “I haven’t been here in a while so it was nice.” 

Jaehyun smiles at him, so wide that his eyes are almost closed. “Oh,” he says, face turning into a more serious one. “Let’s take a picture together.” Jaehyun doesn’t even give Doyoung a chance to reply or say no. There’s a phone being held up from above. Jaehyun has his head leaned back and he peeks over to Doyoung. He gets the hint and leans his head back as well, eyes blinking quickly to try and see the phone being held above him. There’s a click and then one more before Jaehyun’s arm lowers. 

It’s not the best of pictures. The whole thing is slightly blurry, most likely from the way Jaehyun’s hand had been shaking from the cold. It’s not that great of a picture but Doyoung’s had his eyes on it since they snagged a pair of seats on the subway. Through the blurred presentation of their features, Doyoung can still feel his breath hitch and his fingers curl against his phone as he stares at Jaehyun. 

It almost makes him angry, almost. How seemingly perfect he is. There’s not a single flaw on his face, even when the focus isn’t clear. Skin is shining, invisible to getting dried out from the cold. Even the row of teeth that he displays is white, possibly whiter than the way the ice looks during competitions. Doyoung tears his eyes away from his phone to look at the boy next to him. Jaehyun has his eyes closed. Lips are pressed together softly, the smallest of gaps between them. His head is leaned back against the window, gently rocking along with the movement of the car. 

Doyoung doesn’t think it’s possible for someone to look as perfect as Jaehyun does. The picture that’s still up on his phone compared to the boy next to him, are nearly identical. It’s different from Doyoung, who looks painfully awkward in pictures. Not that he doesn’t look awkward in person, he does, it’s just that pictures always seem to capture it a bit more. Where as Jaehyun, the boy is handsome either way. Handsome in whatever way presents him. 

What makes him the most angry, is the way his heart speeds up when Jaehyun opens his eyes, head tilting to look at him. There’s the smallest, sleepiest, smile on his lips. One that looks slightly odd but it works for him. Doyoung presses his lips together, hoping that his eyes would listen to his mind that’s desperately telling him to look away. They don’t. 

 

 

 

 

 

“Okay, let’s try one more time.”

Doyoung nods, hand running through his hair slowly. His chest is rising and falling too fast but it’s become the normal. He doesn’t give himself any time to catch his breath before he’s circling the rink, body twisting backwards, ready for the string of jumps that come next. Doyoung’s eyes close right as he pushes himself off. There’s no counts in his head. No tapping his finger against his chest at the amount of rotations that he does. There’s no music playing in his mind to follow to. There’s nothing but the sound of his breathing and the gentle tap of his skate when it hits the ice. 

The same thing happens with the next jump. There’s only seconds between them and Doyoung doesn’t let his thoughts fall into it’s routine. Doesn’t let those precise calculations litter his mind and clog his concentration. So he lands the jump. And the next one. And Doyoung can’t help the smile that lights up his face as he slows down, hands rubbing at his face. 

“I can’t believe I just did that,” he says with a laugh, eyes smiling towards Jaehyun. “I literally can never land that combination. Ever.” 

Jaehyun moves towards him, legs taking long strides. Hands press against Doyoung’s shoulders, shaking them gently. “It’s cause you’re not overthinking everything. I told you it was your problem.” 

Apparently it had been. Something so stupid, something that seemed like it was necessary to do, had been the problem all along. Doyoung lets out a sigh, fingers tapping against his cheeks as he smiles. It’s taken time. Four days to be exact, for him to completely be able to let go. Though, Doyoung still finds himself falling back into his troublesome habit easily and he, and Jaehyun, constantly has to remind himself to stop. 

“I never thought thinking could be such an issue.” Doyoung says with a laugh, sighing as he lets his shoulders slump, landing in a comfortable position. “Thank you, Jaehyun.” 

The other’s face lights up and Doyoung doesn’t miss the way his cheeks become the slightest bit pinker. Doyoung taps his foot against the ice slowly, teeth biting down into his bottom lip before he parts them to take a breath, letting it out with a question. “Do you,” he pauses, eyes meeting with Jaehyun’s. “Wanna go get something to drink?” Doyoung blinks, hands coming up quickly as he shakes his head. “I mean, not alcohol or anything but maybe tea?” 

Jaehyun laughs, fingers running through his hair slowly. “That sounds nice,” he says “but I don’t drink tea.” 

Doyoung parts his lips, letting out a laugh before he bites down on his lip again, sucking it into his mouth and letting it slide out slowly. “Neither do I.” 

There’s a text from Jungwoo when he tugs his phone out from the bottom of his bag. It’s a simple sentence, nothing more, nothing less. _'I’m going to the restaurant then spending the night with Lucas.'_ Doyoung stares at the words, lips pressing together into a soft frown as he reads it over, and over again. 

Jungwoo’s been distant. Very distant. He’s the one leaving before the subway even starts running in the morning. The one that has his headphones in the entire time they train, avoiding Doyoung’s words at all cost. It would be a horrible lie to say that Doyoung doesn’t care. That he’s not concerned by Jungwoo’s actions. But Doyoung is a horrible liar so he lets himself admit that he’s affected by it. Especially from the way they haven’t actually spoken face to face since he’s been back from his parents. Jungwoo didn’t even tell Doyoung that he was home. He found out when he walked into the restaurant due to a text from Sicheng about those dumplings that he loves so much. 

There’s nothing that he’s done to make the other become cold, almost as cold as Doyoung himself. Jungwoo has never been like this. Never. Not in the ten years of knowing the boy, has he ever given him such treatment. The only thing that changed was Jaehyun coming. But that shouldn’t have made a difference. Jungwoo was doing much better now. Taeil focuses all his attention on him, allowing Jaehyun to be the one to coach Doyoung instead. Doyoung’s watched the way Jungwoo skates. It’s better. It’s got more emotion, more meaning behind each movement. Even without his whole routine down, the boy skates as if he’s at a competition, each time. 

Doyoung bites the inside of his cheek as he types quickly. Fingers hit the delete button, erasing everything he’s just typed. It goes on for three more times before Jaehyun’s feet are heard behind him. “Ready to go?” Doyoung turns to look at him, nodding with a gentle smile. Then all the words he wants to say, turn into a simple _‘okay.’_

Jaehyun drinks from a straw. Doyoung drinks with his lips pressed against a mug. There’s ice rattling around in the glass as Jaehyun pushes the straw in and out of the cup, for no obvious reason. Doyoung’s teeth grind against small sugar crystals that haven’t dissolved all the way that have slid from the bottom of the mug. They’re complete opposites and the look of Jaehyun’s iced coffee makes him furrow his brows. Coffee must be hot. All the time. Even in the summer when his skin is almost as hot as the coffee itself. 

“What do you usually do for the new year?” Jaehyun asks, mouth wrapped around his straw and voice muffled because of it. 

“Nothing,” Doyoung says quickly, hands wrapping around the mug, liking the warmth it makes. 

“Let’s go out,” Jaehyun smiles, nodding quickly. He picks his glass up, leaning his head back, mouth close to the rim as ice begins to slide out of the glass and into his mouth. One, two, three, loud crunches before Jaehyun continues, cheeking the ice but still chewing slowly. “Like go party or something.” 

Doyoung scrunches his nose up. It must be an American thing, to go out on New Years eve. Or maybe it’s just a Jaehyun thing. Or a custom for those who haven’t dedicated their life to absolutely nothing but ice skating. Doyoung doesn’t have time to spend at a club or a bar or anywhere other than his bed at midnight. “I don’t party,” he says quietly, taking a long sip from his drink. “Not my thing.” 

 

 

 

 

Doyoung doesn’t party. Hasn’t ever even stepped foot into a club before. Not even the bar at that fancy italian restaurant that just opened in Itaewon. The one Jungwoo raves about. Parties weren’t his scene. Too many people, too hot, too squished and the music is too aggressive for his liking. There’s always the thick smell of alcohol and cigarettes that make it hard to breathe. And Doyoung especially hates the clubs that use fog machines because it really should not be allowed. 

Doyoung doesn’t party but Jaehyun does. And that’s how he finds himself, leaning against the bar, bottle of soju in his hand as Jaehyun nods his head to the beat of possibly the loudest EDM song that Doyoung’s ever heard. It’s got sirens and beat drops that makes his stomach tingle, like he’s falling. The feeling is a combination from the music and the alcohol that he can feel go into his stomach, burning his throat on the way down. The bottle in his hand isn’t his first. It isn’t his second but his third. Doyoung doesn’t party but Jaehyun does and Jaehyun is _really_ good at convincing.

“Wanna dance,” Jaehyun asks, lips too close to Doyoung’s ear but he knows that it’s the only way he’s going to hear him. He waits for Doyoung to shake his head quickly before laughing and responding. “Come on. I know you can dance.” There’s a breath and Jaehyun lets it out against Doyoung’s ear, lips now pressing against his skin. “If you can skate, you can dance.” 

Jaehyun’s in front of him, directly in front. He’s not like the other people with their backs turned to him or feet accidently bumping into his as they move. Jaehyun’s in front of him. It’s not as close as they were when they rode the cable car up to Namsan but for some reason, it feels like it’s closer. The alcohol most likely has something to do with it. The alcohol and the people bumping into him that essentially make him bump into Jaehyun. 

It’s not as bad as he thought. Doyoung finds himself moving along to the beat. Body moving in fluid waves and gentle dips and turns. He doesn’t know what he’s doing, not by any means, but when the song changes, Doyoung finds his lips curling into a smile at the way Jaehyun’s face lights up. “I love this song!” He yells, lips close to Doyoung’s cheek, laughing tickling his cheek. “They play this all the time at the club by my house.” 

_All the time_ makes Doyoung wonder how much free time that Jaehyun allows himself. How many nights that he spends going out rather than staying on the ice. It can’t be that often. There’s no way that Jaehyun could go out that frequently and still maintain the skill level he has. Though the way Jaehyun is so comfortable, so into the way he’s dancing, thighs brushing against Doyoung’s, make it seem like he _does_ get out often. 

It’s hot. Too hot for Doyoung’s liking. While coffee must always be hot, Doyoung must always be cold. Perhaps it’s why he prefers the warmth of drinks. This is too hot for him though. So warm that there’s sweat beginning to slide down his face. If the lights were slightly brighter, he’s sure that the sheer from sweat on his chest would be glistening. Both of them are in one of their skating tops. Doyoung in a v-neck long sleeved one, small diamonds scattered around the black fabric that’s practically see through. Jaehyun’s is not as revealing. A v-neck but instead of sheer, there’s black velvet that Doyoung’s fingers have been twitching to touch ever since they left the house. 

They end up getting what they want. Doyoung’s hand wraps around Jaehyun’s arm, fingers pressing into the sleeves that he’s been eyeing. No one’s bumped into him. Nobody pushed against him and made him move closer to Jaehyun. He’s done it on his own. Half of the reason is to keep balance while the other half is for his own pleasure. Cheek immediately turn pink. So pink that Doyoung is sure that Jaehyun can see even in the dim lighting. 

“You okay,” he asks. There’s a gentle laugh but the tone of his voice is serious, letting Doyoung know that he’s asking out of concern. 

“Yeah.” Doyoung answers, this time it’s his lips that are close to Jaehyun’s. “I’m fine.” Fingers are still pressed against the velvet of Jaehyun’s shirt. They shouldn’t be there. Shouldn’t still be on his arm. But neither of them do anything to signal that it’s not welcomed. 

The cold air hits Doyoung’s cheek like getting punched in the face. It’s comforting though and he lets out a sigh of relief, head leaning back as he sucks in the deepest breath he’s been able to all night. Jaehyun laughs next to him, hand running through his hair slowly. Midnight hasn’t come yet. There’s still half an hour. It’s early for the holiday but late enough that the subway is closed and Doyoung finds himself taking slow strides down the sidewalk. 

Jaehyun is next to him, hands shoved in his pockets and shoulders scrunched from the temperature. Neither of them brought a jacket, for obvious reasons. They should have though, especially since they knew that they would have to walk home. Jaehyun suggested a cab. The comment was met with a scrunched nose and a quick head shake from Doyoung, muttering something about how the rates would be absolutely terrible. 

“You keep looking at me.” Jaehyun says quietly. Confidently though. It makes Doyoung part his lips, sucking in a breath as he does just what Jaehyun’s accused him of. There’s a smile on his lips, one that has his dimple showing and the chub of his cheeks being accentuated. 

He has been. The way Jaehyun looks as he walks. How his lips sometimes part when his body shivers, mouth letting out a gentle groan. The way the tip of his nose has become pink. The way his hand keeps coming up to rub at the bottom of said nose, sniffling against his sleeve. Doyoung doesn’t mean to keep looking. He really doesn’t. It’s just that Jaehyun, he’s got that stupid way of making everything around gravitate to him. And it seems finally, Doyoung’s gotten stuck in the pull. 

Doyoung blinks as the smallest white fleck falls between them. It takes its time, wavering back and forth before it’s too far down for him to see. There’s another one. Three more and then there’s too many to count. Jaehyun’s mouth parts, showing off his white teeth as he smiles. “It’s snowing.” 

For some reason, time seems to still. The only thing that keeps on going is the snow, now falling rather quickly. Snowflakes filling Doyoung’s vision and making the scene around them have a transparent white filter. Even through the filter, Jaehyun still has pink cheeks and a pink nose. Still has a smile as white as the snow that’s accumulating on the sidewalk under them. 

Jaehyun’s eyes meet with his. Doyoung takes a breath. One more when Jaehyun steps closer to him. It’s not as close as they were in the club. Not as close as they were on the way up to Namsan. However, it’s enough for Doyoung’s heart to skip a beat and his lips press together. Jaehyun’s movements are slow. They contrast with the quickness of the snow that falls between them. Though to reason behind Jaehyun’s movement towards him, happens faster. 

Fingers are pressed against his cheek. It’s so soft, barely even touching his cold, pink cheeks. The lips on his are pushing hard enough that Doyoung can feel them clearly. Jaehyun doesn’t move. He doesn’t step closer or cup his face any more. They stay like that, snowflakes falling onto their cheeks as they kiss. 

“It’s not midnight yet,” Doyoung whispers. His eyes are still closed. Their lips are brushing against each other, Doyoung’s moving along Jaehyun’s as he talks. 

Jaehyun takes a breath slowly, letting it out just as slow along with his words. “That’s not why I’m kissing you.” 

Instead of responding, Doyoung simply nods. Then there’s lips on his again. Jaehyun’s hand moves away from the softness of his cheek. It moves down until it lands on Doyoung’s hip, fingers curling against it. The same reason that Doyoung’s had his eyes on Jaehyun all night, he allows his arms to wrap around Jaehyun’s shoulders, fingers tapping against the back of his neck. For the same reason, he tilts his head, allowing Jaehyun to kiss him deeper. For that one, simple reason. Doyoung wants to. It’s odd. This whole thing is. So maybe the desire to keep Jaehyun’s lips on his, is okay. 

 

 

 

 

“I’ve never hated you,” Doyoung says quickly. His hands are busy pushing into Jaehyun’s hair. His head tilts, teeth biting down on his lip when Jaehyun presses kisses against his neck. “I think you’re one of the most wonderful people I’ve ever met.” It comes out as pants and Doyoung blinks slowly when Jaehyun pulls away, eyes meeting his. “I’ve never hated you,” he repeats, watching the way Jaehyun’s lips curl into a smile. 

They shouldn’t be like this. Jaehyun shouldn’t be hovering over Doyoung. They shouldn’t be on his bed, lights not even turned on, the only light coming from the one that’s outside his window, mounted on the side of the building. Doyoung’s hair is sprawled out on his pillow, fingers twisting against Jaehyun’s hair. Despite the heater in the room, the one that’s humming softly, Jaehyun’s cheeks are still pink and his touches along Doyoung’s side are still cold. The same cold hands push under Doyoung’s shirt, making him arch his back and his breath be sucked in through his teeth as a hiss. 

“I don’t believe you,” Jaehyun laughs out. “I don’t believe you one bit.” 

Lips meet again. It’s more desperate than it was before. More times their lips part only the slightest to be pushed together again quickly. Doyoung is the one that pushes his tongue past Jaehyun’s, successfully ending up in his mouth. His back arches when Jaehyun’s thumbs press against his nipples. They move slowly, circling them like his tongue twists around Doyoung’s. It’s gentle but it’s enough for Doyoung to pull his mouth away, letting out a breathy moan. 

“This is okay, yeah?” Jaehyun asks as he tugs off Doyoung’s shirt, tongue darting to lick at his lips, hands returning to the now bare chest under him. 

Doyoung thinks that maybe in the normal world, this would be rushed. Then again, one night stands and random hookups are a thing so perhaps not. It’s fast for him though. Fast for someone that showed up at his door not even a month ago. Doyoung wants to blame the alcohol in his system. Blame the way it makes his insides feel like they’re buzzing. But there’s truly nothing to blame this on. Nothing at all. He wants this. He doesn't know why. Doesn't have a proper reason. Maybe he doesn't need one.

“Yeah,” Doyoung nods, biting down on his lip. His hands wrap around Jaehyun’s forearms. They’re a nice size. Muscles clearly defined but not over done. They show hours of training. Possibly hours in a gym as well, considering Doyoung’s muscles aren’t as nice. “I um,” Doyoung feels his whole face turn red as he pauses, lips remaining parted. “I’ve never-” 

There’s a softness to Jaehyun’s expression as Doyoung struggles to get out what he needs to say. Thankfully, the other seems to get what he’s failing at admitting. The hands on his chest slide to the sides, fingers wrapping around his hips and thumbs brushing against the hills of the bones that stick out too far. “You’re a virgin?” 

Hearing the words out loud make Doyoung even more embarrassed. His hands go up, covering his face. Jaehyun’s said the question gently but it isn’t enough to calm Doyoung’s nerves or still his heart. He nods slowly, even though he’s more than positive that his sudden change in emotion has already given it away. 

The thought of sex was never really on his mind. Of course it’s been there before. Never enough for him to do anything about. Doyoung was lacking in all the fields of sexual encounters. The most he’s done with someone is land on Sicheng’s lap, lips locked and chest rising and falling quickly. It wasn’t intentional. They were drunk. Both of them desperate for something, anything at all. It didn’t get farther than that. Doyoung was the one to stop it. He was the one to pull away and whisper that he’s sorry. There was nothing truly wrong. Nothing that was forcing them to stop. The only thing that made him pull away was the guilt he felt in his mind. Sicheng had never been on his radar of someone to have sexual relations with. Nothing against the boy at all. Sicheng was a friend, a very good one, and that was all. 

There was a lack of self discovery for Doyoung as well. He could count the times his hand has wrapped around his cock at night in the last three years on one hand. Doyoung just had more important things to worry about. More important strokes to make. It’s not something that he thinks about. Each time has been a result of something that’s been filled with guilt driven movements. Times that make him feel disgusting afterwards. Times where he’s heard Jungwoo moaning through the thin walls of their apartment. Or the time his fingers wrapped around the doorknob on his bedroom door, barely pulling it open. It was enough to see the way Jungwoo had his head tilted back, naked body rolling against Lucas’s lap. 

But this right now was different. There was no negative feelings running through him. No thoughts of how maybe he shouldn’t do this. How he should just take a cold shower and move on with his day. Doyoung wants the way Jaehyun’s fingers squeeze at his hips. Wants the kisses that he’s been littered with since he pushed the door to his bedroom open with his back. Doyoung wants this. 

“It’s okay,” Jaehyun smiles down at him, dimples making Doyoung let out a breathy whine. “It’s really okay.” The boy leans down and those soft lips press against his again. For the thousandth time it seems like. “I’ll take care of you.” 

It’s odd, the way Doyoung nods his head with such comfort. This is something new. Something completely different and foreign. Doyoung doesn’t do things like this. He doesn’t end up in bed with someone he barely knows. He doesn’t let the boy who he’s had jealous feelings for unbutton his pants. This isn’t Doyoung. Doyoung is practical. Doyoung is responsible. Doyoung doesn’t just let people lay him down on his bed and make out with him. Doyoung does things in very particular ways and this is not one of those ways. Doyoung is-

“Overthinking,” Jaehyun whispers. His lips are pressed against Doyoung’s hip, eyes looking up at him. “You’re overthinking, Doyoung.” It comes out almost as a sigh. Jaehyun leans up, one hand pressing down into the blanket that they haven’t bothered to push off the bed. “Let me make you feel good.” 

Doyoung gasps when Jaehyun wraps his lips around his cock. It’s so incredibly warm but it sends a shiver up his spine as if it was ice cold. One hand reaches down, tangling in Jaehyun’s soft brown hair, the other coming up to be bitten down on. It’s better than Doyoung has ever felt before. Better than his hand, only being barely wet with his own spit. Better than the way his hips sometimes push against the bed in the middle of the night before they stop and he focuses on going back to sleep. Jaehyun could have absolutely no experience in the world. Could have never sucked a dick before in his life and Doyoung wouldn’t care. Wouldn’t even know with the way he’s making him arch his back, hips shakily thrusting up into his mouth. 

A pop is what comes from Jaehyun’s mouth when he pulls away. His lips are slightly swollen, spit making them shine and Doyoung watches the way some slides down from the corner. It makes him bite down on his own lip, letting a whimper at the sight. Jaehyun lets out a laugh, back of his hand wiping at his mouth. With that same hand, fingers push into his mouth. It’s quick and sloppy and Doyoung’s breath hitches at the amount of spit that Jaehyun allows to get on his fingers.

He’s thankful for that embarrassing amount of spit that Jaehyun let run down his fingers. There’s two of them pushed into him. It stings, the stretch making Doyoung’s body twist in slight discomfort. Jaehyun is slow. Slow and patient with stretching him. There’s whispers every now and then, asking if he’s okay. Asking if he wants to stop or if he needs a break. Doyoung whispers right back, answering with an _it’s okay, yes,_ and _no keep going_. Jaehyun’s face is contorted into concentration as he thrusts his fingers. The boy can tell when Doyoung begins to relax, lets his fingers curl up, spreading in the slightest way. 

It’s when Doyoung whimpers out a _please_ , that Jaehyun pulls his fingers out. Again, the same hand wraps around his own cock, pumping it slowly. Doyoung tilts his head, cheek pressing against his pillow as he watches. Doyoung is positive that his face turns into something rather unattractive when Jaehyun pushes in him. There’s so many things that he feels. Pain, pleasure, odd, excited. He lets out a breath when Jaehyun stops moving, hips flush with his. 

The pace is slow. If he was anyone else, it would be painfully so. But the way Jaehyun takes his time, pulling almost all the way out only to push back in at the same gentle pace, is enough for Doyoung. His whole face is red. Even his neck and down to his chest. Doyoung doesn’t think he’s ever been this hot before. The scorching heat in the summer was nothing compared to the way his skin feels as if it’s on fire. 

A gasp comes from Doyoung. One that turns into a drawn out moan when Jaehyun tilts his hips slightly. “Oh god,” he breathes out, fingers curling against the blanket. There’s pleasure running through him. So much pleasure. More than he’s ever gotten before. More than he got from Jaehyun sucking his cock. _“Jaehyun._ ” It comes out far more desperate than Doyoung wants. But Doyoung is a terrible liar, apparently during sex is no exception. 

Jaehyun lets out a laugh. His body leans forward, enough for his forehead to press against Doyoung’s. Hands push his knees against his chest, eyes never breaking contact while he begins to thrust faster. It’s still that same angle and it’s enough to have Doyoung break their identical gaze. His eyes roll back, hands reaching up to grip at Jaehyun’s arms. He doesn’t even need to hold Doyoung’s legs against his chest anymore. Instead, he lets his own chest hold them in place, hands curled into fists, pushing into the bed. 

Doyoung cums first. It makes his whole body shake, thighs especially. It makes him clench around Jaehyun, earning a deep, breathy moan from the boy along with a string of curse words. Doyoung doesn’t even feel Jaehyun finish in him. He’s too blissed out, too amazed at the orgasm that he’s had. The feeling is by far the best he’s ever experienced. It gives him the same rush as he gets when he hears the music stop after a performance, the crowds cheers filling the space around him. The feeling is similar to that, only so much better. Doyoung feels stupid for thinking it. Thinking that sex is better than anything he’s felt before. But it’s true. There’s a weight that’s been lifted off of him. One that he’s sure can only come from the orgasm he’s had. 

Jaehyun runs his hand through his hair, shoulder bumping against Doyoung’s as he lays down next to him, body falling heavy against the bed. There’s not much room, the twin size being barely enough to fit the both of them. It’s enough for Doyoung and he’s never thought of anyone sharing the space with him. 

“I don’t hate you,” Doyoung breathes out. His voice is shaky and he doesn’t bother to turn his head to meet the look at the knows Jaehyun’s giving him. “I’m only jealous.” Doyoung pauses, waiting for Jaehyun to respond. He doesn’t. The tilt of his head is gone and Doyoung sucks in a breath. “I want to _be_ you. I want the same confidence. I want the same way you can make everyone fall for you.” 

Jaehyun takes an audible breath. One loud enough that Doyoung is sure that he’s going to respond. He doesn’t though. They lay in silence. It should be awkward. Should be even more awkward when he hears the voice of the lock. Then the door open and close. He can hear the thump of Jungwoo’s bag on the floor, right against the closet wall like it always is. Doyoung bites at his lip, eyes closing when he hears Jungwoo walk past his room. The door isn’t shut all the way. It’s enough where there wouldn’t be anything to be seen unless you stopped and looked. The footsteps never stop and all that can be heard is the shower being turned on and then the bathroom door closing, lock clicking quietly. 

“Have I made you fall for me yet?” 

Doyoung swallows before he lets his lips part. Jaehyun’s head still doesn’t tilt but Doyoung’s does. Eyes blink slowly at the way Jaehyun’s got his eyes closed, lashes resting nicely on the tops of his cheeks. It only takes a moment for him to respond, much faster than it should. “I think so.” It happens so fast. The words that come out of his mouth. The way Jaehyun’s idle lips curl into the smallest of smiles. Everything happens quickly. The way his cheeks turn red. The way his lips part and he takes the deepest breath of his life. The way the realization hits him. “Yeah,” he breathes out, voice barely there and shaky. “You have.” 

 

 

 

 

Doyoung is half awake when he hears his door open. His eyes flicker open just enough to see the shadow of Jungwoo, side of his body illuminated from the hallway light behind him. Doyoung sits up. His shoulder bumps into Jaehyun, the boy lying on his side next to him, body halfway off the bed. It’s when the cool air hits his shoulders that Doyoung remembers he doesn’t have a shirt on. When he sees the way Jungwoo’s face drops and Doyoung tugs the blanket off, he remembers he doesn’t have any underwear on either. 

The door shuts before Doyoung can pull a pair of underwear on that he doesn’t think is his. In fact he knows they’re not by the way they’re loose around his hips. Sweatpants are tugged on quickly and a hoodie that’s been thrown next to the hamper comes next. Doyoung’s hand pulls the door open, shutting it quietly, attempting not to wake Jaehyun up. 

Jungwoo has his hands in the bag by the door. He’s got his jacket on and his sneakers are slipped on already. Doyoung watches the way Jungwoo doesn’t even look over at him. Not even when Doyoung walks over to him, standing above him. “Jungwoo-” 

“I’m gonna be late.” Jungwoo says, voice low and eyes narrowed at his bag. His hands are gripping the straps, knuckles turning white slowly. 

It’s a lie. Doyoung knows it is. Jungwoo is never late. Never allows himself to run late. Doyoung knows that Jungwoo came into his room to wake him up. Something that hasn’t happened in days. He sucks in a breath when Jungwoo stands up, bag nearly hitting Doyoung as the other swings it over his shoulders.

“Jungwoo it’s not even five yet.” 

The other looks at him. Eyes filled with sadness. Even the way his teeth bite down on his bottom lip is radiating the same emotion. He takes a breath, one that moves his whole torso. Lips press together and then part slowly, allowing words to come from his mouth. “You’re sleeping with him now?” 

Doyoung’s brows furrow and his cheeks puff out slightly. Fingers thread through his hair, pushing it to one side and letting it fall back into place slowly. He doesn’t know what to say. Doesn’t know if he should even respond. It didn’t matter. It shouldn’t matter to Jungwoo at all. Doyoung wasn’t his. Jungwoo had Lucas, someone he was very much in love with. So why was Jungwoo looking at him with teary eyes and short words. “It’s the first time,” Doyoung says quietly. He wants to say more but he keeps his mouth shut, waiting to see what Jungwoo has to say. 

The boy doesn’t say anything though. Instead he nods, eyes moving down to look at his hand that’s still gripping the strap of his bag. Doyoung grabs his arm when Jungwoo turns around, hand reaching out for the doorknob. Jungwoo tilts his head, just enough to make eye contact with Doyoung. “Why does it matter?” It comes out firmer than he wants it to. Though, maybe it is what he wants. “Why do you care who I sleep with?” Doyoung says it like he’s slept with more people than just Jaehyun. Makes it seem like he’s actually had some kind of relationship other than simply friends. 

Jungwoo tenses. His arm pulls away from Doyoung. The bag on his shoulders is adjusted, tugging it closer to him, fingers pulling at the strings to make it rise along his back. He takes his time responding, lips remaining parted and Doyoung can practically feel the words he has on the tip of his tongue. “I don’t,” it’s not the answer he actually wants to say. Jungwoo’s blatantly obvious about it. It only takes a moment before the other admits that he’s not satisfied with the response. “I do, actually.” Doyoung feels his lips curl down into a frown at the way Jungwoo says it, like there’s a tickle in his throat that’s making it hard for him to speak. “Doyoung, I do care.” 

“Why,” Doyoung responds, quicker than it took Jungwoo to say his last confession. “Why do you _care_ , Jungwoo?” 

It seems to flick a switch in Jungwoo. The boy stomps his foot against the ground, head tilting back and click coming from his tongue. Doyoung watches the way his face contorts into frustration as he looks at him. “Because this is supposed to be about _us_.” Doyoung frowns, opening his mouth to respond but Jungwoo cuts him off. “I’ve barely even seen you. I feel like I haven’t talked to you in days.” 

“That’s because,” Doyoung takes a breath, hesitating whether or not he should say all the things on his mind. He lets them go, lets them out with a sigh. “Jungwoo that’s because you’ve been ignoring me. You’ve been over at Lucas’s house practically every night. You don’t even like to sleep there. You told me a thousand times.” Doyoung rubs his face, letting out a groan as he pushes his palms against his cheeks. “You’re the reason why we haven’t talked. You haven’t even tried.” 

The switch gets flicked on even further and Jungwoo scoffs. His lips part and he’s shaking his head. “Are you _kidding_ me? Doyoung, you’ve done absolutely nothing but be with Jaehyun since he’s gotten here. _He’s_ the problem.” 

“Why the fuck do you , Jungwoo?” His voice is louder than he wants it to be. He can tell it’s loud because of the way Jungwoo’s eyes widen and he takes a shaky step backwards. “Why do you care so much about Jaehyun being here? You’ve literally never had a problem with him before. You’re the one always wanting to go watch him when he skates. You’re always the one to go and greet him at competitions. So why does it matter that he’s here?” 

“Because he’s taking you away from me!” 

They both stare at each other. Doyoung presses his lips together tightly, swallowing thickly at the way Jungwoo’s practically screamed at him. Jungwoo is not an angry person, not by any means. There’s only been a handful of times that he’s seen the boy get mad. Even then, it usually ends up with a loss of words rather than yelling. Doyoung lets his eyes lower. Let’s them focus on the way his knee is gently bouncing, foot tapping against the ground. 

“Skating has always been our thing,” Jungwoo says quietly. It’s a whisper, drastically different from a moment ago. “It’s always just been you and I.” Suddenly, Doyoung understands what’s going on. Understands why Jungwoo is looking at him with tear filled eyes and a quivering lip. He sucks in a breath shakily, so shakily that it makes him whimper. “I don’t want that to be taken away.” 

Doyoung really should say something. Really should. He just doesn’t know what. Well, he knows what. He knows he should tell Jungwoo that he’s not going anywhere. Tell him that Jaehyun isn’t taking him away. He’s still there to skate with Jungwoo. He is. Even if he physically isn’t. Jungwoo was right though. It’s always been them. From the time Doyoung was little, Jungwoo’s always been by his side. Jungwoo was his first crush. His first roommate. The first person he stood on the podium with, smiling happily as their country’s anthem played loudly through the stadium. Doyong really should tell Jungwoo that he understands his frustration. He does. He had the same thoughts when Lucas came into the picture. Jungwoo spent less and less time after practice with him at home. More time out with Lucas. He knows how it feels, though he’s positive that Jungwoo’s words aren’t laced with romantic frustrations. 

Jungwoo shakes his head, fingers wiping at his eyes. “Forget it,” he says quickly. There’s nothing more. The only sound between them is the door clicking shut and the soft hum of the heater. 

Jaehyun is warm. Too warm for Doyoung. Though, he finds himself curling into the boy’s arms. Finds himself pressing his face against his chest, head almost hidden under the blanket. Jaehyun’s arms tighten around him and there’s the softest of kisses placed on his forehead. One that he can barely feel through his bangs. “What time is it,” Jaehyun asks, voice laced with sleep. 

Doyoung sucks in a breath, letting it out with his response, face tilting to make sure his words aren’t muffled. “It doesn’t matter.” Doyoung’s fingers curl against the curve of Jaehyun’s back. It makes the other shiver, letting out a gentle laugh. “I don’t feel like going today.” 

 

 

 

 

Brown eyes watch the way the ice is shaking in the glass. It slides up and down with each shake, eventually sliding out into Jaehyun’s mouth. One crunch, two, three, before Doyoung stops listening. Though he finds himself tuning in again at the loud sound of Jaehyun eating his ice because there’s hardly anyone in the cafe. It’s quiet. Surprisingly so for seven in the morning. 

They had taken their time getting out of bed, something Doyoung isn’t accustomed to. To be fair, he wasn’t accustomed to anything this morning. Not the way Jungwoo looked at him, tears in his eyes and words being spat out of his mouth. Wasn’t used to curling up in someone’s arms in his own bed. The smell of Jaehyun, the way he ran his fingers through Doyoung’s hair, playing with it for what seemed like forever. He wasn’t used to the way he pressed his lips to Jaehyun’s, resulting in a feverish succession of more. Or the way he ended up on Jaehyun’s lap, legs shaking and whimpers falling from his lips. And Doyoung was absolutely not used to the way his heart felt like it was going to explode from the way Jaehyun looked at him from beneath him. The biggest smile on his lips and the brightest blush. Doyoung wasn’t used to the way he looked the same way back at Jaehyun either. 

“Doyoung.” He blinks, realizing that he’s been staring at the straw wrapper for the last several minutes. Jaehyun lets out a laugh, fingers reaching forward to run along Doyoung’s bangs. “Did you hear what I said?” 

“No,” he says, puffing his cheeks out slightly. He didn’t. Too busy overthinking. Too busy returning to old habits. “Sorry?” 

Jaehyun smiles, hand pulling away to wrap around the glass in front of him. It’s only filled with ice and Doyoung scrunches his nose up from the way Jaehyun lets more cubes fall into his mouth. At least he finishes chewing before talking “I said,” he clears his throat, licking at his lips quickly. “I know you don’t want to practice but we should. I’ve been thinking of some changes to your skate. I wanna see how they’ll work.” 

Music plays in his ears loud. It’s not loud enough to block out Jaehyun’s voice though. The boy is talking to him quickly, whole arms moving as he skates along side Doyoung. He’s counting, both with his voice and with his hands. Jaehyun gives signals, gives easy ones for Doyoung to be able to see out of the corner of his eye. 

It goes on like that for hours. Much longer than they intended. Doyoung thinks it has something to do with how Jaehyun speaks. How he demonstrates every move that he talks about. How his movements are so graceful, even with things he barely knows himself. Jaehyun doesn’t need three or four tries to land jumps. He gets them on the first go and he makes it look easy. Which in turn, makes it easy for Doyoung to follow. Even if he ends up on his side the first several times. Jaehyun is there with a smile, arm extended to help him up. 

Jaehyun is a wonderful teacher. Perhaps Doyoung has become bias. Jaehyun isn’t doing anything particularly special. The right words aren’t always there. They sometimes come out in stutters and he knows it’s because of the language barrier. Which Jaehyun’s explained about a hundred times since he’s arrived. _‘I can understand Korean enough, talking isn’t my strong suit but I can listen, understand everything you say.’_ And how could he forget all the times that Jaehyun’s shyly admitted to not being good at reading the characters. So Jaehyun uses English a lot. Mostly with terms that don’t particularly have a Korean name to begin with. And when his brows furrow in frustration, Doyoung does his best to help with the small amount of English he knows. 

The most interesting part about how he coaches, is the way his hands move Doyoung into the position that he needs to be. He’ll grab his arm, angling it along with his leg. Doyoung always feels his cheeks heat up at the way Jaehyun presses against him. For a moment, he wonders if this is how Jaehyun was while coaching Johnny. Surely he must have been. But the way Jaehyun shly looks at him when Doyoung tilts his head for their eyes to meet, makes him think otherwise. 

“I don’t mean to boast but,” Jaehyun smiles, hands landing on his hips as he skates towards Doyoung, slightly out of breath and sweat sliding down his forehead. “I’m doing a good job at coaching you. You’ve made a lot of improvement.” 

The words make Doyoung’s lips curl into a smile. One so wide that his teeth show and he knows his gums do too. He smiles so wide because he can feel the changes. It’s nothing big. Nothing drastic. Simple things that almost seem like they should have been done from the beginning. No more thinking about every movement. No more tightening his thigh muscles while jumping. No more curling his fingers tightly into his palm, making his nails dig into his skin. Doyoung was relaxing. He was letting the emotion of the song, the lyrics, the piano, everything, push his movements. He was letting his mind free and allowing his body to do what it’s been doing for years. 

The same relaxation, has allowed his heart and mind to let Jaehyun in. There were no more cold shoulders. No more mumbled words that got lost into the air. No more running away. No more feelings of jealousy and resentment towards Jaehyun. Instead of leaving quickly when the boy came into focus, Doyoung finds himself staying. Finds himself with his arms wrapped around Jaehyun’s shoulders, pulling him down enough for their lips to meet. And finally, Doyoung finds himself admitting that he’s fallen for Jaehyun. 

 

 

 

 

“I have to go back to America,” Jaehyun says, breath hitching and frown forming on his lips. 

Doyoung’s brows furrow. His lips part and he feels his stomach drop to his feet. “What?” 

“I have to go back to America.” Jaehyun repeats it, only this time it’s quieter. If they weren’t lying in bed, nothing but the hum of the heater filling the room, he wouldn’t have heard it. If they were anywhere else, even the living room where the TV is still playing the movie they left in the middle of, he wouldn’t have heard it. “I have to go back to America.” It’s said this time with their eyes meeting, Jaehyun’s hooded with sadness. 

“Why,” Doyoung asks. He turns on his side, shoulder pressing into the bed and his ankles hitting against the wall. “What do you have to go back for?” 

“I never exactly told my coach that I was coming here.” Jaehyun lets out a small laugh but it’s stopped when his teeth bite down into his bottom lip. He stays that way just until Doyoung’s brows furrow in confusion. “Well, he knew I was coming to Korea. I couldn’t lie about that. But he thought I was visiting family for the break. Not to become your coach. And my break is technically over, way past being over technically.” 

“But the news articles said-” 

“I told them that,” he says quickly, tongue darting out to lick at his lips. Jaehyun turns on his side, legs bumping into Doyoung’s as he gets comfortable. “My coach hates reading the news. I swear the entire country could be going up in flames and he wouldn’t know.” The statement ends with a roll of his eyes. “And if he does read the news, it’ll be those stupid articles about how low carb diets are bad for you or something. Nothing that’s truly relevant.” 

Doyoung finds his hand reaching to grab Jaehyun’s. Fingers push between the spaces of his and their hand rests on the bed, laying still on the soft blanket between them. “So he found out?” 

Jaehyun sighs, fingers curling against Doyoung’s. “Yeah. I had asked Johnny to cover me, give him fake updates so I wouldn’t give away what I was doing. But,” he pauses, lips pursing out into a pout before continuing. “Johnny can only do so much and I’m supposed to be the one training him, technically.” 

There’s an odd feeling in Doyoung’s chest. One that’s hugging his heart. There’s words that come out his mouth quickly, too fast for him. Too fast for him to even realize what he’s saying. “I thought you were _my_ coach now.” Doyoung swallows, cheeks turning a bright red at the sentence that’s come from his lips. “I’m sorry,” he says just as quickly, silently hoping that maybe Jaehyun didn’t hear what he said. “Sorry that was-” 

“It’s okay,” Jaehyun says with a sigh. It’s soft and the way he looks at him is just as soft. “I told you that was my reasoning for coming here.” 

There’s a lack of words between them. Doyoung’s certain it’s because neither of them know what to say. All they give each other is gentle squeezes, hands pressing together as much as they can. Doyoung knows he didn’t mean to say what he did. At least, didn’t mean to say it the way he did. Like he was entitled to Jaehyun. By no means was he. Doyoung didn’t even want Jaehyun here. Didn’t want him at all. He hated the way that he simply showed up at his door, randomly and without announcement. Though he knows even if Jaehyun had said something, Doyoung would have either ignored him or not believed what he said. Doyoung didn’t want to have him train him. He was fine by himself. Fine to make his own mistakes and learn from them. In absolutely no way did Doyoung expect to have his hand with Jaehyun’s, lying in his bedroom at one in the morning. 

“I told you that was my reasoning and it was,” Jaehyun says after some time. “It was, honestly.” He pauses, letting his cheek press against the pillow, bangs sliding across his forehead, exposing the soft skin beneath them. “I didn’t expect it to become something else.” Doyoung doesn’t need an explanation. He doesn’t need Jaehyun to say anything else. He doesn’t need clarification because he understands. Knows exactly what he’s saying. Jaehyun continues anyway. “I never thought I would fall for you.” 

And Doyoung can’t help but agree. He nods his head, feeling his heart flutter at the way Jaehyun’s thumb is brushing against his hand. Doyoung hasn’t allowed himself to indulge in anything but skating. Not for ten whole years. It’s always been skating. Long days and early mornings. Dark circles that have left permanent marks from the lack of sleep. The same warm instant coffee that’s finished by the time he gets to the rink, hand throwing the cup in the trash as the lights come on. The same thing, every single day. 

Sometimes he’ll end up at the restaurant, laugh filling the table as he sits with his friends. Lucas will have Jungwoo wrapped around him. Sicheng busy on his phone, reading the same article about that Japanese skater that he’s had up the entire time. Other times he’s on the couch, legs curled up and cheek rested on the fabric as he listens to Jungwoo make commentary on the movie they put on. It’s always the same though. It’s a routine. A routine that he’s come to live by. 

Doyoung realizes that it’s the reason why he pushed Jaehyun away. The reason why he let his cold front ice over in front of the boy. Jaehyun isn’t part of his life. Never has been. He doesn’t come with him on the train at five in the morning. Doesn’t help him up when he slams into the ice three times in a row. Jaehyun isn’t brushing his teeth while Doyoung is showering. He’s never been there. And it makes Doyoung’s heart flutter at the thought that Jaehyun is different. 

Jaehyun is new. Jaehyun is lively and fun. An eager boy that has the same dreams as him. Doyoung knows that Jaehyun most likely has his own routine. Wonders what it’s like. He could wake up at seven instead of five. Knows he drinks iced coffee instead of hot. Instead of Jungwoo greeting him, it’s most likely Johnny. Wonders if he eats first or showers after he gets home. If he lays in bed, phone hovering above him with nothing but the light from the screen in his room. Doyoung thinks it doesn’t matter. Their routines may be different, but their goal is the same. 

A heaviness falls over him and so does a frown. Doyoung lets his eyes close. All the reasons he’s fallen for Jaehyun, are the ones he fell for Jungwoo those years ago. The realization makes him scared. Makes his toes curl up and his knees bend slightly until they’re pressed uncomfortably against Jaehyun. Though, Jungwoo’s never told him the words that have come out of Jaehyun’s mouth. 

“I’m scared,” Doyoung admits, voice shaky from a breath. He doesn’t open his eyes, doesn’t want to look at the way Jaehyun is probably letting his face contort into confusion. Instead, he continues with his eyes squeezed shut. “I’ve never-” It’s a repeat of before. When he was lying under Jaehyun, lips swollen with slick with spit. It may not be the same situation, but the words mean the same. 

“It’s okay,” is what comes from Jaehyun. There’s fingers on Doyoung’s cheek, making him open his eyes. “It’s been a while for me. So I’m,” he laughs softly, blush on his cheeks. “I’m nervous.” Doyoung feels his shoulders lower, tension leaving them from the confession that Jaehyun’s said. “We don’t have to be anything,” he says and those fingers curl around his jaw, just under his ear. “We don’t have to have a title or make it public. We can just be this, be us.”

Doyoung nods, lips curling into a small smile. “I like that,” he says, shifting closer towards Jaehyun. Close enough where he can drape his arm over his side, fingers touching the blanket on the other side. “I like you. I like this. I like _us_. What this has become.” 

Their lips meet. They meet once softly and the second time, it’s with more meaning. Doyoung finds himself under Jaehyun. Not completely, the boy held up on his elbow, hand pushed in Doyoung’s hair as their mouths move together. They stay like that until Doyoung’s at a loss for air. He pulls away with a sigh, having his cheek peppered with kisses instead. “I leave tomorrow,” Jaehyun says quietly, lips still against Doyoung’s skin. “Well, today if you wanna get technical.” 

For once, Doyoung finds a sour taste in his mouth at the word technical.

 

 

 

 

 

Jaehyun has left by the time Doyoung gets on the subway. It isn’t the five fifteen one. Instead, it’s the seven thirty one. It’s much different from what he’s used to. There’s far more people and Doyoung finds himself being squished between two businessmen, both busy on their phones and their briefcases are taking turns hitting Doyoung’s legs. Even with his headphones in, the sounds of teenagers shouting and children whining are making his head spin. 

The beginning two weeks of January is the coldest. At least, that’s what Doyoung’s come to realize. There’s a warm jacket wrapped around him. One that’s slightly too big. One that smells like cinnamon and the iced coffee that dripped on it recently. It doesn’t keep him warm enough, his hands are still slightly numb in the pockets. But then again, Doyoung’s never been fond of being warm so he doesn’t mind. 

There’s already two figures on the ice when Doyoung walks in. There’s music playing through the speaker balanced on the barrier. He takes his time putting his skates on. Much longer than he needs to. And when he finally walks towards the rink, fingers running through his hair, Doyoung thinks about turning back around and going home. It’s the first time he’s ever had that thought. Technically not the very first time, but the first time his chest has been swollen with anxiety. It wasn’t before a performance. Wasn’t before an interview or TV appearance. It was just Jungwoo. That’s all the was in front of him. 

Taeil is the one to come to him first. He steps off the ice, letting out a breath as he stops in front of Doyoung. “Jaehyun told me he had to leave. Is everything okay?” 

Doyoung nods slowly, lips parting even slower. “Yeah. Everything’s fine.” Defining ‘fine’ was something that Doyoung was unsure how to do. Jaehyun wasn’t in any immediate danger. None of his family was ill or on their last breaths. He was fine. At least without taking emotions into account. Because the way Jaehyun kissed him before he left. The way he wrapped his arms around him, pulling him flush against his chest. How he whispered that he’d miss him, over and over, and over again until Doyoung whined at him and told him to stop. It all told him that Jaehyun wasn’t happy leaving. Wasn’t fine with leaving. 

“It’s been weird without you,” Taeil says quietly. “I’m glad Jaehyun’s helped you improve though. I hope you’re okay with me coaching you again.” There’s a laugh and Doyoung lets out a breath, nodding as he presses his lips together in a smile. “I’m going out to get breakfast, do you want something?” Doyoung shakes his head and Taeil simply nods back. He watches the way the other walks over to the bench, sitting down slowly, fingers making quick work of the laces. 

The music is still playing when Doyoung turns back to look at Jungwoo. It only plays for another second or two before Jungwoo moves over to it, fingers tapping quickly at his phone. The same fingers run through his hair, cheeks puffing out slightly. 

“Hey,” Doyoung says quietly, fingers curling at the pockets on his sweatpants. 

Jungwoo looks up at him. Takes his time doing it and there’s a frown on his lips when he does. He takes a breath and lets it out before he responds. “Hey.” Doyoung doesn’t know what to say. Doesn’t have any clue. It’s never been awkward like this with Jungwoo. Never. Even when they first met, they both greeted each other cheerfully. But this Jungwoo in front of him, was different. There was no smile. No white teeth staring at him or hands clapping together. This Jungwoo still had the sour taste of their argument on his tongue. “I heard Jaehyun left.” Jungwoo is back to having his eyes away from Doyoung’s. They’re focused on his phone, finger scrolling down his playlist. “That why you finally wanna come talk to me?” 

There’s a sigh that comes from Doyoung’s mouth. He’s tired. Not only physically but mentally from this feeling that surrounds their conversations. Exhausted from the way Jungwoo is taking this. “Jungwoo, please. That’s not it and you know it.” He doesn’t want to fight. Doesn’t want to argue anymore. 

The boy shifts his weight to one leg, hip leaning against the half wall in front of him. Doyoung watches the way he bites into his lip, letting it go moments later. Their eyes meet, brown to brown but he knows Jungwoo’s are filled with more sadness than his own. “It feels like it.” His voice is shaky and for a moment, Doyoung fears that Jungwoo is going to cry. Though when he speaks again, his voice is more stable. “Doyoung, ever since Jaehyun came, you’ve barely even been around. I feel like I haven’t seen you at all. You’re always here when I’m not. Always in your room when I come home. Or out on our day off.” Jungwoo only pauses to take a quiet breath. “You haven’t even been to the restaurant lately. I tell them that you’re busy. You are but,” Jungwoo frowns, lips pursing into a pout. “Not with what they think.” 

“Jungwoo-” 

“I miss you Doyoung.” Jungwoo says quickly, letting out a sigh. “It’s,” he frowns, cheeks puffing out and even from where Doyoung is standing, he can see the tears that begin to from in the corners of Jungwoo’s eyes. “It’s not the same, skating without you.” It takes several seconds before he speaks again. Takes almost too long and Doyoung had thought that the boy wasn’t going to say anything else. “I’m sorry,” he says, eyes blinking quickly as he frowns. “I know I’m being dramatic and stupid and annoying but _Doyoung,_ ” Jungwoo whines, shoulders slumping and body relaxing. “This is _our_ thing.” 

Doyoung isn’t mad. He isn’t upset and there isn’t a frown on his lips. There’s a loud sigh and it only takes two steps before he wraps his arms around Jungwoo. The other is trying not to burst into tears, he can tell. The way Jungwoo’s hands curl into Doyoung’s chest, is something he always does when he’s trying to calm himself. Doyoung doesn’t know what to say in return. He could make excuses if he wanted. Real ones. But for some reason, he doesn’t want to. He realizes that Jungwoo has a reason to be upset. 

The two of them have worked so hard for this. Worked for too many years. Too many nights with too little sleep. Thousands of bruises and scratches. One broken wrist and far too many twisted ankles to count. They’ve gone to competitions every year. Shoulders pressed together as they walk into the stadium, representing not only themselves but their country. It’s become more than just skating. They’ve become each others lifestyle. A family that they both lack. Doyoung realizes now that it never was about him sleeping with Jaehyun. Not about Jaehyun at all, really. It was about Jungwoo’s support system being taken away. 

“Do you like him,” Jungwoo says quietly. He tilts his head up, body slipping out of Doyoung’s arms. Fingers reach up, wiping away the tears that have barely made it down his cheeks. “I mean, I guess you like him enough to sleep with him.” There’s a laugh and it makes Doyoung let out a breath he didn’t know he was holding. “But do you really like him?” 

“Yes,” Doyoung says quietly. “I do. I really do.” His heart flutters at the thought of Jaehyun. The way his cheeks puff up when he smiles. How he laughs and how his ears turn pink when he’s embarrassed or shy. The way his voice echoes through the rink, Korean slightly off and a little too many breaths between words. How his hand feels in his when they ride the subway. How his lips feel pressed against his, darkness surrounding them as they lay in Doyoung’s bed. 

“I would have never guessed that this would have happened,” Jungwoo laughs. He runs his hand through his hair, smile on his lips. “I thought you hated him.” 

Doyoung’s hand comes up, rubbing at the back of his neck. “I never hated him,” he says and it feels like the hundredth time he’s said it. “I just wanted to be him.” 

“Well,” Jungwoo starts. His head tilts down, finger unlocking his phone. His index finger scrolls down on his playlist. Jungwoo smiles at him, head nodding towards the middle of the rink. “Let’s see if you got what you wanted. Let me see you skate.” There’s a smile on Doyoung’s lips. One that’s full of excitement and confidence. Doyoung nods, skates sliding across the ice slowly. He turns around, coming to a stop as he reaches the center of the ring. With a nod and a gently laugh, Jungwoo presses the play button. 

It’s not all the way put together. There’s still pieces missing. Elements that him and Jaehyun were working on. It’s enough though. Doyoung starts with his eyes closed. They open when the music begins to play. It feels different. Much different from two months ago when he was standing in the middle of the ice, crowd cheering around him. There’s more things different than the lack of audience. Doyoung feels like he can breathe. He doesn’t hold it in for too long and has a steady rhythm. His fingers don’t curl into his palms to the point where his nails dig in, almost causing him to bleed. There’s no more tensing up at the slightest of movements, fear of messing up running through him. 

Instead, his whole body is relaxed, as much as it can be. He lets the music run through his ears, dispersing through his entire body. Lets the way the fingers on the piano keys become harder, fuel the emotion through him. Instead of counting and connecting the dots, he’s letting his mind wander. And wander it does. 

Doyoung thinks about Jaehyun. Thinks about his voice as he grabs his ankle, body turning quickly into a spin. Thinks about how he would tell him to not grip his leg like it’s going to fall off, it doesn’t look as pleasing that way. Then he thinks about Jungwoo when he stands up, leg raising up, thigh nearly pressing against his chest. He thinks about the way Jungwoo would tell him to keep his eyes open because at least for him, it helps with the dizziness. And as Doyoung lets his skate press against the ice, body moving backwards, he thinks about how he’s allowed himself to let go of the tight routine that he created. 

The music stops and so does he. Doyoung sighs, hand running through his hair as he attempts to catch his breath. He barely gets to though because Jungwoo is skating over to him and soon, he finds arms wrapped around him. They’re tight and Jungwoo even lifts him up enough for his skates to come off of the ice. “Doyoung,” he says when he pulls away. “Doyoung,” there’s hands on his face and his cheeks are being pushed together. “Doyoung. That was amazing.” Jungwoo looks like he’s about to cry again and Doyoung laughs, whispering for him not to. “I’m being serious!” Jungwoo whines, hands wiggling Doyoung’s face slightly as he laughs. “Your spins were beautiful. The jumps were so good. So good. And the emotion,” there’s a laugh and the hands push his cheeks together again. “I almost cried.” 

“Do you think it’s going to be enough to win gold?” It’s a question that Doyoung always asks. Every season while they’re learning their performances. And as usual, Jungwoo doesn’t hesitate to say yes. And for once, Doyoung thinks he believes him. 

 

 

 

 

The time reads four thirty. Doyoung has his phone in his hand, fingers typing away quickly. They type, hit the send. Type again, send again. Doyoung’s sent at least twenty messages in the last five minutes. All with about the same content. _‘I miss you,’ ‘I hope practice is going well’ ‘Tell Johnny I said hi’ ‘Make sure you break to eat and drink properly!’ ‘Only three days to go until competitions!’_ Everything that makes Doyoung’s cheeks turn a bright red and his toes curl against the bed. 

Jungwoo is snoring softly when Doyoung opens his door. Feet step quietly, trying his best not to make the floor creak as he walks. One shake, two, three, before Jungwoo lets out a small noise. Then his legs are stretching, shaking against the bed. Then his arms do the same thing, bumping into the wall behind him. Jungwoo flashes him a smile, laughing softly while his hands rub at his eyes. 

They get on the five thirty train. Both of them with half eaten bananas and coffee in their free hands. There’s no sweatpants or old tee shirts. Instead, their both in jeans. Doyoung’s are black, rips right above the knees. He’s got the jacket that he’s learned to love keeping him warm. Jungwoo has his own jeans on, though slightly neater than Doyoung’s. And Lucas’s blue hoodie under his own jacket. Their destination is different. They have more than their bags on their backs. There’s suitcases next to them, elbow holding them against their hips to make sure they don’t move away. Jungwoo’s nodding his head to his music that’s playing through his headphones and Doyoung can’t help but smile. 

The flight ends up how it usually does. Doyoung fast asleep, mouth parted and eye mask covering his eyes. Jungwoo shakes him awake for food and for when they land but he doesn’t bother him in between. Taeil walks with them as they navigate through the airport. There’s people with fancy cameras and even news reporters. Doyoung smiles at them, much different from his usual attitude towards them. Even Jungwoo sputters out a laugh at the way Doyoung waves his hand quickly. 

Their hotel is nice, probably too nice for the lack of time they’re going to spend in it. But Taeil is fond of spoiling them. Even if it was with things that didn’t truly matter. There’s two beds and Jungwoo is the one to bounce down on the one closest to the window. Doyoung laughs, setting his bag down on the floor and tossing his phone onto the other bed. 

They have two days until they compete. It’s for what they’ve been practicing for. There’s no new skates going to be performed technically. It’s the ones they’ve done too many times in front of judges. It’s the ones that they’ve edited and adjusted. Small bits and pieces that add points in both categories, increasing their chances of a higher score. For Doyoung, it would be the test to see if the work he’s been doing would be enough to get what he wants. 

 

 

 

 

Jungwoo is seated on the stool in front of the mirror. His hand is steady, mouth open as he swipes eyeshadow over the lids of his eyes. It’s a pink color, one that has almost more sparkles than color. Doyoung’s next to him, fingers running through his hair, pushing pieces into the place they need to be. 

“Do you think this will match? Or should I go for a gold?” Jungwoo clicks his tongue, hand hitting against the desk he’s got his make up scattered across. 

“Mm,” Doyoung laughs, hand grabbing the hairspray as he holds his bangs in place. “I think gold. It’ll match better since your pants are purple. It might be weird with the pink.” 

There’s a loud hiss of the hairspray before Jungwoo whines, fingers quickly pushing into the make up wipes he’s already used half of. “I thought so but I really wanted to have pink.” He frowns, pressing the wipe against his eye, dragging it slowly across. “It’s Lucas’s favorite color.” 

Doyoung rolls his eyes, patting his bangs and letting his head wiggle to make sure they’re in place. “I’m sure you can find another time to have pink.” 

They get dressed slowly. There’s still an hour before they need to be at the stadium. It’s almost too much time but that’s how they like it. Doyoung smiles when Jungwoo comes out of the bathroom, neck rolling along his shoulders. It’s the same outfits they wore over a month ago. The same ones that had them sitting in first and second place for just a brief moment. The whole situation is parallel to when they were back in Japan, about to leave to compete for the Grand Prix title. 

This time feels different though. Much different. Doyoung thinks that not a lot has changed in almost two months. In fact, not a lot really _has_. But then again, Doyoung thinks, perhaps a lot has. Enough for him. There’s a different feeling in Doyoung’s heart. In his stomach and in his mind too. Of course there’s nerves. They’ll always be nerves. But there’s something else too. Something that Doyoung isn’t sure he exactly knows how it’s should feel. 

The walk into the stadium is a feeling that Doyoung could never get sick of. There’s already too many people to count up in the seats. There’s cheers and screams of their names as they walk along the side. Jungwoo has his hands up, waving brightly at them. Doyoung sucks in a breath, smiling at the signs he sees with his name written on it. There’s big ones, small ones, some that light up and some that even have his face on it. The same for Jungwoo and there’s even ones with them together. 

Jungwoo stretches when they reach their area. Both of them are still in their jackets, making it slightly hard to move properly. Doyoung doesn’t join him. Instead, he’s got his teeth bitten into his bottom lip, eyes scanning the area around them. It’s almost embarrassing, how eager he is. How his foot bounces against the floor and his hands are shoved into the pockets of his jacket. 

Time seems to stop when the crowd begins to cheer loudly. Doyoung tilts his head, eyes looking up at the TV that’s displaying the pair walking in. He feels his heart skip a beat and Doyoung swears he doesn’t breathe for a whole minute. There’s the shining face, cheeks plush and dimples so deep. Hair that’s styled nicely and eyeshadow that match his shirt. It’s one that’s filled with sequins, red white and blue stripes wiggling down his torso. It’s a different outfit. There’s no velvet this time and his colored pants are swapped for simple black ones. But it still has the same amount of lure to it. 

Doyoung knows better than to let his emotions create actions. At least, he thought he did. His legs wiggle, knees hitting together slightly, wanting to walk over to Jaehyun. He takes a deep breath, choosing to watch him from afar instead. There would be a time for him to go to the boy. A time to wrap his arms around him and hug him like he’s wanted to since he’s been gone. Now though, was not that time. Instead, he takes off his jacket, tossing it on the back of his chair, joining Jungwoo in stretching. 

“Alright, ladies and gentlemen. The next skater up is Kim Doyoung from South Korea.” 

“That’s right. Fourth place at the Grand Prix finals. A shame really. He ended up in first and even held the spot until Jaehyun knocked him down.” 

There’s music still playing in his ears as he walks towards the rink. Doyoung sucks in a breath, head leaning back and feet tapping against the ground. The headphones come out and Taeil smiles at him when he takes them. “You’ve been working hard,” he says, hand patting Doyoung’s shoulder. “Just do your best.” 

“We’ve heard he’s made some improvements to his routine though. Our talk with his coach a few minutes ago made us aware of just how hard he’s been practicing since last time.”

“Let’s see if it’ll be enough for him to go home with a medal this competition.” 

Jungwoo’s cheeks are pink from the cold and so is the tip of his nose. His arm is held out and Doyoung can see the excitement on his face. Their wrists touch, lips kissing at each others knuckles. “I know you can do it,” he says, nodding quickly. “Not just for me. For Jaehyun too.” 

Doyoung takes a deep breath as he settles himself in the center of the rink. Eyes close and his lips part, letting the right amount of air through with each breath. He gets four breaths in before the music starts. It echoes softly through the air around him. One, two, three, seconds before he lets his thighs push him out of the center. It takes a moment to gather himself. To get him in the right space he needs to be in his head. There’s more nerves than he thought running through him. Thoughts that make his heart flutter and his eyes narrow in concentration. 

This wasn’t just a normal skate. It wasn’t a performance that was only for him. This was something for Jungwoo. Something for Jaehyun. Something for Taeil. It was the skate to prove what he could do. Prove to everyone around him. So Doyoung closes his eyes for a moment. His chest expands and he lets out a long breath as he lets his eyes open. He can do this. He knows he can. 

Doyoung focuses on the music. Concentrates on the way it fills his heart with emotion. It’s filled for several reasons. It’s a song he’s come to memorize. One he could hum to himself all day and night. It’s the song he picked himself, all those months ago. Most importantly, it’s the song that played in his ears as he fell for Jaehyun. It was no longer a song that held tension and frustration. No longer the song he slides on the ice, body being covered in scrapes as a result. It’s something he’s learned to take in. A song he can listen and let go. 

“I’d have to say, his coach was right when he said that Doyoung made improvements. This is much better than the skate we saw at the Grand Prix Final.” 

“I have to agree with you. There’s more emotion in his face. I think we’re going to see a much higher component score than last time.” 

“Doyoung has also added another jump into the second half. It’s a combination that may even be higher than what Jaehyun gave us at the Final. It all comes down to if he can land them successfully though.” 

“Yes. Doyoung isn’t the strongest of jumpers but if he was confident enough to go with this version of his skate, we should be seeing all those jumps executed nicely.” 

There’s a deep breath. One that makes his whole body rise up as Doyoung shifts, feet pushing him backwards against the ice. This was it. This was the part he’s worried about. Though, that worry only last for a moment, disappearing when his skates push off the ice. There’s no thoughts about the jumps. No counting rotation in his head. No fingers curled into his palm. No overthinking. It’s a risk to take. One that Doyoung’s never done at a competition before. Practice was one thing. Skating for a title was another. 

Everything is quiet when he lands. Feet are stable and arms are out. There’s only seconds before he pushes off again, arms pressed against his chest. It happens the exact same way one more time. When he lands, his feet don’t wobble. They don’t push out ice from under them. His body doesn’t tremble and he realizes that it’s _perfect_. 

“And he’s done it! That was absolutely breathtaking.” 

“Kim Doyoung from South Korea! A boy that has a record for unsuccessful jumps is now in the running for a medal position here at the European Championships.” 

“I think there’s a very high chance of him walking away with a medal today. This skate has been such a pleasure to watch.” 

The smile on his face is more than obvious when the music stops. His chest is rising and falling quickly, body desperate for air. He lets his hands pat his cheeks, knees hitting down against the ice. Doyoung laughs, hand running through his hair as he looks around. There’s an abundance of flowers and cute stuffed animals bouncing down on the ice. There’s people standing up, cheering and waving their banners with his name on it. He even looks at the TV which is zoomed in on his face. Cheeks are pink and the sparkles over them are shining under the lights. For once, Doyoung smiles at the camera, hand waving quickly at it. 

Jungwoo is bouncing when Doyoung skates towards the exit. His face is as bright as the lights and his arms are stretched out, fingers wiggling at Doyoung. There’s just as eager arm wrapping around the other. Doyoung sighs into Jungwoo shoulder, fingers gripping at his jacket, feeling it lose the puffiness under his grip. 

“Doyoung,” Jungwoo says quietly. His hands run down his back. There’s a pat on his hip and Doyoung pulls away, wrists lingering on Jungwoo’s hips. “That was beautiful.” There’s a laugh that comes from him and then a sigh. “I know I say it every time but I’m serious!” 

Doyoung nods, lips parting in a laugh. He grabs Jungwoo’s hand, squeezing it before pulling away. “Let’s go see my score before you start telling me how good I am.” 

Jungwoo rolls his eyes, laughing as Doyoung tugs him towards the box. They sit together, Jungwoo practically on his lap as Doyoung bites at his lip. His skate hits against the floor, knee bouncing quickly. Jungwoo doesn’t say anything though, not how he usually does. They take painstakingly long to calculate the scores. Longer than it should, he thinks. It seems like times he does worse, they’re ever so quick to put them on the board. 

“And this is a personal best for Kim Doyoung! He’s in first place with only two skaters left to go!” 

Doyoung feels his shoulders being grabbed. His whole body is being shaken and there’s even a kiss pressed to his cheek from Taeil. The sound of clapping and cheering is overwhelming. It makes even the voice of the announcers sound quiet. It’s a wonderful feeling. It’s wonderful because he knows even if Jungwoo and Jaehyun do better than him, he’s still going to be on the podium. Going to take a medal home, even if it’s not the gold he wants. 

There’s a blue stuffed bear in his arms when he presses against the half wall separating him from the rink. Jungwoo has his hands on his hips. Tip of his blades tapping into the ice for no reason other than a habit he does when he’s nervous. His head tilts back, eyes closing and fingers curling into his palm. Then his head tilts down. Toes are pointed to the ground, tips of his blades digging into the ice. His legs are turned outward and knees bend just slightly. There’s a hand by his face and one pointed out against his hip. 

The music starts and so does Jungwoo. Careful, calculated movements that are fueled by emotion. Even now, they’re still so different. Jungwoo will always be more graceful. Always have better flexibility. He’ll always be able to portray more emotion than Doyoung. Those things he knows will never change. But Doyoung thinks it doesn’t really matter anymore. Right now, hands tucked under his arms, eyes watching the way his best friend skates, he thinks it’s okay. Doyoung used to be upset. Used to be frustrated by the way Jungwoo made it look so easy. How he didn’t fall as often and could even practice longer without needing a break. Now though, it doesn’t bother him. It doesn’t bother him because he knows he’s made improvement. 

Doyoung is no longer the ice bunny, a term that is kind of okay because he likes the way Jaehyun says it. He still might be known for it but today, he doesn’t feel as cold as ice. There’s a warmth inside him. One of confidence and pride. It’s there because Jungwoo greeted him like he always does. It’s there because Taeil has worked so hard for months to create this routine for him. It’s there because Jaehyun helped him improve. And that same Jaehyun is staring at him from across the rink. 

He’s barely there, the distance between them too great for Doyoung’s eyes. But he’s there. The sparkle of his shirt is glimmering against the lights. Johnny is next to him. He’s got his jacket on, hands tapping against the top of the wall in front of them. The boy had skated first. It was obvious that he too had improved. There’s was more precision. More sharp movements. Though, it was a beautiful performance considering it was only his second competition. So good that he’s sitting in second place, Doyoung having knocked him down. 

There’s a teddy bear practically as big as Jungwoo in his arms when he steps off the ice. His cheeks are red and Doyoung can see how his nose has started to run from the temperature. Doyoung takes the stuffed animal, laughing as he presses his chin against the shoulder, eyes watching the way Jungwoo slips on the covers on his blades. 

“Ah,” he says, frowning as he runs his hand through his hair. “I didn’t do as well as I wanted.” There’s a pout on his lips and he grabs his jacket from Taeil, slipping it over his arms slowly. “I’m worried. I over rotated on my axel and that’s gonna cost me.” 

“You did fine,” Taeil says, fingers pushing Jungwoo’s bangs to the side. “I think it’ll be enough to have you on the podium too.” 

They’re almost the same this time in the score box. Only, Doyoung has one leg over Jungwoo’s, body leaning against his. Jungwoo has his face buried into the stuffed animal that he refused to put down. Doyoung can tell Jungwoo is nervous. He is most times but not to this extent. Jungwoo also doesn’t normally make mistakes. Hardly ever falls or stumbles, especially during a competition. 

“And Kim Jungwoo is in second place with only one skater to go!” 

Jungwoo’s head tilts up from behind the stuffed animal. His face is almost in shock when he looks over at Doyoung. 

“This means both skaters from South Korea will be taking home a medal today. What medals those are, will be determined by our final skater.” 

“That’s right. Jung Jaehyun is the final skater of the night. If he does what he did last time, he’ll go home with yet another gold medal.”

Jungwoo grabs at Doyoung’s shoulders when they step out of the box. There’s a smile on his face and he’s jumping up and down. “Doyoung! We’re gonna get medals!” 

Doyoung can’t help but laugh at the excitement radiating off of Jungwoo. They aren’t strangers to getting medals. Though normally, it’s only one of them. This felt different though. The month they spent practicing felt like a whole season. It feels like Doyoung has gone through so much. He has in terms of emotions. In that month, he’s broken himself down. Down to the point where he was able to flourish in something by accident. That same accident, brought Jaehyun to him. 

To be honest, Doyoung’s never been one to think that anything good can come out of accidents. Taeil’s always told him that he can learn from the things that go wrong, even the simplest of ones. Like forgetting to bring a water bottle or not brushing his teeth before practice. Doyoung’s always made an excuse, a reason why those things happened. A reason to make it not an accident and make it on purpose instead. It’s just that, for this one accident, one in particular, he doesn’t have an excuse for. 

Doyoung is a terrible liar. Someone that can’t lie for his life. So there’s no excuse for why he’s fallen for Jaehyun. No excuse for why he’s letting his heart swell at the sight of him stepping out onto the rink. He doesn’t want there to be. He wants it to be an accident because that’s what it truly is. Doyoung wasn’t supposed to find himself liking Jaehyun. Not in either of the ways he does now. 

“Jaehyun is still expected to have the top scores here at the European Championships.” 

“Yes, even with Doyoung’s improvement, Jaehyun’s technical scores are going to be higher. Not only that but his component scores never disappoint.” 

“Let’s see if he can do it again, everyone.” 

It’s almost sickening how much the announcers love Jaehyun. Their voices practically drip with addiction as they speak about him. Though, Doyoung doesn’t think he can actually blame them. Jaehyun is spectacular. A walking piece of art and when he’s skating, he’s a masterpiece. There’s a reason he’s beaten not only Doyoung but nearly all the other skaters. His presence is hypnotizing. And even before he starts, Doyoung can’t take his eyes off him. 

Jaehyun moves with such ease. Such professionalism. It’s like he was born on the ice. Born to make the history that he’s done. Sometimes, Doyoung thinks he was meant to be a skater. Meant to have thick skates over his feet rather than sneakers. Watching Jaehyun though, he knows that Jaehyun is born the same way. It’s something he’s learned. It’s something he’s seen from the way he talks about skating. The way he gets things so naturally. Everything comes to him, like it needs him. Like it _belongs_ to him. When he’s on the ice, everything does belong to him. There’s that gravitational pull that’s sucked many people in, even Doyoung. 

The crowd cheers around him when Jaehyun lands his first jump and Doyoung joins them. His hands clap together and he finds himself cheering as eagerly as the people around them. Jungwoo even cheers, smile on his face as he watches. They cheer even louder when Jaehyun lands his combination _flawlessly_. And as Jaehyun passes them, Doyoung doesn’t miss the smile that’s flashed at him. The smile and the wink that can’t even really be considered a wink. It makes Doyoung suck in a breath, letting it out with a laugh. 

“Folks, that was another incredible skate from Jaehyun.” 

The music stops. It stops and Jaehyun’s lips curl into a smile, Doyoung watches it happen on the TV hanging from the ceiling. Watches the way he reaches up, sleeve wiping at his nose and hand waving at the crowd around them. 

“I’ll tell you, he really has a gift for skating. I think everyone can agree that he’s by far the best this season.” 

Doyoung pulls away from the wall. He lets his feet hit against the floor as he walks a little too fast. Eyes watch as Jaehyun skates towards the exit. They watch him until their eyes meet. Jaehyun smiles. He smiles so wide and those dimples are there and Doyoung thinks his heart has stopped. Jaehyun steps off the ice, not even bothering to put on his covers. Instead, he wraps his arms around Doyoung. One hand rests on his lower back, curling against his jacket. The other is cupping his face, thumb pressing against his cheek. Those brown eyes are staring at him, sparkles covering the outline. There’s red eyeshadow and eyeliner that makes the brown stand out even more. Those eyes close when Jaehyun presses his lips to Doyoung’s. 

There’s no time to feel embarrassed. No time to worry about everyone that’s watching them. He shouldn’t care anyways. He doesn’t care. All he cares about right now is how good it feels to be in Jaehyun’s arms again. It hasn’t been long. Maybe a week and a half at best. But it’s enough. Enough for Doyoung because he’s never had this. He’s never had anyone kiss him how Jaehyun is kissing him. There’s never been anyone that has texted him everyday, telling him how much they miss him. Never been anyone to send him kiss emojis or videos of them blowing him a kiss goodnight. There hasn’t been good morning texts or texts throughout the day making sure he’s alright. Most importantly, there’s never been anyone that Doyoung has fallen for before. 

“I think you did it,” he whispers, breath still shaky. His forehead presses against Doyoung’s, noses brushing together gently. “Doyoung, I think you did it.” 

Doyoung blinks, fingers curling against Jaehyun’s arm. “What-” 

“I don’t think I beat you.” 

The statement is crazy. There’s absolutely no way that Jaehyun isn’t going to get a higher score than him. That’s never happened. Doyoung’s heart begins to race at the thought. No. It couldn’t be right. Jaehyun performed beautifully. Doyoung is- Doyoung is just Doyoung. He doesn’t have a dozen gold medals and titles to his name. There isn’t fan goods for him like there are for Jaehyun. The judges don’t love him as much. There’s no way. 

“I stumbled on my foot sequence and my spin wasn’t as tight as it should be,” Jaehyun says quickly. “ _Doyoung._ ” 

There’s happiness in his voice. There’s a smile on his face and joy in his eyes. If Doyoung didn’t know any better, he’d think that Jaehyun made those mistakes for him. But he knows that’s not what it is. It was an accident. A simple accident for him to make. Doyoung swallows, biting down on his lip as he stares at the way Jaehyun’s eyes are curved down into crescents. 

Jaehyun’s gone. Doyoung watches the TV from his seat. Taeil is behind him, teeth biting on the nails that were gone before they even got into the stadium. Jungwoo is next to him, body curled up on the chair, knees bend and chin resting on the top of them. Just as it was with his own scoring, an uncomfortable amount of time goes by before the numbers start appearing on the board. 

They add up quickly and Doyoung feels his whole body tense up. Then he sees the way his name doesn’t slide down into second. He watches how Jaehyun takes second place. Doyoung sucks in a breath, making his whole body rises, head turning to look at Jungwoo. There’s a hand on his and hands on his shoulders. They’re squeezing him and Doyoung feels his jaw drop, eyes wide and his chest begin to tighten. 

“Kim Doyoung from South Korea is taking gold!” 

Time has stopped. One hundred percent completely stopped. The only thing still affected is the way Doyoung’s stomach is falling to the floor. How his eyes are blinking away tears that have suddenly formed. Even his heart, has fallen to the pause in time. It’s not possible. It’s a mistake, he’s sure of it. There’s absolutely no way that Doyoung is in first place. There’s no way. It’s an accident. An accident that Doyoung can’t find an excuse for. 

Taeil’s arms are around his shoulders when time begins again. There’s people screaming his name and he sees his face on the TV. He sees his shocked expression, jaw still open and teary eyes glimmering even more than the glitter on his cheeks. “Oh my god,” he says with a breath. “Oh my god.” 

“Doyoung you did it!” Jungwoo’s voice is loud. It’s loud even with the cheers of everyone around them. Jungwoo grabs his hand, tugging him up into a hug. The arms around him are tight, full of happiness. “I’m sorry I was so mean to you. I’m sorry I got mad about Jaehyun.” Jungwoo is rambling. “I didn’t mean to make you upset. I know you were doing this for yourself. You were doing it for _this_ , Doyoung.” Hands grab his face and Jungwoo even has tears in his eyes when they meet with Doyoung’s. “Doyoung, I’m so proud of you!” 

“I did it.” Doyoung breathes out, teeth biting into his bottom lip. “I actually did it.” 

There’s an indescribable feeling running through him. Doyoung feels his hands shaking and his knee is bouncing, making the podium stand vibrate slightly. Jaehyun is the one to tap his leg, eyes flashing up at him, mouth curled up slightly in the corners. There’s a feeling that Doyoung wants to keep bottled up forever. The way a heavy medal hangs around his neck. The way he’s the one on top, standing next to Jungwoo and Jaehyun. It’s what he’s wanted for so long. It’s something that he used to be able to accomplish. Gold was never a common thing but more so than it was now. Mostly because of Jaehyun. Now here he was, standing on the top, gold around his neck, because of Jaehyun. 

Jungwoo smiles up at him when their anthem begins to play. His cheeks are puffed from how wide he’s smiling and his fingers reach up, wrapping around two of Doyoung’s. He changes his focus to Jaehyun when he feels a hand wrap around his free one. Fingers are pushed between his and then Doyoung watches the way Jaehyun leans over, pressing a gentle kiss to the top of his hand. It’s then that Doyoung realizes that maybe accidents aren’t that bad afterall. At least this one isn’t.

 

 

 

 

“Jungwoo! Doyoung!” 

There’s two smiling faces waving at them when they walk out of the rink. Doyoung laughs, hand running through his hair. Jungwoo immediately runs over, jumping into Lucas’s arms. They share several kisses and Jungwoo has his feet on the ground when Doyoung catches up with him. 

“What are you guys doing here?” Doyoung asks, head tilting with a smile. 

Sicheng shrugs and there’s a tap on his arm when he starts speaking. “We thought we’d surprise you.” 

“Actually, Taeil bought us plane tickets.” Lucas responds, cheek pressed against Jungwoo’s, hand running along his back. “Jungwoo told us about everything.” The boy smiles, pulling away from Jungwoo just enough to be able to grab at Doyoung’s shoulder. “We wanted to come support you. Oh,” Lucas pulls away, hand covering his mouth as he laughs. “And Sicheng wanted to get that Japanese skaters autograph.” 

Doyoung can’t help but laugh too. The way Lucas has burst into laughter and the look on Sicheng’s face is enough for him to make him cover his own mouth from how wide his jaw has fallen open. 

“Shut up,” Sicheng says, eyes rolling. Then he nods his head, tilting it slightly, hand coming up and pointing behind them. “Here comes Jaehyun.” 

There’s a hand on his back and Doyoung feels his cheeks heat up at the kiss that’s pressed on his neck. Lucas makes a noise and Doyoung watches how Jungwoo hits him on the side, telling him to be quiet. 

“Come on, Sicheng,” Jungwoo says, grabbing his hand and pulling him closer. “Let’s go find Yuta. I’m sure he’ll like to talk to you.” 

Doyoung watches the way Sicheng’s whole face turns bright red. The boy protests, tilting his body back and attempting to wiggle out of Jungwoo’s reach. Though the fight is short lived and soon Sicheng is following Jungwoo and Lucas. Doyoung waits until they walk back into the rink, doors shutting quietly, before turning to look up at Jaehyun. 

“How do you feel?” Jaehyun asks. His finger reach up, running through Doyoung’s hair. He knows it’s sticky and stiff from all the hairspray he’s put in. But Jaehyun doesn’t seem to mind. 

Doyoung sucks in a breath, letting it out with a smile as he nods. “Amazing.” 

“You know,” Jaehyun starts, head tilting and finger pressing against Doyoung’s forehead. “This is the first time someone has beaten me.” 

Doyoung laughs, arms reaching up to wrap around Jaehyun’s shoulders. He hums, fingers tapping together at the base of Jaehyun’s neck. “Well, I couldn’t have done it without you, you know? So it’s kind of your fault.” He sticks his tongue out slowly, quickly pulling it back in when Jaehyun taps his teeth together at it. “And they say history is destined to repeat itself so maybe I’ll beat you next time too.” 

“Mm,” Jaehyun nods, eyes blinking slowly as he leans down. Their lips press together slowly. It’s gentle, possibly even more gentle than their first kiss together. Jaehyun doesn’t even pull away, he lets his lips rest against Doyoung’s as he speaks. “As long as we can make history together, I’m okay with that.” Doyoung is the one to pull away. It’s only enough to meet Jaehyun’s eyes. There’s a smile on his lips and the hands on his back pull him flush against Jaehyun’s chest. “Do you wanna go out? Like be my boyfriend?” 

It only takes a moment. Perhaps the quickest decision of his life. It’s not forced. He doesn’t feel pressured to answer. There’s no doubt in his mind and he quickly nods his head. “Yeah. I do.” He pauses to let out a laugh, teeth biting down on his lip before letting it go slowly. “I really do.” 

All that comes from Jaehyun is a simple sentence. “I’m glad you don’t hate me anymore. I’ve always liked you.” 

Doyoung rolls his eyes, hand hitting against Jaehyun’s shoulder. “I never hated you.” He gets an eyebrow raised from Jaehyun before Doyoung sighs, shoulders falling and lips pursing out. “Fine, I hated you a little.” 

Jaehyun sighs happily. His arm drapes over Doyoung’s shoulder. They walk slowly, the sound of their jackets rubbing together loud in Doyoung’s ear. “You’re a bad liar, you know that?” 

Doyoung huffs, arms crossing over his chest. “Don’t remind me.” 

“At least I know you’re not lying about liking me.” Jaehyun winks at him and it’s enough to make Doyoung press his face against Jaehyun’s shoulder, whining as he nudges against his side. 

"I'm serious about not being able to do this without you," Doyoung says it quietly, face pressed against Jaehyun's jacket. "I can't thank you enough." 

"I don't feel like I did anything, really." Jaehyun laughs, hand pushing it's way into Doyoung's jacket pocket. Doyoung bites his lip, sighing as he feels Jaehyun play with the straw wrapper that's been in there since the Grand Prix finals. "I didn't do that skate for you." 

That didn't matter. That wasn't the point that Doyoung was attempting to make. Truthfully, Jaehyun hadn't made any drastic improvements to his skating. Barely touched the surface of his problems. Skating wasn't even the real reason that he's thanking Jaehyun. It was more than that. Jaehyun had given him confidence. Given him something new. Jaehyun wasn't stuck in the same routine every day. He doesn't drink hot coffee. He doesn't set alarms in the morning. He drinks out of water bottles while Doyoung prefers it out of a glass. Jaehyun has fluffy brown hair while Doyoung's is black and gets flat often from a lack of care. Jaehyun's got small fangs when he smiles and dimples where Doyoung has bunny teeth and gums. They're so different but it's the differences that make Doyoung's heart flutter. It's the differences that had Doyoung staring at Jaehyun quietly, trying to figure him out. Watching, listening, taking in all that's Jaehyun. 

Doyoung has no idea what he's doing. Has no idea how to be in a relationship. There's never been an awkward high school partner that ends only two months later. He's never gone through the phase of fluffy dates to the movies and cafes late at night. He barely even knows what a crush is supposed to feel like. There's a lot that he doesn't understand. A lot to be scared of. A lot of things that Doyoung's already thought about way too many times. And right now, standing next to Jaehyun, face against him and the feeling of victory running through him, he thinks it's okay. It might not be perfect. It might be sloppy and they'll be mistakes along the way. And Doyoung is okay with it. He's okay with taking chances. Okay with taking risks that might not pay off. He's okay with it because it's new, it's exciting, it's _Jaehyun_.

“Hey guys! Wanna go get food? I heard there’s this fusion place right down the street.” Jungwoo’s voice makes Doyoung come out of hiding, cheek still pressed against Jaehyun’s jacket. 

Jaehyun answers for them. Then soon, they’re walking together. Jungwoo is pressed against Lucas. Sicheng is buried deep in his phone, Lucas had whispered to Doyoung that he got Yuta’s number. And Doyoung has his hand in Jaehyun’s. Never in his entire career did Doyoung think that he would be in this situation. He’s got a gold medal hanging around his chest. One that’s made history, at least for him. Then again, maybe Doyoung thinks he was born to do this. Born to skate. And with Jaehyun by his side now, they were born to make history _together_.

**Author's Note:**

> {wow okay this fic has been my life for the last like 3 weeks }  
> { im not 1000% happy with it but honestly who ever is with their own fics /sigh }  
> { anyways!!! i hope you enjoyed!!}


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